I’m Moses, And I Exist, God Damn It!

Here’s an older post I’m re-posting just cause I want to, God Damn It!

The Arm Chair Pontificator

I'm Real, God Damn It! Says Moses I’m Real, God Damn It! Says Moses

Hello. This is Moses. Yes. THAT Moses, God damn it! Which Moses did you think it was? Your Uncle Moses from Jersey? Do you even have an Uncle Moses from Jersey? Does ANY ONE have an Uncle Moses from Jersey? I thought not, God damn it! So shut up a minute and let me talk already, God damn it! It’s come to my attention that several Rabbis, Christians, a-theists, and other such ninnies have been debating whether or not I ever existed. Apparently, some putzes think the stories in the Bible about me were just made up, and I am but a conglomeration of people combined into one guy by the writers of the Old Testament. Well, I’m here to tell you, that I AM Moses. I do exist, and I am the Moses written about in the Bible, God damn it! As…

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Welcome To Alabama: The Pedophile State

Alabama: The Pedophile State

Montgomery, Alabama.     Men, would you like to press your naked, aroused flesh against the body of a 13 or 14 year child but fear the legal repercussions of doing so?   Well, then, relocate your fine self to Alabama where such things are not only allowed, they’re encouraged.    Here in Alabama, we raise our children to do two things:  Love their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, with all their heart, and submit to the sexual advances of any adult male who wants them without question.   Back in Moses’ day, gals as young as 9 or 10 were married off to men in their 60’s all the time.  And why not?  Did God not make the woman to please the man?  Did Jesus Christ not say, “Love your children as you would your sheep?”  I most certainly don’t think Jesus meant for men to make wool out of their children.  That’s just nutty.  So, besides making wool, what else are sheep used for if not to gratify the sexual needs of the shepherd?   Doesn’t it make far more sense for sexually frustrated adult men to satisfy their needs by having sex with children rather than by fornicating with sheep?  Of course it does!   Ain’t no sheep gonna tell ya’ how much it loves you while your making love with it the way a child can.  I can tell ya’ that!  So, if you’re a man who would like the freedom to stalk children for your prurient needs, then come to Alabama.  You’ll love it here.  Hell, you’ll love it SO much you may decide to run for the Senate and represent our state on the Hill one day.

I Offered To Make A Plea Agreement With Mueller

“Who The F**k Is The Arm Chair Pontificator,” Says Mueller.

I called Robert Mueller’s office this morning to make a plea agreement with him on the Trump/Russia case.   The woman who answered the phone refused to let me talk to Mr. Mueller because I’m not in any way connected to Trump or anyone else involved in the case.    After I swore at her and insulted her lineage, she hung up on me.  I called back and told her if she continued to refuse to let me speak to Mueller I’d prank call her and all of her family every day for the next ten years.  She hung up on me again and now, wait til you hear this, a cop just came to my door with a restraining order ordering me to never call Mueller’s office or this woman again.   Unreal!  The persecution I face every day for being a self-awarded Nobel Prize winner is sickening.   I’m not going to let this rest.  Believe you me, I’ll have my vengeance on Mueller for ignoring me and this woman for hanging up on me if it’s the last thing I ever do!   I’m not sure yet how to go about it without getting arrested, but as soon as I figure something out, I’ll let everyone know.   Until then, remember, it’s now summertime in Australia, so not all is bad.