A Few Rambling Pontifications Based Entirely On Empirical Evidence

Photo-Realistic Painting Of The Arm Chair Pontificator

1.)  People who do good only because they believe an invisible guy will send them to eternal hell if they don’t are shit-heads we’d be better off without.

2.)  Just because I do not believe your assertion that there’s an invisible guy or invisible beings running the universe does not mean I’m making an assertion that such things absolutely do not or can not exist.  Perhaps they do.  I simply have seen nothing to convince me of this.  Nothing.

3.)  Who’s in a better position to explain what my thoughts and feelings are on something, me or you?

4.)  Those who argue vehemently that there IS and MUST be a god are, deep down, terrified they’re wrong.

5.)  Why do Christians argue that evolution is wrong with non biologists?  If you wish to assert evolution is wrong, go to the evolutionary biology department at the University of Chicago and explain it to the scientists there.  Then, if you can convince them with your wisdom, knowledge and expertise on the subject that you’re right, let me know.

6.)  Let’s say you’ve succeeded at number 5 from above and convinced the evolutionary biologists at the University of Chicago that evolution is a crock of dinosaur poop.  Great.  That’s grand.  You’ve proven I was an idiot for thinking those folks had a solid basis for their scientific theory.  However, do you know what you’ve not proven to me?  JESUS!  You STILL have to provide demonstrable evidence for your particular take on your particular god in order for me to give credence to your assertions that he is real.  OK?  I’m waiting.

7.)  The world is beautiful. The universe is mind-boggling and immense.  How did it come to be?  Why is it here?  Why are we here?  There’s one honest answer to these questions.  One answer that is “right.”  That answer is, I don’t know.  And do ya know what?  Neither do you.

8.)  I honestly do not care what you believe or do not believe.   However, when you try to legislate your religious beliefs so that I, too, will be governed by them, I’m gonna fight back against you with every breath I take.

9.)  I get more joy and love from my dog than I’ve ever gotten from any invisible being or entity.

10.)  While living life at times is hard for me, I find living it as best I can each day to be far more productive than dwelling on my death and on what comes after it.  My death will create in the universe the same state that was here for the 13.7 billion years before I was born.  I simply won’t exist, and, after a brief period of time, no one will even notice.

11.)  People who can’t laugh at and/or mock themselves occasionally will never be winners of self-awarded Nobel Prizes the way I have.



I Knew I’d Hate It, But I Did It Anyway

“Man, I REALLY hated all 6 of those Lord of the Rings and Hobbit films.”  “Christ, all NINE of those Star Wars movies are awful.”  “By Odin’s beard!  I truly hated all 20 of those Marvel  super hero movies I’ve paid to see!”   “I HATE Shakespeare, but I went to see Romeo and Juliet anyway, and I hated it.”  I can not tell you the number of times I’ve heard people make comments like this.  Sometimes, they make them directly to me knowing I get great enjoyment from Shakespeare, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and Marvel  movies.   I’m literally stunned by the utter idiocy of such people.  All film is subjective.  People like some types of movies,  and others they don’t like.   If someone doesn’t like, say, Lord of the Rings movies, I get it.  That’s fine.  I do like them, but, for those who don’t, sitting through one of them must be sheer torture.   I’m like that with the opera.  Can’t stand it.   So, I don’t go.   But when I hear things like, “I really hated ALL of those Lord of the Rings and Hobbit movies.  They ALL sucked, and people who like them are not as film savvy as I am, ” I think, really?  So, you went to see one of these 3 hour long films, hated it; then spent your money FIVE more times on FIVE more movies that you ALREADY knew you’d hate before you saw them, and you expect me, or anyone else, to take anything you say seriously?   If you are a person like this, you are an absolute fucking idiot.   I mean a complete, unadulterated, fucking idiot. I simply am baffled by people like this.  At this point in time there are more movies of EVERY kind being made all across the world–more independent films; more dramas, and more foreign, esoteric, films that make no fucking sense to me but many people do like.   And, in a city like Chicago, where I live, there are numerous theaters showing all of these kinds of movies all the time.  For those not living near such a theater, there are numerous streaming services that show an unlimited variety of EVERY type of movie any time you want to watch one.   So, if you are one of these fucking idiots who continue to repeatedly spend your hard-earned money on movies you know before hand you’ll hate, don’t.  Either see one you think you might like, or send your money to me since you seem to have an unlimited amount of it to waste on things you hate.

BTW, as a final thought on this purely idiotic behavior, if you hate jalapenos on your pizza but constantly order pizza with jalapenos then shout out, “That pizza sucked!  The jalapenos ruined it,” the problem isn’t the pizza–it’s you.  You’re a total, complete, fucking idiot.  You’re not smarter than those who like jalapenos on their pizza, nor are you eloquent in the way you express your dislike of them.  You’re simply a fucking idiot.  So, please, for my sake and the sake of others throughout the universe who are not you, if you know already you don’t like a certain type movie or food, don’t spend your money on it.  Spend it on something you like, or, at least, if you simply MUST spend it on something you already know you don’t like, spend some cash having your jaw wired shut first so I, and others, won’t have to be bothered by your idiotic banter explaining that, once again, you didn’t like the thing you already knew you wouldn’t like.   Idiots.  There are far too many of them in the world.

On Grace And Forgiveness

Grace_Saved_Faith_version_2_by_Valster73The concept of Grace used to come up quite often during my 15 years of formal Catholic education, but I’ve retained little of what I learned about it back then.  So I recently decided to re-enlighten myself on the subject by reading what the Catholic Church and one or two other Christian denominations had to say about it.  In all honesty, if I hadn’t already been an a-theist, I’d have become one based solely upon what I read.  Though there are subtle semantic differences to how, say, Lutherans and Catholics define “grace”, the basic premise, and one I find deeply insulting, is fundamentally the same.  Because of Adam and Eve’s original disgusting sin, little ‘ol me and you were born into this world with our immortal souls awash in filth, evil, debauchery, and contempt for God, our Master.  It is only by the “grace” of this same benevolent and all-loving Master that the rancid stench of insipid evil can be bleached from our souls and save us from an eternity of burning agony in Hell.

Our Master sending his beloved son, Jesus, to be brutally tortured and crucified on our behaves is the only “grace” needed to save us, according to some Christian doctrines.  Others claim we must more actively earn the Master’s “grace” through obtaining sacraments and verbally abusing gays, Jews, and Democrats.  Even others say we have the Master’s “grace” and are saved, or we don’t, and will burn. Period. We won’t know which, until we die and awake either burning in Hell or having amazing oral sex performed on us by the person or persons we most want performing oral sex on us in Heaven.

I find such beliefs to be immoral, repugnant, anti-human, and personally offensive.  I am not evil and I do not require a made up creature to give me “grace” for anything.  Such thinking, in my completely honest opinion, is at the core of man’s inhumanity toward man. This includes all forms of child abuse, rape, war, torture, and poverty. Human beings are not born stained.  It is doctrines like those describing “grace” that stain the collective human consciousness with a guilt it neither deserves, nor needs. We are all there is of us.  No god or grace from a god is needed to save anyone. We are important to ourselves because we are here.  And if tomorrow we are not here, there will be no one to notice, much less care. We truly are THAT unimportant to the universe.

On The Non-Existence Of Theists

Lack of Understanding Is Not Evidence For GodI’ve written before, in a very pompous, self-righteous way, that, if you really think about it, no one REALLY believes in a god or afterlife. I make this statement because, for many years, I’ve heard theists say that no one REALLY is an a-theist. A-theism doesn’t exist. Deep down, they say, everyone believes in God. Though when Christians say, God, they mean Jesus, and clearly, not EVERYONE believes in Jesus. Muslims worship Yahweh’s old college chum, Allah. Yahweh is worshiped by the Jews, and Hindus, being the stone age backward thinkers they are, are polytheistic and believe in millions of gods. Oh, there are some theists who’ll claim it really is all just the same god everyone worships, he just appears to different cultures in different ways. But if truth be told, and I always tell the truth, that’s truly a crock of bullshit. There are politically influential Christian groups within the U.S. who believe in Jesus, and only Jesus as the one true god and that the Bible is literally true, word for word. There are Muslims who feel the same about the Qur’an, there are Jews who feel the same about the Torah. Each group also has VERY specific dogmas its members must follow or they risk the wrath of their god. This is the very reason I, though raised Catholic, will never say, “Oh, I’m Catholic,” to anyone who asks my religion. I’m not. I do not accept its dogmas. I’m an a-theist. Too many people say, “Oh, I’m such and such religion,” but really aren’t. How many who say they are of a particular faith still would say it if saying it meant they had to accept all the dogmas of that Faith and follow them? The dogmas of a Faith ARE that Faith. If a person says they’re Catholic, but feels they need not follow Church doctrines, are they truly Catholic? No, no, they’re not.Kubki A fool says in his heart: "There is no God.", a wise man says it to everyone. - Funny Printed Coffee Mug [BLK3158] I know Catholic Catechism and the dogma of the Church like my own hand. I had 14 years of it taught to me by the nuns and priests in the Catholic schools I attended. So I know it. Check out this site. It explains the Church doctrine on sex. http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm   How many people who say, “Oh, I’m Catholic,” when asked their religion, actually obey all the dogmas on sex discussed in this link? No Catholic I’ve ever known, I can tell you that. No Catholic I’ve ever known felt evil for having sex out-of-wedlock either. It’s ridiculous nonsense that no mature person should have to bother with, and most don’t. People culturally identify with their religion like they do their ethnicity. They go to the Church they grew up with because their social lives are centered around it. And they pick and choose which parts of that religion they follow, and which they ignore. This is all spiffy with me. I really don’t care. What I do care about, though, is this: Some Catholics ( this is also true in other Faiths) claim they are very deeply religious and follow all the dogmas of the Church. Cool. If they can do it and it gives them meaning, good for them. I do ask, however, that they be consistent in their approach to Catholic dogma. Here’s what I mean by that.120824_abortion_protest_reuters_328 Many Catholics who are against a woman’s right to an abortion claim they are because of Church doctrine on the issue. The Catholic Church says abortion is wrong. Period. Taking life is wrong. Period. They are very consistent with this dogma, too. Capitol punishment is also wrong to the Church. Only God can take a life. I admire the consistency of this thinking. Life is life to them. Now here’s the rub. Many, many Catholics who claim to be strict followers of Church dogma, aren’t. They’re selective followers of Church dogma. For example, there’s a young Catholic woman I know who is a strong advocate for Pro-life. She’s even done a march or two in favor of the cause. She’s VERY outspoken about the sinfulness of abortion. The Church dogma on abortion fits in well with her own feelings on the matter. Nice and peachy.  However, a new boyfriend has recently entered her life, and guess what they do when they get together? You got it! They fuck. And they fuck using birth control.

Unwed Pro-Life Catholics, About To Fuck

Unwed Pro-Life Catholics, About To Fuck

Man, do I have an issue with her Pro-life ass now. Let’s see, she feels it is her fucking right, backed powerfully by her “faith” in Church dogma, to dictate to other women what they can and can not do with their own fucking bodies, but she can choose to ignore Church doctrine on sex outside an approved marriage and birth control because those dogmas interfere with her sex life? Right. It is a deep, mortal sin she commits every time she fucks, wanks, or blows her boyfriend. Abortion is also a mortal sin. The Church sees fucking out-of-wedlock just as mortally sinful as abortion.  Fuck this gal. I’ve 0% respect for her bullshit faith and even less for her. You want to point fingers, you’d better point them at yourself first.I-see-hypocritesThis type of bullshit is what makes organized religion the contemptible puss sack it is. It’s merely a vehicle through which mortal beings project their own fears, hates, and phobias onto a made up deity to justify them to themselves.  Humans make religions, and humans make gods. There are no real theists. No one, deep down inside, truly believes in god. Because if I KNEW, with total certainty, that I was immortal; that God was real because he talked to me, I’d be calm, cool, relaxed, and at peace with the Cosmos. Anyone would be. You’d be set for all eternity. Deep down in the hearts of religious folks is a huge hole of disbelief and fear. A fear that says,”You must crush all faiths other than your own. This will make what you believe righteous and powerful.” There really are no real theists. So former theists, stop bullshitting yourselves about god and join the a-theist family today. We’re a sinful, decadent group. You’ll love being part of it. Imperious Rex!pro_life_pro_war_pro_death_penalty_hypocrite_postcard-r75127a7bae2b48749ac3bc4b4110c347_vgbaq_8byvr_324

My Solutions To Homophobia

I’m really sick of listening to homophobic, hate-filled bullshit from Christians and Conservatives. Fucking sick of it. Though I’m not gay myself, I’ve seen gays portrayed in TV shows and in movies. From these portrayals, I’ve come to understand that gay people are actually just humans, no different from myself, except for the cock sucking and man-gina riding, that is. This being said, I’ve come to the conclusion that homophobia is a severe mental illness: A mental illness from which humanity must be cured if it is to survive. Let me tell you my plan for curing it.

First, I must gain the power of a god and become ruler of America. Once I do this, and it may take a while because it’s never been done before, I’ll make the following decrees which, in time, will eliminate homophobia.

Me As God

Me As God

1.) On their 18th birthday, every person, whether or not they’ve done it already, MUST have sex with a member of the same-sex. Girls will lick pussy, and boys will suck cock. Some will like it, and some will really not like it, but all will do it. This way, every man will have sucked dick, and every woman will have suckled on a pussy at least once in their life. After this, it’s up to the individual if they liked it enough to do it again, or not. The point is, EVERYONE will have to do it.

We Gotta Do It. Try To Have Fun

We Gotta Do It. Try To Have Fun

2.) If, at any point in a person’s life after this, they utter a homophobic comment, or worse yet, make such a comment because they claim some imaginary god hates gays, they will have to have sex with a member of the same-sex for the rest of their lives or simply not have sex. This way, no matter how much someone may think they hate gays, they will hate me far more if they don’t change their thinking.

The Only Sex Allowed For Homophobes

The Only Sex Allowed For Homophobes

3.) Every religion that states its god hates gays will be dissolved. Period. Actually, every religion stating it is correct and others are wrong will be dissolved. So, if a religion makes you happy to practice it, yippy for you. Practice it. Just remember, you will not be allowed to judge and condemn anyone because of it. Period. Shut up and enjoy your religion nicely, or I’ll wipe it out. Kapeesh?

Things I'd Do If I Were God

Things I’d Do If I Were God

And there you have it. My solutions to homophobia. Imperious Rex!

Free Will Hunting

By The Arm Chair Pontificator

By The Arm Chair Pontificator

Except for having my balls squeezed in a vice, there is little I find more excruciatingly painful than reading meandering diatribes on free will. I’m continually amazed at the masturbatory essays I come across online, usually written by TruChristians, that boldly proclaim how free each of us is to act as we want, when we want, simply by exercising our all-powerful will. There is not a shred of empirical evidence to prove such a ridiculous hypothesis, nor will there ever be. In fact, all evidence points to the contrary. We are not free. We do not control our destiny. We did not choose to be born. We did not choose when we were born nor to whom. We did not choose which country to be born in nor in which century. We did not choose our race, our gender, our sexual orientation nor our eye and hair color. We also did not choose whether or not to be born with or without genetic defects. We did not choose whether we were born into poverty or wealth or into an Islamic, atheist, or Catholic family. We did not choose whether we were loved, or neglected and abused, by our parents and/or primary care givers as children.freewilll88 As infants we can choose nothing. Everything we are and need comes from outside us. Everything. We are not free. We are an accumulation of all our external experiences. These form our thoughts, our values, and the beliefs we have about ourselves and the world around us. The few choices in life we have are not ones of our own choosing. I can not be an African-American woman judge on the Supreme Court, no matter how free my will is, as I’m neither a woman, an African-American, nor a judge. I could choose to torture myself and find a way through law school and, maybe, become some sort of judge, but, still, I can never become an African-American woman no matter how hard I tried. My choice of choices in life are not mine to choose. They were given to me by the world I was born into and by my parents’ DNA.

Free Will Shopping Cart

My Free Will Shopping Cart

I’ve searched high and low to find signs of free will recently. “Maybe I’m wrong,” I told myself. “Maybe free will does exist, and I’ve just not found it yet.” So, I got myself a shopping cart and went looking for free will in stores all throughout Chicago, my home town. I went to Goodwill stores, Sears, Wal-Mart, JC Penny, and even a place called Used Wills ‘R Us, but I could find no will that was free; none cost less than $7.98. But, then, serendipity struck, and I found one on Ebay for $7.94. So, I bought it. It wasn’t free, but I figured, “WTF, it’s still pretty cheap, and if a cheap will is even remotely close to a free one, then maybe I can use it to will myself into being reborn into a family of kind, loving multi-billionaires and live my life over in a much more comfy fashion.” However, true to form, all my $7.94 will helped me become was $7.94 poorer than I was before I bought it. I’m still me. My new/used will has made me no freer than my last one, and I’m now more convinced than ever that free will simply does not exist. I suppose I could steal a will from someone more situated in life than I, and see if it made me freer, but, even if it did, a stolen will is still not a free one. Thus, I must strongly reiterate my point: free will is a myth. It simply does not exist. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go check on Ebay’s return policy for used wills.


Holy Books And Dogmas Always Get Me Down

By The Arm Chair Pontificator

By The Arm Chair Pontificator

The senseless murder of 12 human beings in France last week by Islamic extremists got me thinking. Why don’t all Muslims do what the Charlie Hebdo murderers did and kill those they believe to have insulted Mohammad and/or Allah in some way? For that matter, why don’t all Christians hate gay people the way the Phelps family of the Westboro Baptist Church does? And why aren’t all Christians living with their IQ’s stuck in a Bronze Age time distortion field like Ken Ham is? Ken Ham and the Phelps family say they are TruChristians following the same Bible every other Christian claims to follow. As well, Islamic jihadists claim to be following the same Koran every other Muslim claims to follow. So, what separates the extreme fanatics of Christianity and Islam from the more sensible followers of those faiths when their respective Holy Books are the same for everyone who follows them?

One Book, Many Interpretations

One Book, Many Interpretations

I believe there are two simple answers to this question: human decency and common sense. These are things that do not come to us from holy books, political dogmas, or commandments etched by a burning bush into stone tablets. They are inherent in our humanity. Without them, there can be no advancement of civilization. We need them to help us live with each other because we often do not, and can not, see eye to eye on even the most fundamental of things; such as which Holy Book is REALLY the RIGHT holy book and which form of government is TRULY best for everyone. The vast majority of Muslims do not storm satirical magazine offices and slaughter innocent people because they instinctively know, no matter what their Holy Book might say to the contrary, that it would be very wrong to do so. As well, most Christians do not live with their minds stuck in the Bronze Age, do not hate gay people, and do not know what 97% of their Holy Book even says because they’ve never bothered to read it.

One Book, Innumerable Interpretations

One Book, Innumerable Interpretations

Most Christians and Muslims choose not to behave like murdering, bigoted neanderthals because, instinctively, they know it’s wrong to do so. And most know, too, that literal interpretations of violent passages from their Holy Books won’t be tolerated by a civil society.  Thus, they have religious apologists reinterpret these passages into less harmful, and mindlessly convoluted, nonsense that means whatever they want it to mean as long as it isn’t a cry to violence. That, as we’ve determined, is not acceptable. This, to me, is a complete waste of energy which would be better used helping old folks cross the street, clipping a dog’s toe nails, grooming a cat, or feeding a goldfish. Religious apologists who creatively apologize for the disgustingly barbaric passages in archaic holy texts serve no true benefit to our overall society. They aren’t really needed. Neither are archaic, violent holy books.

Archaic Political Dogma In Need Of Changin'

Archaic Political Dogma In Need Of Changin’

In conclusion, then, I propose the following arm-chair pontification: If your Holy Book, or your particular political dogma, contains hate-filled, barbaric, bigoted rhetoric in any part of it, toss it the fuck out and get a new a one. Don’t spend decades trying to twist nonsensical archaic gibberish into meaningful dogmas for humans in the 21st century. Muslims, Christians and Republicans who behave decently, and humanely, toward all those around you, I implore you to join together and throw away your Korans, your Bibles, and your Second Amendments, and write a new doctrine. A doctrine for the 21st century, and beyond, which places value on all human life equally. A doctrine that deplores violence, bloodshed, homophobia, racism, poverty, and sexism simply because they are wrong and inhumane. Write a doctrine of, and for, Humanity. One that values our very existence, because it is precious, and it is the only one we truly have.