Dear Rant, I greatly need your help.  I started 1st grade about 2 weeks ago, and I made friends right away.  However, a few days ago, my two front teeth fell out causing me to lisp and whistle when I speak.  Several kids are now making fun of me because of this, and I really don’t like it.  They’re hurting my feelings and my mom’s afraid this will cause me great emotional pain for the rest of my life. What should I do to make them stop?  Thanks in advance for your help, Little Suzie Toocute, a 1st grade girl.

Dear Little Suzie Toocute,  ARE YOU F**KIN’ KIDDING ME!!???  KIDS ARE PICKING ON YOU AND YOU DON’T LIKE IT???  WHAT THE F**K, KID, GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF AND FIGHT BACK!!!  TELL ANY KID WHO’S PICKING ON YOU THAT THEY’RE SATAN SPAWN AND WILL BURN FOREVER IN HELL IF THEY DON’T LEAVE YOU THE F**K ALONE; THEN STICK YOUR FINGERS DOWN YOUR THROAT AND SPEW GREEN BILE ALL OVER THEM.  CHRIST, WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, TELL ‘EM IF THEY DON’T GIVE YOU THEIR LUNCH MONEY EVERY DAY FROM NOW ON YOU”LL SEND A DEMONIC DOG TO EAT THEIR MOTHERS ALIVE!!!!  POINT IS, DO WHATEVER THE F**K YOU HAVE TO DO TO SCARE THE SH*T OUTTA THE LITTLE PR*CKS SO THEY’LL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN!!!    Hope this helps, A Rant