Donald Trump, Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell To Form New Boy Band

New Boy Band: The Treasonous Three

QAnon Village, Ohio.     Donald Trump, Paul Ryan, and Mitch McConnell announced today they are forming a new boy band called The Treasonous Three.   “Let me tell you something,” President Trump said earlier, “Mitch, Paul, and I can harmonize like angels singing to Jesus when we belt out tunes.  We noticed how wonderful we sound together at Vladimir Putin’s birthday party a few months back while we were sing, For He’s A Jolly Good Comrade to him.    We sounded so dulcet and sweet we literally brought tears to Vlad’s eyes.   Right then and there, President Putin decided we should form a boy band called The Treasonous Three, and he committed to being our manager.  He’s already been managing our political policies for years, so, we thought, why the hell not this, too.  We will be touring Russia and Ukraine in September, and then we’ll come home to tour America just in time for the November midterms, elections that President Putin has ensured us will most definitely go our way.  So, be sure to watch for the time and date we’ll be in your home town, so you can enjoy the lovely harmonies of The Treasonous Three up close and personal.    You most certainly don’t want to miss it while a treasonous trio is singing right in your own city.   See you soon.  And, until then, remember, if it sounds and looks just like something you really, really want to be true, it is.”

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A Secret Message To Believers In Q Anon

“Q” is really “R”.   Deal with that, Q Anon-ers!  Hahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!   (BTW, if anyone from the Deep State or the Illuminati is reading this, please give me a jingle.  I VERY much want to join your organization and help you wreak havoc on the world.  I’ve been trying to drop off my resume with you, but, damn, you all are extremely difficult to find.)

The Real Q

10 Rules To Live By

Here are ten golden rules to live by.  These are serious rules.  They’re not funny or satirical in any way.  They are NOT an example of Poe’s Law.   They MIGHT be sponsored and practiced by the Illuminati, the Deep State, and QAnon.   If you don’t believe all I’ve written here, you’re wrong and need to slam your head into a wall until you WAKE UP AND LEARN TO DEAL WITH REALITY!!!!!  OK, here are the rules.

1.)  Whatever you think to be true, is.

2.)  If anyone questions your beliefs, they’re wrong.

3.)  If you agree with someone famous, that person is right and can not be wrong.

4.)  Proof of an invisible supernatural world rests in the fact that science doesn’t have EVERY answer to EVERY question and never did.

5.)  Your world view is the RIGHT world view.  Thus, those not holding said view are fair game to be called names and mocked.

6.)  The deeper your belief in something, the more truthful it is.

7.)  People who behave differently than what you deem to be normal are weird.

8.)  If someone doesn’t meet your standard of what is beautiful, they’re not.

9.)  Your opinion is equal to, or more important than, any other opinion –no matter what the opinion is, who states it or what it’s about.

10.)  Politics based on identity are annoying, disgusting, and a HUGE sign of hyper-sensitivity and weakness–unless they’re about you and who YOU are as a person.

 

 

Trump Farts In Elevator, Blames Obama

Trump Making A “I Just Farted Face.”

Gaslight City, Iowa.   President Trump today farted in an elevator full of people in Trump Tower in New York and quickly blamed it on Obama even though Obama was not in the elevator.    “Yes, I know the fart smell in this elevator is awful,” Trump reportedly said to the people on the elevator, “but I’m NOT the one who blew the fart.  No, it was Obama who did it.  Yes, I know he isn’t here right now, but at some point in the past he was most likely on this very elevator, you can’t prove he wasn’t, and farted so powerfully that the stench from it is STILL in here.   I’ve been cleaning up the stench of Obama’s failures for a year and a half now, and I must now get someone to clean his fart stink from this elevator before it causes the stock market to crash or something worse.”

When it was pointed out to President Trump that people on the elevator actually heard the fart sound come from his buttocks, he declared, “No fart sound!  No collusion!  No fart smell!  No collusion!  This is clearly a witch hunt to try to blame ME for a fart sound I did not make!  This must stop in order for our country to function again.  I’ve no further comment except to say, no fart sound!  No collusion!  None whatsoever!  This interview is OVER!”

Take This Quiz To Find Out How Big Of A Trump Supporter You Are

This Trump quiz was written by, and co-sponsored by, Russian President Vladimir Putin and former New York Mayor, Rudy Giuliani.  Take it to see just how big of a Trump supporter you truly are.

1.) Climate change is:  A.) Bullshit  B.) A liberal sob story with no basis in reality  C.) An attempt by Hillary Clinton to rule the world  D.) The true last name of Barrack Obama  E.) All of the above

2.) Evolution is:  A.) A Type of New York style pizza  B.) An atheist attack on Christmas  C.) Something you don’t truly understand but criticize anyway because it’s easier to do that than to actually find out more about it  D.) Whatever Donald Trump tells you it is  E.)  All of the above

3.) The most unfairly treated person in world history is:  A.) Jesus Christ  B.) OJ Simpson  C.) John Wayne Gacy  D.) Any child with painful, terminal brain cancer  E.) Donald Trump

4.) Donald Trump’s penis is:  A.) The biggest penis ever  B.) Elephant sized  C.) Used frequently near or around women without their consent D.) Oranger than the rest of him E.) Called “Donny’s ‘lil man” by Vladimir Putin

5.) Robert Mueller is:  A.) A mother fucker  B.) A brutish, liberal thug who’s out to get President Trump  C.) Never sober  D.)  Leading an unwarranted witch hunt against Donald Trump  E.)  All of the above

6.) Reality is:  A.) Whatever Donald Trump says it is  B.) Not anything the liberal media says it is  C.) A fluent, movable thing that rarely is the same thing two days in a row  D.) Based solely on opinion and nothing more  E.) All of the above

7.) Donald Trump is orange because:  A.) He eats a lot of carrots  B.) All superior human beings are orange  C.) It’s Putin’s favorite color  D.) He isn’t really orange, you idiot.  You’re eyes are just playing tricks on you  E.) He gets peed on a lot

8.) Christmas is:  A.) Something Muslims hate  B.) A capitalist’s wet dream  C.) A time to not give gifts to people you hate so they’ll REALLY know you hate them  D.) Warred on yearly by non-believing, atheist bastards  E.) All of the above

9.) Canada is:  A.) America’s biggest enemy  B.) A country filled with weenies  C.) A country filled with oddballs who talk funny  D.) Physically too close to America for comfort  E.) All of the above

10.) Alternate facts are:  A.) The only true facts  B.) True only when a spokesperson for Donald Trump states them  C.) Preferable over true facts  D.)  Not alternate so much as real  E.) All of the above

 

 

The Media Is Out To Get Me

These Effing Sons O’ Bitches Are Out To Ruin Me

As anyone who reads this blog knows, several years ago I awarded myself a Nobel Prize because I felt I deserved it.  Ever since that time, I’ve been hounded and mocked by the Nobel Prize Committee simply because I demand they acknowledge my prize.   I prank call them; send dead skunks to their children’s schools, and send fire ant-filled pinatas to the nursing homes were their elderly parents live.  Yet, still, they refuse to acknowledge that I even exist.  Sure, they’ve had restraining orders taken out against me, but, so what?  I’m still out here, and I ain’t going away ’til I get my prize from them.   Recently, however, the media has become involved in the harassment I endure daily from the Nobel Prize Committee.

The media, I once thought, would be my friend against the Nobel Committee.  I sent letters to every major, and minor news outlet in the country to notify them of the great injustice I live with every day of my life.  Not one of them has responded or acknowledged I even exist.  This is ridiculous and cruel.  How many self-awarded Nobel Prize winners are there for Christ’s sake?  None but me that I can think of.  Is this not a major story for the media?  It should be.  But, because the Nobel Prize Committee has tainted my image with the media, I’m ignored by them.  This is abusive, unfair, and cruel.  The media are out to ruin my good name simply by ignoring the great things I’ve done and the great prizes I’ve awarded myself.  I’ll stand for it no more.  From this day forward, I’m declaring war on the media.  They are fake.  And, since they refuse to tout my greatness, everything they say and report about is fake.

My Arch Enemies. I Hate These Bastards.

I’ve got a letter in to Rudy Giuliani  demanding that he stop talking smack to the media about Robert Mueller and start talking smack to them about how unfair they’re being to me.  So far, he’s not responded to me.   He’d better , or I’ll send a porcupine to his New York office to stick quills in his butt.   My war on the media now joins my war on the Nobel Prize Committee, and it will continue unabated until I receive all the praise I’ve decided I deserve from both of them.  It’s gonna get ugly around here, folks.  So buckle up and enjoy the show.  It’s gonna be one you’ll never forget.  $Imperious Rex$

Why Doesn’t Melania Leave Herr Trump?

“Hmmm….Why Do I Stay With This Guy?” Melania Trump Asks Herself.

After reading a post over on Nan’s blog, https://sayitnow.wordpress.com/2018/06/23/does-melania-care/, I started to think about why Melania Trump doesn’t simply leave her husband, the Glorious, Supreme Leader of America, Donald Trump.

I guess, if she left him, especially right now, she’d be labeled a whore, a cheater, and a money seeking b**ch like every other woman who’s accused his royal highness of wrong doing.  Very few women want to go through that, I’d imagine.  “Blame the accuser” is an American motto, especially in regards to women speaking out against powerful men.  Thus, many, many women simply refuse to put themselves through it.  Trump’s other wives got divorced from Celebrity Donald Trump, not psycho, lunatic President Trump.  President Trump is far worse.  He’s Celebrity Trump on very bad steroids with the power of the Presidency behind him.  Thus, a 24/7 smear campaign would go into effect should Melania leave Trump and, worse yet, speak out against him.  Rudy Giuliani would certainly “find” pictures of her sleeping with (fill in the blank) to PROVE what a horrid human being she is.   Perhaps they’d pull a Henry the 8th and accuse her of sleeping with her brother; then call for her beheading.  Trump’s base would cheer for that.  His base, which, like it or not, is in the tens of millions, would also call for her to be “locked up” and whatever NDA’s and pre-nups were in place would surely slam into full effect.  All these things, I’m sure, weigh on her decision to stay or not to stay with Trump.  I’m not saying she’s a saint, or didn’t know exactly what she was getting into when she married this guy, but, her life, should she dump Trump (great phrase, that, “dump Trump”) would be in shambles both emotionally and financially if she did.

Anyone thinking a ride into glory awaits women who speak out against powerful men who’ve hurt them is simply not paying attention to reality these days.  The attacks for leaving Trump, should Melania do that, would be ceaseless and backed by millions of rabid loons who worship Herr Trump like a deity.  Does anyone honestly think otherwise? “Coming out” against Trump has not gone well for other female “coming outers.”  Hard to say what’s in another person’s mind, but, if I knew the living hell Trump would make my life by daring to go against him, I’d be afraid to go against him, even knowing what a pig/monster he is.  Could I do it?  Don’t know.  But I certainly do feel she was a damned idjit to marry him in the first place.  He is a disgusting human being.  She made her bed.  I don’t feel all that terrible for her, but, in many ways, I do feel sorry for her.