On The Non-Existence Of Theists

Lack of Understanding Is Not Evidence For GodI’ve written before, in a very pompous, self-righteous way, that, if you really think about it, no one REALLY believes in a god or afterlife. I make this statement because, for many years, I’ve heard theists say that no one REALLY is an a-theist. A-theism doesn’t exist. Deep down, they say, everyone believes in God. Though when Christians say, God, they mean Jesus, and clearly, not EVERYONE believes in Jesus. Muslims worship Yahweh’s old college chum, Allah. Yahweh is worshiped by the Jews, and Hindus, being the stone age backward thinkers they are, are polytheistic and believe in millions of gods. Oh, there are some theists who’ll claim it really is all just the same god everyone worships, he just appears to different cultures in different ways. But if truth be told, and I always tell the truth, that’s truly a crock of bullshit. There are politically influential Christian groups within the U.S. who believe in Jesus, and only Jesus as the one true god and that the Bible is literally true, word for word. There are Muslims who feel the same about the Qur’an, there are Jews who feel the same about the Torah. Each group also has VERY specific dogmas its members must follow or they risk the wrath of their god. This is the very reason I, though raised Catholic, will never say, “Oh, I’m Catholic,” to anyone who asks my religion. I’m not. I do not accept its dogmas. I’m an a-theist. Too many people say, “Oh, I’m such and such religion,” but really aren’t. How many who say they are of a particular faith still would say it if saying it meant they had to accept all the dogmas of that Faith and follow them? The dogmas of a Faith ARE that Faith. If a person says they’re Catholic, but feels they need not follow Church doctrines, are they truly Catholic? No, no, they’re not.Kubki A fool says in his heart: "There is no God.", a wise man says it to everyone. - Funny Printed Coffee Mug [BLK3158] I know Catholic Catechism and the dogma of the Church like my own hand. I had 14 years of it taught to me by the nuns and priests in the Catholic schools I attended. So I know it. Check out this site. It explains the Church doctrine on sex. http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm   How many people who say, “Oh, I’m Catholic,” when asked their religion, actually obey all the dogmas on sex discussed in this link? No Catholic I’ve ever known, I can tell you that. No Catholic I’ve ever known felt evil for having sex out-of-wedlock either. It’s ridiculous nonsense that no mature person should have to bother with, and most don’t. People culturally identify with their religion like they do their ethnicity. They go to the Church they grew up with because their social lives are centered around it. And they pick and choose which parts of that religion they follow, and which they ignore. This is all spiffy with me. I really don’t care. What I do care about, though, is this: Some Catholics ( this is also true in other Faiths) claim they are very deeply religious and follow all the dogmas of the Church. Cool. If they can do it and it gives them meaning, good for them. I do ask, however, that they be consistent in their approach to Catholic dogma. Here’s what I mean by that.120824_abortion_protest_reuters_328 Many Catholics who are against a woman’s right to an abortion claim they are because of Church doctrine on the issue. The Catholic Church says abortion is wrong. Period. Taking life is wrong. Period. They are very consistent with this dogma, too. Capitol punishment is also wrong to the Church. Only God can take a life. I admire the consistency of this thinking. Life is life to them. Now here’s the rub. Many, many Catholics who claim to be strict followers of Church dogma, aren’t. They’re selective followers of Church dogma. For example, there’s a young Catholic woman I know who is a strong advocate for Pro-life. She’s even done a march or two in favor of the cause. She’s VERY outspoken about the sinfulness of abortion. The Church dogma on abortion fits in well with her own feelings on the matter. Nice and peachy.  However, a new boyfriend has recently entered her life, and guess what they do when they get together? You got it! They fuck. And they fuck using birth control.

Unwed Pro-Life Catholics, About To Fuck

Unwed Pro-Life Catholics, About To Fuck

Man, do I have an issue with her Pro-life ass now. Let’s see, she feels it is her fucking right, backed powerfully by her “faith” in Church dogma, to dictate to other women what they can and can not do with their own fucking bodies, but she can choose to ignore Church doctrine on sex outside an approved marriage and birth control because those dogmas interfere with her sex life? Right. It is a deep, mortal sin she commits every time she fucks, wanks, or blows her boyfriend. Abortion is also a mortal sin. The Church sees fucking out-of-wedlock just as mortally sinful as abortion.  Fuck this gal. I’ve 0% respect for her bullshit faith and even less for her. You want to point fingers, you’d better point them at yourself first.I-see-hypocritesThis type of bullshit is what makes organized religion the contemptible puss sack it is. It’s merely a vehicle through which mortal beings project their own fears, hates, and phobias onto a made up deity to justify them to themselves.  Humans make religions, and humans make gods. There are no real theists. No one, deep down inside, truly believes in god. Because if I KNEW, with total certainty, that I was immortal; that God was real because he talked to me, I’d be calm, cool, relaxed, and at peace with the Cosmos. Anyone would be. You’d be set for all eternity. Deep down in the hearts of religious folks is a huge hole of disbelief and fear. A fear that says,”You must crush all faiths other than your own. This will make what you believe righteous and powerful.” There really are no real theists. So former theists, stop bullshitting yourselves about god and join the a-theist family today. We’re a sinful, decadent group. You’ll love being part of it. Imperious Rex!pro_life_pro_war_pro_death_penalty_hypocrite_postcard-r75127a7bae2b48749ac3bc4b4110c347_vgbaq_8byvr_324

I Am Not Agnostic, I Am Non-Theistic, Or A-Theistic

To the next theist who tells me it is not possible for me, or any one else, to really be an a-theist, or that a-theism is a religion or a “Faith” based belief of some kind, I offer the following definitions:

1. the·ism
ˈTHēˌizəm/
noun: theism
belief in the existence of a god or gods, esp. belief in one god as creator of the universe, intervening in it and sustaining a personal relation to his creatures

2. a·the·ism
ˈāTHēˌizəm/
noun: atheism

disbelief or lack of belief in the existence of God or gods.Atheism Defined

The definition of atheism starts and ends here for me. I do not care if others belong to atheistic churches, are new or old atheists, seek to convert the religious to become non-religious, or actively hate theists. The definition starts and ends for me with the one above. I find the defensive, battle-ready stance of some theists when I say I’m a non-theist to be offensive, ignorant, bigoted, and above all else, really fucking annoying. What’s even more annoying is when Christians try to tell me who it is I am.  I recently was told that I can’t REALLY be an a-theist because one can’t know ABSOLUTELY that Jesus doesn’t exist, so at best all I, or any non-believer, can truly be is agnostic.  After reflecting on this being said to me, I’ve come up with this response: Fuck You! Fuck you, you defensive Christian pussy. No, really. Fuck you!

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let me define who I am to the Christian idiots who think they know me better than I do myself.  Just because it is impossible to prove a thing does not exist, does not mean that it does, or that I think it does. I do not believe the following things exist because I see NO evidence that they do: Big Foot, UFO’s, Aliens who kidnap people, fondle them, then return them to their beds without leaving a single piece of evidence they were ever there, Ancient Aliens who built the pyramids, The Loch Ness Monster, Thor, Odin, Loki, Osiris, Isis, Jesus, Allah, Vampires, Ghosts, Spirits, etc, etc, etc.  Please note that I did not say it’s IMPOSSIBLE for these things to exist. I simply see no reason AT ALL to believe they do. Christians are atheists when it comes to Ra, Zeus, and Isis. They’re not agnostic when it comes to them. They simply do not believe they exist. I’m a non-theist when it comes to all gods, even Jesus. And if you’ve forgotten already what that word means, see the above definitions again and the Sam Harris quote below. Keep reading them over and over until they sink into the muddled mass of feces you call a brain, and STOP thinking you are so omnipotent as to know me. You don’t. You DO NOT define me. I do.Sam Harris On Definition Of Atheism Lastly, the same Christians who’ve been so quick to define me are perhaps the most defensive fuckers about their own omnipotent “Faith” as I’ve ever seen people be. I do not believe what you do. I do not care that you believe it. I know it is central to your life, but it isn’t to mine. I’ve no interest in attacking you or converting you, yet this does not seem to matter. It’s as if my disbelief in your god somehow threatens you and your god. This behavior makes you and your god pussies in my eyes, and places a neon sign over your head that reads: “Idiot Seeking Argument Out Of Fear Of Being Wrong. Stay Clear.” I am not interested in debating with Christians, converting them, hating them, or treating them in any other way than I treat anyone else or expect myself to be treated. But know this, judge me, think you’ve some divine right to define and label me, and you’ve gained an enemy, someone who hates not only you, but your mother for having you and your father for fucking your mother and impregnating her with you. If I had total confidence in the fact that an almighty being was REALLY my creator, and I was going to Heaven when I died, I’d not be such a defensive pussy when someone simply told me they did not share my beliefs. That is the sign of a weasel, a spineless weasel who must make others wrong so that he can feel right about himself and his”Faith.” I did not come to the realization I was an atheist with hate in my heart for Christians who behave in such a way. But it is there now. They’ve earned it. Every single last bit of it.

Everything And Nothing

big-bang

And then there was

Something

 

It wasn’t

Good

It wasn’t

Bad

It just

Was

 

The something

Expanded

More things began to

Fill

Its growing

Void

 

Some things

In the void

Were

Alive

They were not

Good

They were not

Bad

They just

Were

 

Then

He

Came,

And

Everything

Was, suddenly,

All about

Him

 

But,

Just as

Suddenly as

He

Came,

He was

Gone

 

Nothing

About the

Something,

Still there

Without

Him,

Had changed

 

It still wasn’t

Good

It still wasn’t

Bad

It still

Just

Was

 

Everything

That was truly

His,

While

He

Was,

He wasted

By trying

To make

Everything

That was

His

 

Truth is,

Nothing

Was ever

His

But

Him

 

Just In Time For Christmas, The Atheist/Theist Squirting Ass Toy

Do theists bother you? Do atheists just piss you off to no end? How ’bout agnostics? Does their lack of commitment to either side offend you? If you said “yes” to any of these questions, then we here at The Arm Chair Pontificator have created the perfect toy for you, just in time for Christmas: The Atheist/Theist Squirting Ass Toy!

TACP Atheist/Theist Squirting Ass Toy, $29.99

The Atheist/Theist Squirting Ass Toy, $29.99

Simply fill the large rubber ass, modeled directly from Kim Kardashian’s very own plush derriere, with chocolate milk, and you’ll literally have hours of fun. Here’s how it works. Let’s say you’re a conservative Christian who’s just sick of the disrespect guys like me, The Arm Chair Pontificator, show you. All you have to do is fill your Ass Toy with chocolate milk, come to my office in downtown Manhattan, knock on the door, and blast me with chocolate milk from the Ass Toy when I open it. HILARIOUS! It’s as if you’re carrying around a real ass filled with endless streams of diarrhea for you to squirt on your enemies every time they piss you off. So, for those of you not afraid to have some crude, nasty fun at the expense of people you don’t like anyway, buy The Atheist/Theist Squirting Ass Toy from The Arm Chair Pontificator online shop. It’s only 29.99, that includes shipping, handling(but not too much), and a coupon for a free gallon of chocolate milk from Target. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

There Really Are No Theists

If you really think about it, in a rhetorical, circular, big-worded, masturbatory sort of way, no one could REALLY be a “theist”. Though there are those who claim they believe in a god, everyone REALLY knows, deep down inside, that there isn’t one. Even those claiming to be merely “spiritual” know that the wonder and untold beauty of everything around us isn’t REALLY evidence of an invisible all-powerful guy. No one could REALLY believe that.

There Are No Theists, I Said So

EVERYONE Knows, There Are No Theists.

And no “theist” who claims that all religions are basically worshiping different concepts of the same god REALLY believes that, not deep down inside anyway. “Theists” are all atheists. Period. It’s an inarguable fact of rhetorical circular arguing. They all know this. Every one of them. I know they all know this because I meditate on this topic a lot. The insight I gain from doing this is never wrong. Never. I know “theists” more than any of them know themselves. Really, I do. I’m THAT smart. Thus, I get to define what “theists” REALLY believe and think because I have perfectly written rhetorical arguments proving what I’m saying is absolutely true, in a very circular masturbatory sort of way. These arguments are as reliable as any medical test you’ve ever had, and they are flawless in the masturbatory nature of their rhetoric. I do not need evidence to know I’m right about this. As a matter of fact, I NEVER bother to gather evidence or check facts about ANYTHING I ever say because it is beneath me to do so. I find it much easier to assume I’m always right about EVERYTHING I say than to waste time verifying “facts” online. It’s those who don’t see my brilliance; who think I’m a total idiot for not checking my facts before running my mouth, who are the stupid ones. Thus, when I say there are no “theists”, there are no “theists”. I know so. The fact that some people may refuse to believe me, does not make it any less true. And anyone too stupid to not see this is, well, stupid.

Love The Theist, Hate The Theism

lovesinhate sinner

Just because the temptation to profess a particular religious faith exists, doesn’t mean it should be acted upon. However, due to the frailty of human nature and a fear of death, it is very tempting to succumb to beliefs in the fantastical and the promise of an eternity in heaven with a divine grouchy guy. Some unfortunate souls are also born into theistic households, and, thus, have one type of superstitious belief or another indoctrinated into their developing minds from the moment they are born. This is why I strongly believe in the following adage: Love the theist, but hate the theism. It is not the fault of an infant that he or she is born into a family that bases its view of the world on invisible guys and on ignorant human nonsense written in ancient texts. No. They are victims of their parents; who, despite all evidence of the harm it brings, and has brought, to humanity, still teach their children that one religious dogma or another is absolutely true.

We must also remember not to hate those who’ve chosen a theistic “lifestyle” on their own. They did it out of human weakness and the false hope that an invisible guy will prevent them from blinking completely out of existence one day. We must love them, but hate the theism that has seduced them. We, as a secular nation of individuals who are concerned with the betterment of all humankind, must love the theists but hate their theism. We must let them know they are good, decent individuals in spite of their deluded beliefs. We must help them learn to fight their unwarranted concern for the “next” life by helping them see what matters most is THIS life, here and now. And it is THIS existence we must learn to cherish above all else because it is the only one we really have. Finally, it is my hope that if theists learn it is in no way them, as individuals, we non-theists dislike, but merely their theistic “behavior,” they will be more willing to try life without their belief in invisible guys and ancient texts. The greatest hope for our future lies in the abandonment of such things.

Christian Conservative Accidentially Killed While Teaching Hate

As you may have heard, an Al-Qaeda terror instructor recently killed himself and several of his terrorist students last week when a vest loaded with explosives detonated while he was demonstrating how to properly use it to his class. What you may not know is that a Christian hate mongering Sunday school teacher, who was teaching preschool children how to properly hate gays, Jews, and menstruating women, was also accidentally killed last week when the hate he had inflamed in his students was released, not on gays or Jews, but on the teacher himself instead.

 Jesus Wants Us To Hate Gays, Jews, and Menstruating Women

Jesus Wants Us To Hate Gays, Jews, and Menstruating Women

Apparently, this Christen teacher was showing his class how to recognize if a man is gay by walking in a particularly effeminate and stereotypical manner while whistling tunes from “My Fair Lady.” When the children he had just taught how to hate gays saw and heard this, they mistook him for being a REAL gay man, and attacked him like wolves attacking a baby sheep. He was torn limb from limb by the preschoolers. They also apparently ate what they tore from him because so little was left of him when police finally entered the classroom, his Fred Phelps autographed, “I Hate Fags,” button, which he always wore proudly on his chest, was the only thing left with which to identify his remains. The children were all tranquilized with an animal tranquilizer and placed in small iron cages by the police. Later, upon awakening, they were severely beaten with straps by their Jesus-loving parents. For while it is a good thing to hate and kill gays, Jews, and menstruating women, it is never a good thing to hate and kill those who teach us to do it, not even if it is on accident. So sayst the Lord, Jesus. Amen.