Vote Early ‘N Often City, New York. Hello to my fellow Americans and fellow voters. I’m here to tell you that I’ve just ordered 56 thousand mail-in voting ballots for myself and will most certainly cast all of them for Joe Biden so I can help him win the same way I helped President Hillary Clinton win in 2016. It is SOOOO easy to vote as often as you want in America, that I encourage EVERYONE to do it. It’s easy to do, AND, it’s perfectly legal in most states–even my dog voted in 2016 for Hillary. How else could she have won, eh?
So, to all those Trump supporters out there who are worried that the Dems are gonna cheat, I say this: We are gonna cheat! And so should you! It really, really is easy as pie. Just request as many mail-in ballots as you can fill out in 3 or 4 weeks and vote away! Then, on Nov. 3rd, go to your local polling place as many times as you want and cast multiple ballots for Donald Trump. Christ, if it worked to get Hillary elected in 2016, surely it can easily work to get Donald elected this time. You simply MUST vote as often as possible, Trump voters, or the Dems are gonna beat your asses like they did in 2016. Oh, before I leave you to it, please remember to brag to everyone you know, and to the election officials at your voting place on election day, that you are voting multiple times. Everyone will thank you for it; tell you it’s legal, and gladly tell you what a great American you are. So vote away, Trump supporters! Princess Donald is counting on you! $Amen$
Watch this clip from Stephen Colbert’s “The Late Show”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qyx5j6i98kw. It’s funny, sad and frightening at the same time. THESE are Trump supporters exposed. To quote Puck from Shakespeare’s “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” “Lord, what fools these mortals be!” These people redefine the words, “fucking idiots.”
Update: Here is a second part to this video from Colbert’s show last night: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-7W5BCIFdg We are FUCKED America! FUCKED!!
Brilliant Valley, North Carolina. President Trump today announced he was asked to recite the alphabet by his family physician to test his cognitive health and only missed one letter. “Not only did I miss just one letter,” Trump said, “I also recited 18 of the remaining 25 letters in the correct order. Now, let Joe Biden try to top that, eh?! My physician told me my performance on this ‘alphabet test’ PROVES my mind is operating at a genius IQ level. He also told me that the letter I missed, ‘X’, I believe it was, is a stupid letter that only stupid people like Democrats would remember anyway. And just let Joe Biden try to get 18 letters of the alphabet in the correct order without mixing up a few! Ha! He couldn’t get two in row right much less 18! SAD!! So, as all who are fair to me and intelligent can see, my mind is operating at peak capacity and I’m clearly the most qualified person to be President. Period. End of story. MAGA!”
Tongue Up Trump’s Ass City, New York. Tucker Carlson of Fox News fame today stated that the reason his face is always in an expression of severe pain is because he’s had a butt plug in the shape of Donald Trump’s mushroom penis permanently shewn into his anal cavity.