Wanna bend people’s minds and blow ’em through the stratosphere like a true, blue young earth creationist? Just use one or two of these well-argued arguments and you’ll be the envy of everyone who knows you. 
1.) If someone tells you the earth is older than 6000 years and wasn’t created by God, ask them this: “Well, how do you know? Where you there 6000 years ago when God created it?” Ha! that one’s a mic dropper, ain’t it.
2.) Tell someone Julius Caesar never lived and is a fictional character. If they disagree with you, say this: “How would you know? Were you there when he lived?” Awesome, right! You should see the looks I get from people when I drop this logic bomb on them!
3.) Tell people you are being abducted by grey-skinned aliens every night, having coffee with them, and, sometimes, having sex with them. If they question this assertion, tell them this: “Look, since you’re not there when this happens to me, and these aliens, for some reason, won’t appear to anyone BUT me, you can’t say it isn’t happening. Until you can prove to me that it isn’t happening, it is.” BAM!!! YUGE win for the home team!
3.) If someone tells you that climate change is real and 99% of earth’s scientists believe this, drop this winner on them: “Oh, really? Since it can’t be ABSOLUTELY proven, with 100% certainty, that this is true, it isn’t, so you lose, you fuckin’ libtard!” This one is SUCH a wonderful argument, I’m often punched in face right after I tell it to someone. Libtards are SO sensitive when they’re proven wrong, aren’t they.
4.) Here’s a great statement to say to people at kids’ birthday parties: “All women who claim they’ve been sexually assaulted, and don’t have video and/or DNA evidence to prove it, are liars.” If people attempt to question this or act offended that you said it, tell ’em this: “Look, sissy, were you there when every woman who says she was sexually assaulted was? If you weren’t then shut up with your stupid questions and go home!” Man, this one is SO solid, I often pee a little after I say it!
5.) Finally, here’s a great argument to prove whatever it is you believe to be true is. “Since we don’t know everything about everything, then we must believe anything MIGHT be true. Thus, what I’m saying is true no matter how much you don’t believe it or how extremely unlikely you say it is!” This argument has ended more conversations for me than I can number. Use it, and you’ll see why.
Peace out, and remember, since all opinions are equal, yours are some of the most brilliant that have ever been held in mankind’s history.
Don’t entirely understand why anyone would want to celebrate the labor part of birthing a child, but, this is America and we’re kinda f**ked up here. So, here’s wishing all the moms in America a happy Labor Day! I’m so glad it’s you all who get to have babies and continue our race cause if it were up to men to do it, we’d have died out thousands of years ago. Enjoy the day, the memories, and pop a pain pill on me if it hurts at all. See ya next year!
The Arm Chair Pontificator 