Take This Quiz To Find Out How Big Of A Trump Supporter You Are

This Trump quiz was written by, and co-sponsored by, Russian President Vladimir Putin and former New York Mayor, Rudy Giuliani.  Take it to see just how big of a Trump supporter you truly are.

1.) Climate change is:  A.) Bullshit  B.) A liberal sob story with no basis in reality  C.) An attempt by Hillary Clinton to rule the world  D.) The true last name of Barrack Obama  E.) All of the above

2.) Evolution is:  A.) A Type of New York style pizza  B.) An atheist attack on Christmas  C.) Something you don’t truly understand but criticize anyway because it’s easier to do that than to actually find out more about it  D.) Whatever Donald Trump tells you it is  E.)  All of the above

3.) The most unfairly treated person in world history is:  A.) Jesus Christ  B.) OJ Simpson  C.) John Wayne Gacy  D.) Any child with painful, terminal brain cancer  E.) Donald Trump

4.) Donald Trump’s penis is:  A.) The biggest penis ever  B.) Elephant sized  C.) Used frequently near or around women without their consent D.) Oranger than the rest of him E.) Called “Donny’s ‘lil man” by Vladimir Putin

5.) Robert Mueller is:  A.) A mother fucker  B.) A brutish, liberal thug who’s out to get President Trump  C.) Never sober  D.)  Leading an unwarranted witch hunt against Donald Trump  E.)  All of the above

6.) Reality is:  A.) Whatever Donald Trump says it is  B.) Not anything the liberal media says it is  C.) A fluent, movable thing that rarely is the same thing two days in a row  D.) Based solely on opinion and nothing more  E.) All of the above

7.) Donald Trump is orange because:  A.) He eats a lot of carrots  B.) All superior human beings are orange  C.) It’s Putin’s favorite color  D.) He isn’t really orange, you idiot.  You’re eyes are just playing tricks on you  E.) He gets peed on a lot

8.) Christmas is:  A.) Something Muslims hate  B.) A capitalist’s wet dream  C.) A time to not give gifts to people you hate so they’ll REALLY know you hate them  D.) Warred on yearly by non-believing, atheist bastards  E.) All of the above

9.) Canada is:  A.) America’s biggest enemy  B.) A country filled with weenies  C.) A country filled with oddballs who talk funny  D.) Physically too close to America for comfort  E.) All of the above

10.) Alternate facts are:  A.) The only true facts  B.) True only when a spokesperson for Donald Trump states them  C.) Preferable over true facts  D.)  Not alternate so much as real  E.) All of the above

 

 

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The Media Is Out To Get Me

These Effing Sons O’ Bitches Are Out To Ruin Me

As anyone who reads this blog knows, several years ago I awarded myself a Nobel Prize because I felt I deserved it.  Ever since that time, I’ve been hounded and mocked by the Nobel Prize Committee simply because I demand they acknowledge my prize.   I prank call them; send dead skunks to their children’s schools, and send fire ant-filled pinatas to the nursing homes were their elderly parents live.  Yet, still, they refuse to acknowledge that I even exist.  Sure, they’ve had restraining orders taken out against me, but, so what?  I’m still out here, and I ain’t going away ’til I get my prize from them.   Recently, however, the media has become involved in the harassment I endure daily from the Nobel Prize Committee.

The media, I once thought, would be my friend against the Nobel Committee.  I sent letters to every major, and minor news outlet in the country to notify them of the great injustice I live with every day of my life.  Not one of them has responded or acknowledged I even exist.  This is ridiculous and cruel.  How many self-awarded Nobel Prize winners are there for Christ’s sake?  None but me that I can think of.  Is this not a major story for the media?  It should be.  But, because the Nobel Prize Committee has tainted my image with the media, I’m ignored by them.  This is abusive, unfair, and cruel.  The media are out to ruin my good name simply by ignoring the great things I’ve done and the great prizes I’ve awarded myself.  I’ll stand for it no more.  From this day forward, I’m declaring war on the media.  They are fake.  And, since they refuse to tout my greatness, everything they say and report about is fake.

My Arch Enemies. I Hate These Bastards.

I’ve got a letter in to Rudy Giuliani  demanding that he stop talking smack to the media about Robert Mueller and start talking smack to them about how unfair they’re being to me.  So far, he’s not responded to me.   He’d better , or I’ll send a porcupine to his New York office to stick quills in his butt.   My war on the media now joins my war on the Nobel Prize Committee, and it will continue unabated until I receive all the praise I’ve decided I deserve from both of them.  It’s gonna get ugly around here, folks.  So buckle up and enjoy the show.  It’s gonna be one you’ll never forget.  $Imperious Rex$

Trump Building Gas Chambers Along Southern Border, Blames Democrats

The First Of 50 Gas Chambers Being Built Along The Southern Border

Gas ‘Em Dead City, Texas.   Donald Trump announced this morning that he, and his administration, have begun the construction of 50 gas chambers and crematoriums along the U.S. southern border in order to deal with the flow of immigrants trying to enter America.   “We need to eliminate these so-called people as quickly as possible before they contaminate our great country with the vile diseases they carry on their persons,”  President Trump said earlier.   “The Democrats made this a law several years ago under the Presidency of Hillary Clinton.   So, if anyone finds this practice unsavory, blame the Democrats and President Hillary Clinton, not me.  I have absolutely nothing to do with it.  I’m simply enforcing a law put into place by Democrats.

My ‘people’ have begun the construction of 50 gas chambers and crematoriums along the southern border.  The first one went into operation about a week ago, and, so far, it has been a raging success.  Over 78 Hispanic immigrants, men, women, children and the elderly, were told they could enter America freely once they took a ‘shower’.  Then, they were led into a state of the art gas chamber and exterminated.  Their remains were quickly placed into a brand-spanking new crematorium and incinerated to ash.  It’s like they never existed.

State Of The Art Crematorium Trump Is Placing Along The Southern Border

We will continue this practice until the Democrats decide to change the law that THEY put into place.  Thus, again, if anyone finds this practice distasteful, there’s no one to blame for it but former President Hillary Clinton and the entire Democratic party.  May the all-loving arms of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, bless each and every American and keep them safe from the pestilence of incoming Hispanic immigrants.   Imperious Rex!”

Trump To Star In Incredible Hulk Remake

Donald Trump As The Incredible Baby

Gamma Ray City, New York.   Marvel Studios announced today they will be remaking The Incredible Hulk with Donald Trump in the starring role.   “Yes,” Marvel Studios spokesperson, Sally Wannawail, said earlier.  “We’ve just signed President Trump to star in our new Netflix show, The Incredible Baby.  The show is a remake of the classic Incredible Hulk TV show from the 70’s.   This time, however, instead of a dose of gamma rays turning Bill Bixby into a raging green beast, the show will involve Mr. Trump being turned into a whining, green, little baby every time something doesn’t go his way.   Our first episode shows Mr. Trump as a 21-year-old receiving a draft notice for the Vietnam War and not wanting to go.  He brings the notice to his father who tells him, ‘You know, Donald, your country needs you, and it isn’t very patriotic to not honor your country’s call.’  Upon hearing this, Mr. Trump transforms, for the first time into…The Incredible Baby!  He cries, pouts, screams, poops his pants until, finally, his very wealthy father finds a doctor who’ll, for a price,  write a letter stating Donald has bone spurs and thus can not go to Vietnam.   This calms Mr. Trump down, and he reverts to his adult self, until……Watch Netflix this coming September to find out!”

Trump Claims D-Day Named After Him

Fib City, New York.   President Trump today claimed D-Day is a day named after and for him.   “Of course D-Day was named in honor of me,” Trump said earlier.   “My name is Donald, and it starts with a ‘D’.  How much more evidence do you need?  Yes, Allied troops landed at Normandy on this day a couple of years ago, for some silly reason or another, but what does that have to do with me and my name starting with a ‘D’?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing at all.   D-Day was named after ME because I’m super popular, I am SO popular, aren’t I, and EVERYONE simply loves me so much cause I’m such a nice, popular, well-loved fellow.  No one has ever been as popular and well-loved as I am, right?  So, please, party and have fun today as you celebrate me, Donald J. Trump, a guy who had a whole day named after him cause he’s the bigly-est, most popular guy ever to have his name start with a ‘D’.”

Trump Pardons Self After Farting In White House

Poo-Poo Town, North Dakota.    Donald Trump pardoned himself after farting loudly in a busy corridor of the White House this morning.  “Yeah, I blasted a good one, if I must say so myself,” Trump said earlier.  “I had Chipotle burritos for dinner last night, and the things were LOADED with gas-producing pinto beans.  Don’t get me wrong, they tasted great, but they almost immediately turned to toxic fart gas in my colon after I ate ’em.  So, I pardon myself for blasting smelly farts this morning in the White House that literally had people running for the doors to get fresh air.   Like my Pops used to say to me, ‘Lil Donny,’ he’d say, ‘make sure you say, pardon me, after you blast smelly farts in public or people might think you’re rude.  And that, ‘Lil Donny, is something you never, ever want people to think about you.'”

Inerrant Rantings Of An Entirely Sane Pontificator

Here are two recent, perfectly inerrant, logical, and anger free rants I recently had in response to comments from Trump supporters and religious nutters on another blog.   I’m hoping these finally get the Nobel Committee to give me my friggin’ Nobel Prize.

1.)  As a flat earth creationist, I must say, I LOVE Trump. Since his election the world has become younger and flatter almost by the hour. Thanks to one of the most devout Christians to ever hold the title of President, the love of the Lord Jesus Christ has embraced America, and soon we’ll have what I’ve always wanted: a fully functioning Christian theocracy where any and all who do not properly worship Our True Lord, Jesus Christ, will be physically put on a boat and shipped to the Middle East where they belong.  I’m personally writing Trump’s mentor, Vladimir Putin, a long letter thanking him for helping Trump make America great again, just like it was in 1952 when Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ was President. Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the Mexican border to use my body as a human shield to keep Mexicans out of my country until Trump gets Mexico to pay for the border wall to end all border walls.  It’s the only way to keep America truly safe from Hispanic rapists and hoodlums.  $Amen$

2.)  Open borders are the best. Christ, I say build a friggin’ cement highway across the Atlantic to Europe and let EVERY Mooslim there drive on over in horse-drawn carriages.  We need ’em fer target practice, the thievin’ buggers.
Taxes?  Who needs the Dems for that, the rat, snowflake bums.  Christ, the omnibus bill the Republicans/Russians just passed and Putin’s lil puppet, President Donny Bone-Spurs, just signed, jacked up our deficit by what,1.8 trillion or so? I mean COME ON, that’s got Libtard/Democrat written ALL over it.  But I’m bettin’ Draft Dodge Don and his Russian/Republicans can do better than that!  Why not put 8 or 9 trillion more onto that spending bill and give a 95% tax cut to the rich to jack the debt up another 6 or 7 trillion?  It’ll make ya feel all warm ‘n Democrat-like inside.  It will me at least

The GOP, Ya’ Gotta Love ‘Em!

And hell, we actually need to beg more people to cross our borders.  Man, just last night, I shot and killed 56 German and Polish illegals who were trying to kick in my front door.  A-holes wanted food or some such crap.  Can you believe that?  As well, I’ve been attacked by, like, I don’t know, 89 Mexican and Italian illegals in the last month alone.  They said, in really broken English, mind you, that they wanted to grab some pussy like lil Donny does and wanted me to show ’em how. ‘Course, I shot ‘n killed the bastards.  Ain’t no friggin’ illegal som’bitch gonna talk to me about pussy-grabbin’.  That’s for American Presidents alone to do.  Ha! I sure showed them.  So, let ’em keep on comin’ over.  I like shootin’ ’em.  Makes me almost as happy as kickin’ Dems in their privates.  Almost, but not quite.  BANG!  Gotcha, ya’ friggin’ illegal bastard, ya’.

 

May the love of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the ONE TRUE GOD, be with everyone out there.  May His Holy Arms wrap over you and bring you freedom from Republican omnibus bills, pussy-grabbers, traitorous political parties in line with Russian oligarchs, and deficit raisin’ conservatives who’ve lately made even the wildest, leftist Democrats look like Ronald Reagan. $Amen$