MAGA Hats Have Become Sentient And Violent

Trump City, Russia.   In a stunning development, a pile of MAGA hats yesterday attacked, and severely bruised, two liberals who were shopping at a local Target store.    “It was awful,” said Bethany Bigbody, one of the liberals attacked.  “My friend, Billy Tightcheeks, and I were at Target taking advantage of the Black Friday sales and talking about how much we missed Obama when an entire pile of MAGA hats leaped at us from a hat rack and shouted, ‘DOWN WITH LIBERAL SCUM!’  We were then covered in a sea of MAGA hats that repeatedly smashed their brims against our faces.   It was utterly terrifying, and if not for the quick work of a store clerk who grabbed a huge trash bag and tossed the raging hats into it, I’m certain we would have been beaten unconscious or worse.  Needless to say, my friend and I will be damned careful what we say from now on when stacks of MAGA hats are nearby.”

Bethany Bigbody With The Black Eye She Received From A Violent Group Of MAGA Hats

When The Armchair Pontificator contacted the Chinese manufacturer of MAGA hats, We Make ‘Em, You Buy ‘Em, for a comment on the violent, and sentient, nature of their hats, we were told to speak with Trump’s lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, who, when we did contact him, promptly threatened to sic a gross of MAGA hats on us if we didn’t stop asking questions.   Therefor, we can only suggest, that if you are a liberal, be very careful what it is you say when passing by MAGA hats in stores.  You may very well be beaten up if you aren’t.