All Black, All Gay Musical Theatre Company Performs At Westboro Baptist Church

Westboro Baptist Church

Westboro Baptist Church

Cornfield, Nebraska.  Parishioners of the Phelps family’s Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas got a lot more than their usual mix of gay-bashing and Christ-loving last Sunday when a Musical Theater Company of 25 black, gay men meet them at the doors to their church and insisted on performing several Broadway show tunes before allowing them to enter. “It was utterly spectacular,” said Theodor Rumpelbutt, executive producer and vocal coach for the company.

 Producer And Vocal Director, Theodor Rumpelstein

Producer And Vocal Coach, Theodor Rumpelbutt

“The looks on the faces of those white, bigoted, homophobes when we burst into song were simply priceless. Those hate-mongers were not expecting to find 25 gay black dudes dressed in full Broadway musical regalia singing show tunes in front of their church when they arrived. Kind of how folks going to a funeral for a son or daughter who was killed while serving their country must feel when they arrive to THEIR church only to find the hate-mongering Phelps family and their cronies outside holding anti-gay protest signs. Sucks. Really, it does. We sang our black, gay hearts out for them though and never once said a derogatory thing about them. We did, however, tell them we’d be back to do the same every time they decided to show up anywhere for any reason with their anti-gay hate-filled signs. We decided the best way to make them stop bothering people with their bigotry was to immerse them in the thing the hate most, us.”

Christian Conservative Accidentially Killed While Teaching Hate

As you may have heard, an Al-Qaeda terror instructor recently killed himself and several of his terrorist students last week when a vest loaded with explosives detonated while he was demonstrating how to properly use it to his class. What you may not know is that a Christian hate mongering Sunday school teacher, who was teaching preschool children how to properly hate gays, Jews, and menstruating women, was also accidentally killed last week when the hate he had inflamed in his students was released, not on gays or Jews, but on the teacher himself instead.

 Jesus Wants Us To Hate Gays, Jews, and Menstruating Women

Jesus Wants Us To Hate Gays, Jews, and Menstruating Women

Apparently, this Christen teacher was showing his class how to recognize if a man is gay by walking in a particularly effeminate and stereotypical manner while whistling tunes from “My Fair Lady.” When the children he had just taught how to hate gays saw and heard this, they mistook him for being a REAL gay man, and attacked him like wolves attacking a baby sheep. He was torn limb from limb by the preschoolers. They also apparently ate what they tore from him because so little was left of him when police finally entered the classroom, his Fred Phelps autographed, “I Hate Fags,” button, which he always wore proudly on his chest, was the only thing left with which to identify his remains. The children were all tranquilized with an animal tranquilizer and placed in small iron cages by the police. Later, upon awakening, they were severely beaten with straps by their Jesus-loving parents. For while it is a good thing to hate and kill gays, Jews, and menstruating women, it is never a good thing to hate and kill those who teach us to do it, not even if it is on accident. So sayst the Lord, Jesus. Amen.

Braveheart Lays Seige To Fred Phelps And Westboro Baptist Church

Braveheart Fucked Up Fred Phelps Bad

Braveheart Fucked Up Fred Phelps Bad

In a really unusual occurrence this morning, a wormhole opened up next to Fred Phelps’ Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas.  Even more unusual was that William Wallace, aka Braveheart, stormed out of it on horseback, smashed the church to splinters, and castrated Mr Phelps with a dull butter knife.  He also sealed Mr Phelps’ testicles into his mouth with a rusty piece of chicken wire before cauterizing Phelps’ groin so he wouldn’t bleed out.

Brave Heart Cut Off Phelps' Balls Recently

Braveheart Cut Off Phelps’ Balls

He then tied Mr Phelps to a bench and had several barn yard animals sodomize him for several hours.   After releasing Mr. Phelps, Mr. Wallace re-entered the wormhole and it vanished.  Though no words were exchanged between the two men during this violent attack, Mr. Phelps screams could be heard up to a mile away, that is until his mouth was sewn shut with his testicles inside.   The end.