Brilliant Valley, North Carolina. President Trump today announced he was asked to recite the alphabet by his family physician to test his cognitive health and only missed one letter. “Not only did I miss just one letter,” Trump said, “I also recited 18 of the remaining 25 letters in the correct order. Now, let Joe Biden try to top that, eh?! My physician told me my performance on this ‘alphabet test’ PROVES my mind is operating at a genius IQ level. He also told me that the letter I missed, ‘X’, I believe it was, is a stupid letter that only stupid people like Democrats would remember anyway. And just let Joe Biden try to get 18 letters of the alphabet in the correct order without mixing up a few! Ha! He couldn’t get two in row right much less 18! SAD!! So, as all who are fair to me and intelligent can see, my mind is operating at peak capacity and I’m clearly the most qualified person to be President. Period. End of story. MAGA!”
Tongue Up Trump’s Ass City, New York. Tucker Carlson of Fox News fame today stated that the reason his face is always in an expression of severe pain is because he’s had a butt plug in the shape of Donald Trump’s mushroom penis permanently shewn into his anal cavity.