“Have A Happy, Jolly New Year, And In Case You Didn’t Hear, Oh, By Golly Have A Happy, Jolly New Year This Year!”
Hope everyone but the bastards on the Nobel Prize Committee, who STILL refuse to acknowledge my self-awarded Nobel Prize, have a grand and safe effin’ New Year. And let’s hope for a wonderful 2020, y’all!
“Say Kids,” Says Santa, “Come On Over Here ‘N Plop Down On Santa’s Lap! OK?”
To all my 5 billion world-wide readers and to all my friends at the Nobel Prize Committee, have a Merry God Damn Christmas and a Mother Effing Great New Year! $Amen$
“How In Fuck’s Name Did THIS Happen,” Says Surprised Chicken That Laid Duck Egg
Amazing City, Alabama. In stunning news today a chicken, owned by a farmer named Henry Yankmeoff, laid a duck, and not a chicken egg. “This is just shocking,” said Farmer Yankmeoff. Neither I, nor my chicken, have a bloody clue as to how such a miraculous thing could have happened, but this morning, at about 5AM, my chicken laid a duck’s egg. “This is truly miraculous.” When Farmer Yankmeoff was asked how he and his chicken knew that it was a duck egg and not a chicken egg that was laid, Farmer Yankmeoff replied,”Because the egg was laid quacked you silly goose!”
Here are few pics of Donald Trump that beg the question, “Is he a man, or a baby?”
“Da wibtards ‘n da Dumb’ocrats are pickin’ on Wittle Donny! Dey makin’ Wittle Donny angwy! Wittle Donny don’ wike ta be angwy! Wittle Donny gonna cry now! WAAAA!! WAAAAA!!!”
I don’t know if these adult diapers are large enough to hold all the festering shit Trump expels on a daily basis, but we gotta try something cause he’s stinking up the country something fierce.
These paper towels literally helped save Puerto Rico after it was struck by a hurricane a few short years ago. Thank the Lord Jesus Trump was there to toss these out to people. $Amen$
“WAAAAA!! WAAAA!! WAAAA!! Me don’t wike da Dumb’ocrats! Dey makes fun of me!!! WAAAA!!! WAAAA!! Wiberals are mean ta Donny!!!! WAAAAA!!! WAAAAA!!! Dey better stop makin’ fun of Wittle Donny or Wittle Donny’s gonna tell his Daddy, Vladimir Putin, on dem! WAAAA!!! WAAA!!! Daddy Vlad, dey pickin’ on Wittle Donny!!! Make ’em stop, Daddy Vlad!!!!! WAAAAAA!!! Wittle Donny no likes it! WAAAA!!”
Apparently, these diapers, made by Trump’s company in China, are very popular with his female followers and his male followers with penises that are shaped liked small mushrooms. Gotta hand it to Donny, if there’s a toileting need out there, he’s the one to fill it.
And, lastly, here’s a picture of a baby who’s cute, kind, smart, nice, not a wimp, and doesn’t whine like a menstruating cat when things get tough! “Help us, Baby Yoda, you’re our only hope!”