Apologies To Those Supporting My Quest For A Nobel Prize

I inadvertently set my blog to private about 2 weeks ago and didn’t catch it til yesterday. Sorry. I’ve been distracted with the pressure The Nobel prize Committee is putting on me to stop pestering them. Fuckers! I WON”T STOP!!! NEVER!!! I will get the award, or I’ll hold my breath until I turn blue! Who’ll be laughing then, I wonder, eh?

A Nobel Prize Worthy Opinion On Conspiracy Theories

conspiracy wahck jobsDedicated followers of conspiracy theories expect me to believe that the American government is so powerful and omnipotent it secretly murdered 3000 innocent people on 9/11 and has kept hidden, for 50 plus years, the greatest discovery in the annuals of human history, space ships and aliens from another world. I’m also expected to believe that the U.S. government is so omnipotent it has been able to prevent all those involved with these massive cover ups from ever publicly stating, “Hey, I know who placed the explosives on the infrastructures of the Trade Center buildings!” or “Hey, I’m having diner tonight with the advanced alien species we keep hidden in the desert. Stop by and meet them.” It’s absolutely unbelievable to me, given the diarrhea-like nature of the human mouth and its incessant craving to blab about even the smallest thing, that the American government has been able to do this. This is one reason I do not take conspiracy theories seriously. The recent case of Edward Snowden is another.

Why couldn’t the omnipotent U.S. government stop Snowden from doing what he did? Why? Really, the same all-powerful government, that miraculously keeps everyone involved in the murder of 3000 people silent and keeps space aliens hidden in the fucking desert, can’t prevent a low-level NSA employee from yapping to the press about illegal internet and phone spying? Absolutely absurd.

Edward Snowden worked for the NSA, the one fucking department the U.S. government MUST have covered for leaks if it really does have aliens hidden away and it really did murder 3000 people on 9/11. But it didn’t, did it? No. Osama bin Laden killed those people on 9/11. And any alien species that has figured out a way to transverse the cosmos and come here is NOT hanging out in a fucking U.S. Army bunker in the New Mexican desert. It’s idiotic and asinine to believe such a thing. Just like it is idiotic and asinine to believe in conspiracy theories that bestow god-like abilities on organizations made up of mere mortals.

Man Claiming A Divine Being Spoke To Him Threatens To Boil All Who Doubt Him Alive

Clementine Hinkel

Mr. Harry Gopeepee says, “Believe Me, Or Die!”

Discrimination Town, Indiana.  In news today that some may find important, an unemployed San Francisco gold miner, named Harry Gopeepee, stated he had a life-altering religious experience during a vanilla extract drinking binge last night. “I saw a big red circle kind of thingy that floated out of a cloud. It floated up to me and said, ‘Mr. Gopeepee, I am an all-powerful god called, Red Round Thingy, and I command you to tell people I am real and that you saw me. If anyone doubts you, you must torture them by removing their eyelids and ask them not to doubt you. If they insist on doubting you after this, or call you impolite names, boil them alive in oil and feed them to wild pigs.

 Big Red Thingy Nonbeliever Boiling Alive

Red Round Thingy Doubter Boiling In Oil

And, please, don’t worry my son, if you find this difficult to do at first. By the 7th or 8th live boiling you’ll be so used to the screams and the smell of boiling flesh, you’ll hardly notice them anymore.’ After that, Red Round Thingy left saying he’d be back every now and then to check on how well I’m doing with my new mission. Tonight, I’m buying a big-ass pot and lots of cooking oil. I’ve a feeling I’ll be at this for a long time.”

Internet Search Engines To Be Used As Weapons Against Pedophile Rapist Priests

In news that is sure to crinkle the panties of every pedophile rapist priest who has ever had his celibate cock in the mouth or anus of a little boy, the internet’s most frequently used search engines will be used to expose and punish not only those priests who have raped little boys, but those who plan to in the future. Citing disgust with religious conservatives and their unending obsession with gay porn as the motivation for this unprecedented act, a representative for one of the most used search engines released the following statement today to the press. ” We have grown tired of the homophobic requests made by conservative religious groups and hate-filled gay obsessed individuals who continually demand that we block words such as homosexual and man on man action from our search parameters. The danger to America’s children does not come from pictures of adult, well-built hunks fucking each other like savage beasts on the internet. It comes from pedophile rapist priests who use their access to little boys and the trust these boys have in them to find tiny orifices in which to deposit their rapist semen. And it comes from the Catholic Church which then hides and supports the crimes of these boy rapists by moving them all over the world into new communities with fresh little boys to rape.

It is not words like homosexual that we will block, but the testicles and cocks of pedophile priest rapists. We have installed advanced tools into our search engines that will enable us to not only find priests who have raped little boys, but those who plan to in the future. Once found, the rapists and rapist wanna be’s will be abducted and taken to a secret location to have their balls removed and their cocks transformed into working vaginas. Once the new vaginas have healed, the new women will be taken to a prison somewhere in the Middle East, tied naked to a bed, then be raped repeatedly both vaginally and anally without interruption until dead. Further more, for every rapist that the Church has hidden, a Cardinal of our choice will be abducted and receive the same punishment as the rapists. The only difference will be in that these rapes will take place in 12 hour increments with a 24 hour break in between in order to prolong the torture for as long as possible. In the best circumstances, the Cardinals will be raped like this for decades.

The decision to do this is final. The crimes against the children of humanity will be avenged. The cock obsessed religious conservatives begging us to rid the world of what it is they most seem to love, gay male porn, have inspired us to rid the world of a true pestilence instead: Catholic priests who rape little boys. And for this, we humbly say, thank you.”

My Opinion On The Shakespeare Authorship Nonsense

Shakespeare Writing An Insulting Letter To Marlowe Questioning His Sexuality

Shakespeare Writing An Insulting Letter To Marlowe Questioning His Sexuality

I’ve been getting angry lately because whenever my great admiration of Shakespeare seems to come up in conversation, the response I almost always get back is that “some experts” now believe Shakespeare actually did not write Shakespeare, as if somehow this shocking revelation had previously been unknown to me. I’m not asked why I think Shakespeare is brilliant, or how many years it is I’ve studied and read his work. No. Most people I’ve spoken to about Shakespeare of late are convinced an authorship conspiracy exists, and that it is of utmost importance this fact be believed by anyone they tell it to. I’ve been looked at as if I’m several brain cells short of being a human vegetable when I say I do not see any credible evidence supporting such a belief. Ironically, many of these people have never read or even seen a Shakespeare play performed. And several couldn’t name more than 1 or 2 of his plays when asked. What a shame it’s this idiotic conspiracy nonsense that draws the focus of so many people today unfamiliar with Shakespeare and not an eagerness to understand why he is considered to be the greatest writer in the English language. Bullshit conspiracies that require nothing but a narcissistic belief in one’s own overblown sense of self are easier to grasp than “Hamlet”, I suppose.

The only evidence which exists (evidence that for 250 -300 years no one saw any need to question) of who wrote the works of Shakespeare is that Shakespeare wrote them, though not always alone. It has become well accepted by most Shakespearean scholars today that some of Shakespeare’s plays were written in collaboration with other writers. “Titus Andronicus” and “Henry the 8th” are two which come to mind. This means that the collaborators would have had to agree to hide the real Shakespeare’s identity too. Why? Really, why? Here is an excellent article from 2005 which illustrates my view on this matter and why I no longer think it is acceptable to simply ignore this issue, as I did for decades hoping it would just fade away.
http://observer.com/2005/09/the-shakespeare-code-is-itimesi-guy-kind-of-bard-creationist/

While an inquisitive mind and a willingness to sometimes look outside the box are skills every good scholarly skeptic needs, the first and foremost job of any good scientist is to find evidence supporting a hypothesis which can withstand hard, logical scrutiny from those who question its validity before one can begin to form a theory based on that hypothesis. The hypothesis that someone other than Shakespeare HAD to have written Shakespeare hasn’t produced any such evidence. Evidence that some of his last plays and a few of his very first ones having been written in collaboration with other writers does exist. This proves to nullify any authorship controversy for me completely.

Lastly, as much as I love and value Shakespeare, in the grand scheme of the Elizabethan and our current world, he just wasn’t and isn’t important enough to forge a hidden author conspiracy over. Really, Shakespeare was an actor and a play write like Quintin Tarantino is a screen writer and a director today. As much as I love and admire them both, and as great a loss as it would be to the world to have never had Shakespeare’s works to show us what it is to be truly human, the fucking stability of the cosmos does not rest on his or any artist’s works having ever existed at all. It just isn’t that fucking important. Really, it isn’t. Think about it.