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Monthly Archives: September 2017
Ask A Rant

Dear Rant, I greatly need your help. I started 1st grade about 2 weeks ago, and I made friends right away. However, a few days ago, my two front teeth fell out causing me to lisp and whistle when I speak. Several kids are now making fun of me because of this, and I really don’t like it. They’re hurting my feelings and my mom’s afraid this will cause me great emotional pain for the rest of my life. What should I do to make them stop? Thanks in advance for your help, Little Suzie Toocute, a 1st grade girl.

Dear Little Suzie Toocute, ARE YOU F**KIN’ KIDDING ME!!??? KIDS ARE PICKING ON YOU AND YOU DON’T LIKE IT??? WHAT THE F**K, KID, GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF AND FIGHT BACK!!! TELL ANY KID WHO’S PICKING ON YOU THAT THEY’RE SATAN SPAWN AND WILL BURN FOREVER IN HELL IF THEY DON’T LEAVE YOU THE F**K ALONE; THEN STICK YOUR FINGERS DOWN YOUR THROAT AND SPEW GREEN BILE ALL OVER THEM. CHRIST, WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, TELL ‘EM IF THEY DON’T GIVE YOU THEIR LUNCH MONEY EVERY DAY FROM NOW ON YOU”LL SEND A DEMONIC DOG TO EAT THEIR MOTHERS ALIVE!!!! POINT IS, DO WHATEVER THE F**K YOU HAVE TO DO TO SCARE THE SH*T OUTTA THE LITTLE PR*CKS SO THEY’LL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN!!! Hope this helps, A Rant
Is Trump Pennywise From It

“I’m Pennywise, the Clown,” says Trump. “Trust me Trump voters, and you’ll float, too. You’ll float, too. You’ll float, too!!
Invisible Guys
Without
Invisible Guys
I could not do
Good
Without a timeless, endless, shapeless, realm where
Invisible guys
Live
I’d have nowhere to go after I
Die
I’m not a murderer because of
Invisible guys
I’m not a child rapist because of
Invisible guys
I’m a better person than you because you
Do not believe in
Invisible guys
So,
Mock me
Insult me
Persecute me
It matters not
I have
My
Invisible guys
To protect me
Guide me
And
Keep me
Safe
What possible reason would anyone have to
Not
Believe in
My
Invisible guys?
Divine Righteousness
I’ve been taught since birth that
I am
Special
God
Loves me
He will protect me
And
His
Will is
Righteous
My entire life has been
Based on
This belief
Thus
When my country calls on me to
Kill
Its enemies in
God’s name,
How can I not agree to
Do so?
I’ve been a soldier now for
Five years
Today is the first day that
I’ve had my enemy’s throat beneath my
Blade
He’s
Afraid
I can see the
Terror in his eyes,
But God calls on me to
Kill him.
So I
Slice his throat
Open
His warm blood spills over my hand
And I know,
That even though my stomach wretches at what I’ve done,
Allah loves me because I’ve
Killed an
Infidel
Christian in
His
Name
And
My
Path
To
Paradise
Has
Been
Assured
Allahu Akbar