Check out this article from The Washington Post about what’s happening to the Republican Party because a vast majority of its fan base support the racist, xenophobic, hate-filled rhetoric spewed by their perceived savior, Donald Trump. The Republican Party’s implosion over Donald Trump’s candidacy has arrived
All I can say is, it couldn’t be happening to a more deserving group of bigots.
“I love myself SO much,” says Donald Trump, “that I wish I could French kiss myself to sleep every night.”
Narcissist Valley, North Dakota. Donald Trump announced today that he is madly in love with himself and plans to marry himself after he becomes President in November. “I’m friggin’ HOT baby! I’m so good-looking, suave, and brilliant, that if I could make love to myself and produce more of me, I would,” Mr. Trump said earlier. “Has anyone in America EVER seen a more masculine, more buff, more eloquent hunk of a man-god than me? Of course not. I LOVE myself, and as soon as I whip the shit outta whichever pansy, liberal, atheist, socialist asshole wins the Democratic nomination in November, I’m gonna marry myself and take myself to Paris for a 4 week honeymoon. Thanks to all my supporters out there who continually confirm for me that I am as godlike as I think I am. I….well…I was gonna say I love you, but since I don’t actually love anyone but myself, all I can say is..I kinda like ya’.”
The Invisible Man stopped by our Tokyo office the other day with a few selfies he wanted us to show to our readers. Here they are for your perusal.
Here’s me, The Invisible Man, at the beach last summer.
And here I am hiking through the woods in Wisconsin in the fall of 2014
Me on the street in front of my house during the first snowfall of 2015
And, lastly, here I am with Mickey’s arm around me at Disneyland in the Spring of 2013
Ted Cruz Giving “The Finger” To WordPress Users
Theocrat Town, Texas. Ted Cruz today released a statement in which he claims all WordPress users are gay. “Since WordPress allows individuals a platform to express opinions that do not support Jesus, and me, Ted Cruz, his anointed spokesmen on Earth, I must concur, using the powerful brain Jesus gave me, that all WordPress users are gay. I don’t like gay people and think they’re icky. To get back at me, they’ve created WordPress to express themselves in ways I, and Jesus, do not condone. I find this offensive and a horrible violation of my right, as a Christian, to cram my religion up the asses of every man, woman, and child in America. Once I’m President, I’ll put an end to WordPress, gays, Jews, Blacks, Hispanics, poor people, disabled people, liberals and everyone else in America who refuses to kiss my rectum and follow my religion. God bless America, and God bless freedom!”
Dude, This Blog Is Offensive
Great news this morning. I created a new blogger award and gave it to myself. It’s The Offensive Blogger Award, and here’s why I received it.
1.) Gratuitous use of the word “fuck” for no good fuckin’ reason.
2.) Continuously publishing posts about Republicans that say they are greedy, heartless, bastards in a one-sided, prejudiced way.
3.) Blog shows a vile, and unfettered dislike towards Creationists and other right-wing religious conservatives who bother the living fuck outta me with their idiotic banter and continuous bitching about how THEIR rights are being violated because I don’t kiss their asses and praise them for believing in invisible sky fairies.
4.) Blog makes too many lists of silly shit in its posts.
5.) Blog picks far too much on pedophile rapist priests and the Catholic Church which breeds, distributes, and protects them from prosecution by covering up their crimes and hiding them in one unsuspecting community after another. Fuck the Catholic Church. Hard. (See, I just did it again)
6.) And, lastly, though I insist everyone in life has a right to express their opinions, I deeply believe those who do not agree with mine are completely wrong. Why? Because I read it here on my blog, and everyone knows that if something is written down, it surely can’t be wrong.
Here are a few valuable lessons life’s taught me.
1.) It doesn’t matter how many times you’re indicted, or for what, as long as you’re never convicted.
2.) Juggling kittens because you want to show off your juggling skills to impress babes is a pretty bad idea.
3.) Filling a pinata at a child’s birthday party with live fire ants is a surefire way to get yourself sued and/or arrested. No matter how funny you think it will be, trust me, no one else at the party will.
4.) Calling members of the Nobel Prize Committee and threatening to “work them over” unless they give you a Nobel Prize for being a goddamn genius should only be done from a burner phone. It took me multiple arrests before I learned this lesson.
5.) Newborns do not like jalapeno peppers.
6.) You’ll catch more fish with a worm than you will with a communion wafer.
7.) No matter how loud you can belch, it will not impress the hot chick sitting next to you on the bus.
8.) Just because YOU think walking around on the beach naked is OK doesn’t mean you should.
9.) It is rare to find the person who’s mistaken gorilla glue for sex lubricant more than once.
10.) You actually have to have been an actor in movie to get nominated for an Academy Award.
Why did the necrophiliac break up with her Republican boyfriend?
Because the only thing truly dead about him was his heart.