12.31.23
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Happy New Year! Look What We Have In Store For You This Year

     As a grand way to start out this spanking new year, we here at The Arm Chair Pontificator would like to fill you in on some of the upcoming films our multi-billion dollar production company, We Film ‘Em, You Watch ‘Em, has coming out.  On February 15th, we have a delightful remake of Charlie’s Angels called, Donald’s Demons coming out.  The movie stars Marjorie Taylor Green, Lauren Boebert, and Lindsey Graham as three uppity FBI ladies who take orders from their boss, a guy calling himself only “Donald” who speaks to them only via a speaker phone in FBI headquarters.  Hilarity ensues as the three uppity ladies are asked to hunt down and destroy any and all “woke” activity they see poisoning the waters of America.  Be sure not to miss it.

   Next we have a little film we call Ron DeSantis vs The Florida Democratic Swamp Monster which comes out in June this year.  This film stars Sean Penn as Governor DeSantis and Barrack Obama as the evil, twisted Florida swamp creature that is destroying Christian and GOP children all throughout Florida  by giving them books to read that may or may not have been written by gay authors.  This one is a massive special effects bonanza so be sure and put it on your calendar. 

  And lastly, for now at least, we have a little horror film coming out in October called, An American Woke Liberal in Kentucky.   This film stars Senator Mitch McConnell as a Catholic exorcist who’s been sent by the Pope to Louisville, Kentucky because of rumors a trans woman is living there who’s been trying to get the state to turn blue.  “This type of activity MUST be exorcised from the state before it ruins it!” McConnell cries as the film begins.  This one’s gonna win an Academy Award, methinks!  So buckle up for fun at the movies this year folks.  And be sure to check back here to find out about more films coming later this year from The Arm Chair Pontificator and We Film ‘Em, You Watch ‘Em productions!

12.24.23
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Merry Christmas From The Arm Chair Pontificator

Santa Visits Baby Jesus And Asks, “Hey, kid, if you’re really a god, gimme a sleigh with eight flying reindeer so’s I kin zip around the globe ‘n give out toys to all the kids whose parents kin afford ’em!”

Howdy, and a big fat Merry atheist Christmas to the over 700 million subscribers to this blog.  Thanks for sticking around the blog all these years.  In this next year, I’ll be entertaining you with tales such as the ones listed below and many more.  Read on to see what’s coming in ’24.

1.) I’ll tell you the tale of how I lost my job as a world renowned porn star due to my insistence on refusing to do nude scenes.  2.)  I’ll tell you the story of how I and millions of other atheists won the war on Christmas by refusing to fight it in the first place.  3.) I’ll fill you in on how to be BOTH asleep and “woke” at the same time in order to confuse the living fuck outta right-wingers.  4.) I’ll explain to each and every one of my readers how to always be right about everything you say by uttering these magic words,”If YOU can’t prove what I’m saying is NOT true, then you MUST accept that it is!”  5.)  And finally, for now at least, I’ll explain the intricate reasons as to why becoming a juggler of new born human infants, or infants of any kind, really, is a VERY bad career choice.  See ya soon, folks. 

12.21.23
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Christians To Replace Christ With Trump

Giggleville, South Dakota. Rev. Jimmy Boydiddler, spokes-priest for all Christians everywhere, announced today that Jesus Christ has lost his job as Lord ‘n Savior of Christendom in favor of the much younger and far sexier Savior, Donald J. Trump. ”Trump is just more present in today’s world,” said Boydiddler, “than Christ has ever been. Trump’s kindness, empathy, and ability to bring together people of wildly different ideologies is a true inspiration for how all Christians should behave at all times. Additionally, His righteous rage and anger at the woke, evil, socialist, liberal left is a beacon on how all Conservatives should act towards these Satan-worshiping, child-eating space aliens,” Boydiddler continued. ”Let’s face it, the woke left are simply too dumb and stupid to be considered anything other than useless non-human vermin that need to be obliterated from the face of the earth in order to purify it for decent, human Conservatives everywhere. Therefor, all who once followed Christ, must now replace him in their hearts and prayers with the One, True Savior of all decent human beings, Our New Lord And Savior, Donald J. Trump.” 

Trump To Replace Christ As Leader Of Christianity
01.27.21
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Massive Caravans Of Scotsmen Invading America Since Biden’s Inauguration

Violent, Angry, Armed Scottish Immigrants Began Storming Into The U.S. On January 20th, 2021

U.S./Scottish Border, Texas.   Well, it looks like former President Donald Trump and his Republican allies were right about caravans of illegal immigrants charging into America if Biden were to become President.  Since President Biden’s inauguration on January 20th more than twenty thousand wild, feral, armed Scotsmen have charged across the U.S./Scotland border in southern Texas into America.  “These are horrible, disease-carrying, armed rapists with funny accents who ate my entire herd of cattle raw,” said one Texas cow-herder who prefers to rename nameless.  “I also strongly believe these people to be homosexuals because..well..because most of ’em are men and they’re wearin’ dresses,” the man said.   When asked to comment on the situation, President Biden had only this to say: “What, do you have something against a good plate of haggis?  Don’t you like bagpipe music?  Hell, let the Scots come!   This is America!  Everyone’s welcome here!  Even guys who talk funny and wear dresses instead of pants!”  Stay tuned to this blog for further developments on this ongoing situation.

12.24.20
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And Unto Mankind A Savior Is Born

Merry Christmas to the millions of readers of this blog from Our Lord ‘n Savior, Baby Jesus. May the love, empathy, kindness, and beauty of this wonderful infant watch over you and yours on this, the very eve of His most blessed birth.

12.01.20
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Biden Breaks Foot Kicking Trump In Diaper-Covered Ass

“I kicked him in his big, fat, orange, poop-filled, diapered-ass and broke my god damn foot! Jesus, but does that guy lay a solid friggin’ load! OUCH!!”

OAN City, California.   President-elect Joe Biden today revealed he’d broken his foot while kicking current President Trump’s ass in the November 3rd election.  “Man, it felt GREAT to kick that guy’s ass, but, god damn, he musta laid a huge, solid load in his poopy diaper when I did it cause I broke my god damn foot on it!”   Soon to be ex-President Trump could not be reached for comment on this issue.  It’s believed he’d pooped his diaper again when we asked to speak to him and was being cleaned and changed when we called.