Famous Historical Cock Suckers

Vacuum Lips City, California.  We’ve all done it. You know, called someone a cock sucker regardless of whether or not we knew they actually were one. Well, I’ve discovered, through intensive meditation and shameless alcohol consumption, that humans have been referring to one another as cock suckers for thousands of years now. It is an inarguable fact, to those who chose to believe it is, that many famous and infamous people, all throughout history, were regularly referred to as cock suckers by those closest to them. A few are listed below for your intellectual perusal.

Who Doesn't Know This Gesture?

Who Doesn’t Know This Gesture?

Famous Historical Cock Suckers

1.) Ancient Egyptian Pharaoh, Ramses the Second.   Ramses was first called a cock sucker while in High School by his Junior year French teacher, a smokin’ hot Hebrew babe named, Sasha Vaginastein. The two were rumored to be lovers and Ms. Vaginastein almost exclusively referred to Ramses as her “little cock sucker” when speaking about him. “My little cock sucker’s gonna be Pharaoh one day, so don’t fuck with me,” she’d often say to those who had offended her in some way. Ironically, Ms. Vaginastein was caught sucking the cock of a palace guard shortly after Ramses became Pharaoh. He had her buried alive with the guard’s severed cock sewn into her mouth. Ouch.

Little Cock Sucker

Little Cock Sucker

2.) Judas Iscariot.   There’s not much to say about Judas, other than the fact he is the first scientifically confirmed person in history exclusively referred to as a cock sucker in a derogatory fashion. “That cock sucker always over cooks my matzo balls,” Peter was once heard saying in reference to him. As well, Luke’s voice could often be heard bellowing out commands to him like these: “Clean my feet, cock sucker,” and, “Suck my cock, cock sucker.” Biblical scholars have recently confirmed this was the reason Judas betrayed Jesus. Can’t really say I blame the cock sucker, though. Can you?

Now We Know Why

Now We Know Why

3.) Anne Boleyn.  “You’ll really like Anne, she’s a cock sucker.” These were the words Anne’s own father used when he first described her to Henry the 8th. “I LOVE cock suckers,” was Henry’s reply, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Anne's Talent Couldn't Save Her From This

Anne’s Talent Couldn’t Save Her From This

 

 

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27 thoughts on “Famous Historical Cock Suckers

  1. I love the idea of famous cock suckered
    Like this whole subcategory of people unknown to the rest of us
    Super jerk living in the wilds of New Jersey
    Great post
    Excellent work

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  2. hahahahaha…nice.

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  3. OMG You are a bad boy. . but hilarious!!! 🙂 I have a cold, and laughing this hard is not recommended. . I sound like a seal. . .

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  4. Pingback: June 4, 2014 “Meet the Investmatrons” « SavagePilgrims

  5. Sasha Vaginastein? Lol! You need to get a job creating Bond girl characters, man!

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  6. Very interesting history lesson. I’m surprised to hear Judas’ cock sucking capabilities were not appreciated…I mean, he hang out with 12 of his friends all the time. I guess that means he wasn’t half as good at sucking cock as Anne Boleyn was..and given her fate her accomplishments in the field of cock sucking can’t have been all that stellar either…

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    • I hear he actually was very good. However, the very same fellas whose cocks he sucked privately hated him for it publicly. Gotta hate it publicly cause, well, it’s gay. And Biblical dudes have a rep to maintain. Wouldn’t want em to ruin that now.

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  7. Sounds legit 🙂

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  8. My Dear Friend…

    You jes’ ain’t right! (in the head)

    Laughing Laughing Laughing!!
    My Ass OFF!
    (Judas fuckin’ Escargot!)
    Oy vey!
    Oy vey
    Oy fuckin’ Vey!

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  9. Interesting,

    Like

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