Trumpy Bear

This is a real product.  They run the ads on some of the nostalgic TV stations I watch.  Honestly, it is real.   Check it out.

Trumpy Bear Official Commercial – YouTube

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Ask A Rant

Dear Rant, I greatly need your help.  I started 1st grade about 2 weeks ago, and I made friends right away.  However, a few days ago, my two front teeth fell out causing me to lisp and whistle when I speak.  Several kids are now making fun of me because of this, and I really don’t like it.  They’re hurting my feelings and my mom’s afraid this will cause me great emotional pain for the rest of my life. What should I do to make them stop?  Thanks in advance for your help, Little Suzie Toocute, a 1st grade girl.

 

Dear Little Suzie Toocute,  ARE YOU F**KIN’ KIDDING ME!!???  KIDS ARE PICKING ON YOU AND YOU DON’T LIKE IT???  WHAT THE F**K, KID, GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF AND FIGHT BACK!!!  TELL ANY KID WHO’S PICKING ON YOU THAT THEY’RE SATAN SPAWN AND WILL BURN FOREVER IN HELL IF THEY DON’T LEAVE YOU THE F**K ALONE; THEN STICK YOUR FINGERS DOWN YOUR THROAT AND SPEW GREEN BILE ALL OVER THEM.  CHRIST, WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, TELL ‘EM IF THEY DON’T GIVE YOU THEIR LUNCH MONEY EVERY DAY FROM NOW ON YOU”LL SEND A DEMONIC DOG TO EAT THEIR MOTHERS ALIVE!!!!  POINT IS, DO WHATEVER THE F**K YOU HAVE TO DO TO SCARE THE SH*T OUTTA THE LITTLE PR*CKS SO THEY’LL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN!!!    Hope this helps, A Rant

Invisible Guys

Without

Invisible Guys

I could not do

Good

Without a timeless, endless, shapeless, realm where

Invisible guys

Live

I’d have nowhere to go after I

Die

I’m not a murderer because of

Invisible guys

I’m not a child rapist because of

Invisible guys

I’m a better person than you because you

Do not believe in

Invisible guys

So,

Mock me

Insult me

Persecute me

It matters not

I have

My

Invisible guys

To protect me

Guide me

And

Keep me

Safe

What possible reason would anyone have to

Not

Believe in

My

Invisible guys?

 

 

 

 

Divine Righteousness

I’ve been taught since birth that

I am

Special

God

Loves me

He will protect me

And

His

Will is

Righteous

My entire life has been

Based on

This belief

Thus

When my country calls on me to

Kill

Its enemies in

God’s name,

How can I not agree to

Do so?

I’ve been a soldier now for

Five years

Today is the first day that

I’ve had my enemy’s throat beneath my

Blade

He’s

Afraid

I can see the

Terror in his eyes,

But God calls on me to

Kill him.

So I

Slice his throat

Open

His warm blood spills over my hand

And I know,

That even though my stomach wretches at what I’ve done,

Allah loves me because I’ve

Killed an

Infidel

Christian in

His

Name

And

My

Path

To

Paradise

Has

Been

Assured

Allahu Akbar