The First Of 50 Gas Chambers Being Built Along The Southern Border
Gas ‘Em Dead City, Texas. Donald Trump announced this morning that he, and his administration, have begun the construction of 50 gas chambers and crematoriums along the U.S. southern border in order to deal with the flow of immigrants trying to enter America. “We need to eliminate these so-called people as quickly as possible before they contaminate our great country with the vile diseases they carry on their persons,” President Trump said earlier. “The Democrats made this a law several years ago under the Presidency of Hillary Clinton. So, if anyone finds this practice unsavory, blame the Democrats and President Hillary Clinton, not me. I have absolutely nothing to do with it. I’m simply enforcing a law put into place by Democrats.
My ‘people’ have begun the construction of 50 gas chambers and crematoriums along the southern border. The first one went into operation about a week ago, and, so far, it has been a raging success. Over 78 Hispanic immigrants, men, women, children and the elderly, were told they could enter America freely once they took a ‘shower’. Then, they were led into a state of the art gas chamber and exterminated. Their remains were quickly placed into a brand-spanking new crematorium and incinerated to ash. It’s like they never existed.
State Of The Art Crematorium Trump Is Placing Along The Southern Border
We will continue this practice until the Democrats decide to change the law that THEY put into place. Thus, again, if anyone finds this practice distasteful, there’s no one to blame for it but former President Hillary Clinton and the entire Democratic party. May the all-loving arms of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, bless each and every American and keep them safe from the pestilence of incoming Hispanic immigrants. Imperious Rex!”
Donald Trump As The Incredible Baby
Gamma Ray City, New York. Marvel Studios announced today they will be remaking The Incredible Hulk with Donald Trump in the starring role. “Yes,” Marvel Studios spokesperson, Sally Wannawail, said earlier. “We’ve just signed President Trump to star in our new Netflix show, The Incredible Baby. The show is a remake of the classic Incredible Hulk TV show from the 70’s. This time, however, instead of a dose of gamma rays turning Bill Bixby into a raging green beast, the show will involve Mr. Trump being turned into a whining, green, little baby every time something doesn’t go his way. Our first episode shows Mr. Trump as a 21-year-old receiving a draft notice for the Vietnam War and not wanting to go. He brings the notice to his father who tells him, ‘You know, Donald, your country needs you, and it isn’t very patriotic to not honor your country’s call.’ Upon hearing this, Mr. Trump transforms, for the first time into…The Incredible Baby! He cries, pouts, screams, poops his pants until, finally, his very wealthy father finds a doctor who’ll, for a price, write a letter stating Donald has bone spurs and thus can not go to Vietnam. This calms Mr. Trump down, and he reverts to his adult self, until……Watch Netflix this coming September to find out!”
Fib City, New York. President Trump today claimed D-Day is a day named after and for him. “Of course D-Day was named in honor of me,” Trump said earlier. “My name is Donald, and it starts with a ‘D’. How much more evidence do you need? Yes, Allied troops landed at Normandy on this day a couple of years ago, for some silly reason or another, but what does that have to do with me and my name starting with a ‘D’? Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. D-Day was named after ME because I’m super popular, I am SO popular, aren’t I, and EVERYONE simply loves me so much cause I’m such a nice, popular, well-loved fellow. No one has ever been as popular and well-loved as I am, right? So, please, party and have fun today as you celebrate me, Donald J. Trump, a guy who had a whole day named after him cause he’s the bigly-est, most popular guy ever to have his name start with a ‘D’.”
Poo-Poo Town, North Dakota. Donald Trump pardoned himself after farting loudly in a busy corridor of the White House this morning. “Yeah, I blasted a good one, if I must say so myself,” Trump said earlier. “I had Chipotle burritos for dinner last night, and the things were LOADED with gas-producing pinto beans. Don’t get me wrong, they tasted great, but they almost immediately turned to toxic fart gas in my colon after I ate ’em. So, I pardon myself for blasting smelly farts this morning in the White House that literally had people running for the doors to get fresh air. Like my Pops used to say to me, ‘Lil Donny,’ he’d say, ‘make sure you say, pardon me, after you blast smelly farts in public or people might think you’re rude. And that, ‘Lil Donny, is something you never, ever want people to think about you.'”