Things I’ve Decided To Never Again Do Naked

Artist’s Rendering Of Me Practicing Ballet, Circa 1995

1.) Ask a woman out on a date for the first time.

2.) Walk into a gas station to ask for directions.

3.) Juggle 5 cats at the same time.

4.) Go into a biker bar and yell out,” You’re all a bunch of sissies!”

5.) Deliver pizza to a 5 year old’s birthday party.

6.) Work as a CNA in a nursing home for Alzheimer’s patients.

7.) Tell the cop who just pulled me over, “Look, I don’t have my license on me cause I’m not wearing any clothes!”

8.) Ride a horse through the city in a snow storm.

9.) Sunbathe next to a convent filled with horny nuns.

10.) Jump on a trampoline in school yard full of children.

On International Women’s Day, Trump Angry There Were No Pussies To Grab

“The International Women’s Day Was Bigly Wrong Because It Interfered In My Personal Right To Grab Pussy As I Pleased. There Were No Pussies Around Me To Grab Today, And That, That, Is Un-American!”  Donald Trump, March 8th, 2017

Trump Institutes New National Anthem

Ivan Drago From Rocky 4 Says, ” Ivan Loves Trump’s New American Anthem!”

New Moscow, New York.    Donald Trump today, claiming it had NOTHING to do with Russia, signed an executive order declaring this song to be the new American National anthem: Russia National anthem Russian & English lyrics – YouTube

George Washington Quote Of The Day

“I dream of a day when American Presidents can simply make shit up, blabber it out, and have millions of devout followers believe all they say. It is for this reason the Revolutionary War was fought. It is for this reason I find this miserable life, where hot showers do not yet exist, livable. And it is for this reason Martha thinks I’m bat-shit crazy and will no longer sleep with me.” From George Washington’s inaugural address. 1789