Artist’s Rendering Of Me Practicing Ballet, Circa 1995
1.) Ask a woman out on a date for the first time.
2.) Walk into a gas station to ask for directions.
3.) Juggle 5 cats at the same time.
4.) Go into a biker bar and yell out,” You’re all a bunch of sissies!”
5.) Deliver pizza to a 5 year old’s birthday party.
6.) Work as a CNA in a nursing home for Alzheimer’s patients.
7.) Tell the cop who just pulled me over, “Look, I don’t have my license on me cause I’m not wearing any clothes!”
8.) Ride a horse through the city in a snow storm.
9.) Sunbathe next to a convent filled with horny nuns.
10.) Jump on a trampoline in school yard full of children.
Ivan Drago From Rocky 4 Says, ” Ivan Loves Trump’s New American Anthem!”
New Moscow, New York. Donald Trump today, claiming it had NOTHING to do with Russia, signed an executive order declaring this song to be the new American National anthem: Russia National anthem Russian & English lyrics – YouTube
Just Try ‘N Get Past THIS, You Bad Hombres, You!
Toyland, North Pole. President Trump today announced a new plan for his Mexican border wall. “It’s a YUGE idea,” Trump said earlier. “We’re gonna build the wall out of Legos and save a bigly amount of money by doing so. Everyone loves Legos, even Mexicans and their President, Hombre Gracias what’s his face. And since President Hombre and his drug cartel, rapist citizens love Legos, they’ll have no problem with paying for the wall and building it themselves. Thus, we God-loving Americans will not have to spend a dime or shed a single drop of sweat in constructing this great, impenetrable wall that will keep America free of Mexicans for a YUGE amount of time. See, I really, really am like a smart person, am I not? Welp, time to spend 11 million dollars of the taxpayer’s money so I can take the weekend off and golf. See you all on Monday afternoon.”
1.) What did the necrophiliac like most about her boyfriend? He was always stiff.
2.) What was the most popular HBO show among necrophiliacs? Deadwood.
3.) What book do necrophiliacs read on long plane trips? Stephen King’s, The Dead Zone.
4.) The smell of —– is an aphrodisiac for necrophiliacs? Formaldehyde.
5.) Where did the necrophiliac take his bride on their honeymoon? The Dead Sea.
6.) Why are necrophiliacs angry at Jesus? Because he was only dead for 3 days.
7.) Name an important quality all necrophiliacs look for in a mate. Rigamortis.
8.) What brand of deodorant did the necrophiliac give his girlfriend on their first date? Lysol