Hope everyone but the bastards on the Nobel Prize Committee, who STILL refuse to acknowledge my self-awarded Nobel Prize, have a grand and safe effin’ New Year. And let’s hope for a wonderful 2020, y’all!
To all my 5 billion world-wide readers and to all my friends at the Nobel Prize Committee, have a Merry God Damn Christmas and a Mother Effing Great New Year! $Amen$
Amazing City, Alabama. In stunning news today a chicken, owned by a farmer named Henry Yankmeoff, laid a duck, and not a chicken egg. “This is just shocking,” said Farmer Yankmeoff. Neither I, nor my chicken, have a bloody clue as to how such a miraculous thing could have happened, but this morning, at about 5AM, my chicken laid a duck’s egg. “This is truly miraculous.” When Farmer Yankmeoff was asked how he and his chicken knew that it was a duck egg and not a chicken egg that was laid, Farmer Yankmeoff replied,”Because the egg was laid quacked you silly goose!”
Here are few pics of Donald Trump that beg the question, “Is he a man, or a baby?”
Trump City, Russia. In a stunning development, a pile of MAGA hats yesterday attacked, and severely bruised, two liberals who were shopping at a local Target store. “It was awful,” said Bethany Bigbody, one of the liberals attacked. “My friend, Billy Tightcheeks, and I were at Target taking advantage of the Black Friday sales and talking about how much we missed Obama when an entire pile of MAGA hats leaped at us from a hat rack and shouted, ‘DOWN WITH LIBERAL SCUM!’ We were then covered in a sea of MAGA hats that repeatedly smashed their brims against our faces. It was utterly terrifying, and if not for the quick work of a store clerk who grabbed a huge trash bag and tossed the raging hats into it, I’m certain we would have been beaten unconscious or worse. Needless to say, my friend and I will be damned careful what we say from now on when stacks of MAGA hats are nearby.”
When The Armchair Pontificator contacted the Chinese manufacturer of MAGA hats, We Make ‘Em, You Buy ‘Em, for a comment on the violent, and sentient, nature of their hats, we were told to speak with Trump’s lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, who, when we did contact him, promptly threatened to sic a gross of MAGA hats on us if we didn’t stop asking questions. Therefor, we can only suggest, that if you are a liberal, be very careful what it is you say when passing by MAGA hats in stores. You may very well be beaten up if you aren’t.
Happy Thanksgiving from The Armchair Pontificator to all my readers on this glorious day of love, togetherness and thankfulness celebrated throughout America! And, please, no matter where you are in the world today, or who who are with, give someone a big, fat hug of thankfulness for me. It’ll make ya’ feel good. (As long as ya’ don’t get too handsy, that is.)