Confessions Of A Garden Gnome

So, like, I'm just standin' there doin' my thing, ya know, an' dis big, an' I mean BIG. dog comes up ta me an' lifts 'is leg like 'es gonna pee on me.  So I says to 'em, 'HEY, Rover, if you pee on me, I'm gonna use my gnome magic an' turn ya inta a friggin' little pussy cat, so don't do it.'  An' guess what?  Dat bastard pissed on me anyways.  Da bastard.  'Co

So, like, I’m just standin’ there doin’ my thing, ya know, an’ dis big, an’ I mean BIG, dog comes up ta me an’ lifts ‘is leg like ‘es gonna pee on me.  So I says to ’em, ‘HEY, Rover, if you pee on me, I’m gonna use my gnome magic on ya an’ turn ya inta a friggin’ little pussy cat, so don’t do it.’  An’ guess what?  Dat bastard pissed on me anyways.  Da bastard.  It’s times like dat when I truly wish we garden gnomes really had magic powers.  ‘Cause if we did, I tells ya, dat dog would be meowin’ right now ‘stead ‘o barkin’ at squirrels in da god damn yard.  I’m really sick’a bein’ peed on by dogs.  It’s bloody humiliatin’!

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32 thoughts on “Confessions Of A Garden Gnome

  1. Pahaha, if it was just dogs!

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  2. Haven’t you got a gnome to go to? All this blogging could be damaging your elf! Relax and fix yourself something to eat…but no goblin it down!

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  3. Gnomes don’t have magic powers….?? You mean the ones in my yard and round my house have been lying to me? Oh those scoundrels. The things they have gotten me to do and give them.. they had me paint the two angle kids bright red! OH the humanity… or is it Gnomity ?? Hugs

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  4. Lol. Before I had hamstahs on the blog, there were gnomes. Garden gnomes.

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  5. this really is humiliating. The gnomes should have some magical powers

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  6. Tell your gnome to get a tazer – the dog will piss himself. And perhaps even do a #2.

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  7. I have to take a photo of a local crazy-ladies house. Well, she’s not crazy, I think she’s a genius, and her entire front yard is covered in gnomes. It’s wild.

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