Corona Virus Turns Trump Into Chinese Man

In shocking news today, President Donald Trump has been transformed into a Chinese man after contacting covid-19. “I woke up and looked in the mirror,” Trump said earlier, “and much to my surprise, I found a Chinese man looking back at me! Obviously, this is a side effect of the ‘Chinese/Kung Fu’ virus I contacted from Joe Biden during our debate several nights ago.  Sleepy Joe is SOOOO afraid of my greatness that he intentionally infected himself with covid-19 right before our debate in order to infect me with it by shouting at me to ‘shut up, man,’ during the event.  In spite of this turn of events, I am still the same man I have always been and will not stop uttering crude, racially insensitive comments every chance I get.  So, please vote for me on Nov. 3rd and help me to make America great again because the current president has driven it deeply into the gutter these past 4 years!”

President Trump Officially Changes Title To Princess Trump

President Trump signed an executive order today officially changing his title from “President” to “Princess”. “Princess is what Vladimir Putin calls me when we are being intimate together in private,” Princess Trump said after signing the order,”and since I love it SO much when he does, as it makes me feel so dainty and feminine, I now insist that EVERYONE call me Princess, rather than President, Trump. In reality, I do behave much more like a spoiled princess than a manly president, so I see no one disagreeing with my decision to do this. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go out and shop for a nice pink nightgown and red bunny slippers so I can wear them when I walk around the White House in the wee small hours of the morning.”

Trump Misses Letter While Reciting Alphabet Claims It Proves He’s A Genius

Trump: The Smartest Person To Have Ever Lived

Brilliant Valley, North Carolina.   President Trump today announced he was asked to recite the alphabet by his family physician to test his cognitive health and only missed one letter.   “Not only did I miss just one letter,” Trump said, “I also recited 18 of the remaining 25 letters in the correct order.   Now, let Joe Biden try to top that, eh?!  My physician told me my performance on this ‘alphabet test’ PROVES my mind is operating at a genius IQ level.  He also told me that the letter I missed, ‘X’, I believe it was, is a stupid letter that only stupid people like Democrats would remember anyway.  And just let Joe Biden try to get 18 letters of the alphabet in the correct order without mixing up a few!  Ha!  He couldn’t get two in row right much less 18!  SAD!!  So, as all who are fair to me and intelligent can see, my mind is operating at peak capacity and I’m clearly the most qualified person to be President.  Period.  End of story.  MAGA!”

Thank Effin’ Jeebus For All The Mothers Out There!

“Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! Thanks SO much for squeezin’ me outta ya! I luvz ya!”

Thanks be to all the magical and non-magical beings out there in the universe for mothers!  Without ’em, the human race would have vanished tens of thousands of years ago because, as a man, I can tell you, there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell men would EVER even consider squeezing football-sized babies outta their privy bits in order to keep the race going!   So, thanks, mothers.  The human race is highly appreciative of ya!  Have a great Mother’s Day, y’all!

More Photos Of Famous People From The Bible And Other Places

Here are some more pics I came by recently of famous and well-known people that I thought my readers might want to see.  Enjoy.

 

1.)

Bernie Sanders, As A Young Man, circa 1867, About To Address A Group Of Young Progressives Fighting For The Right To Bring Their Emotional Support Horses Into Stores With Them When They Shop.

2.)

Moses, On A Trip To Chicago, circa 1989, Attempting To Part Lake Michigan In Order To Show Some Sexy Girls That He Is, Indeed, THE Moses From The Bible.

3.)

The Holy Trinity.  From Left To Right: Yahweh, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit on Spring Break in Washington State, circa 267 AD.

4.)

Mitch McConnell’s Great Uncle, Sid ‘Viscous’ McConnell, circa 1923, Getting Ready To Shoot At Some Black Kids On His Lawn That He Claims Are ‘Liberal Monsters’ Coming To Take Away His Right To Practice Christianity In America!  “You Monster Liberals Better Git!  Or I’m Gonna Pump Yer Asses Fulla Some God-given’ Buck-Shot!  Now, GIT!!”

5.)

Noah, After Stepping Off The Ark For The First Time In Months, Way Back In Old Testament Times. “You Animals Can Go F**k Yourselves! Next Time You Need Your Asses Saved From A Flood, Take Another Ship!  You All Are Some Noisy, Stinky, Loud Mother F**kers! I Ain’t Slept In Months! Now Git Da F**k Off My Ark And Let Me Be!!!”

6.)

Old Republican Man, After Giving Himself Covid19, Saying, “I’ve given myself this virus to demonstrate to other old Republicans how easy it is to ‘take one on the chin’ for the Stock Market and the future of America. “Don’t die fer nuttin’, ya sum’bitches!  Die fer the Stock Market and young Republicans everywhere like the President wants ya too!”

7.)

Yoda, On His First Visit To Earth, circa 1981, Addressing The UN: “Good, Your Food Is Here.  Back To My Galaxy, McDonald’s Burgers, I Will Bring!  Tasty, They Are!”

8.)

Donald Trump and Mike Pence saying, recently, “Nothin’ to worry about with Covid19, folks! Nope! It’s all blown out of proportion, and just a Democratic/liberal hoax! It’ll all be over by Easter! We swear it! (Cough! Cough! Cough!)”

9.)

St. Peter, circa 2004, On A Trip To New York, New York Saying, “These Buildings Are SOOO Tall! They Sure Didn’t Build ‘Em Like This Back In My Day!  Do You All Store Grain In Them Like The Egyptians Did With The Pyramids?”

Photos Of Famous People From The Bible And Other Places

Here are some pics I came by recently of famous and well-known people that I thought my readers might want to see.  Enjoy.

1.)

Bernie Sanders, As A Young Man, circa 1867, About To Address A Group Of Young Progressives Fighting For The Right To Bring Their Emotional Support Horses Into Stores With Them When They Shop.

2.)

Yoda, On His First Visit To Earth, circa 1981, Addressing The UN: “Good, Your Food Is Here.  Back To My Galaxy, McDonald’s Burgers, I Will Bring!  Tasty, They Are!”

3.)

Moses, On A Trip To Chicago, circa 1989, Attempting To Part Lake Michigan In Order To Show Some Sexy Girls That He Is, Indeed, THE Moses From The Bible.

4.)

The Holy Trinity.  From Left To Right: Yahweh, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit on Spring Break in Washington State, circa 267 AD.

5.)

Old Republican Man, After Giving Himself Covid19, Saying, “I’ve given myself this virus to demonstrate to other old Republicans how easy it is to ‘take one on the chin’ for the Stock Market and the future of America. “Don’t die fer nuttin’, ya sum’bitches!  Die fer the Stock Market and young Republicans everywhere like the President wants ya too!”

6.)

Donald Trump and Mike Pence saying, recently, “Nothin’ to worry about with Covid19, folks! Nope! It’s all blown out of proportion, and just a Democratic/liberal hoax! It’ll all be over by Easter! We swear it! (Cough! Cough! Cough!)”

7.)

St. Peter, circa 2004, On A Trip To New York, New York Saying, “These Buildings Are SOOO Tall! They Sure Didn’t Build ‘Em Like This Back In My Day!  Do You All Store Grain In Them Like The Egyptians Did With The Pyramids?”

8.)

Noah, After Stepping Off The Ark For The First Time In Months, Way Back In Old Testament Times. “You Animals Can Go F**k Yourselves! Next Time You Need Your Asses Saved From A Flood, Take Another Ship!  You All Are Some Noisy, Stinky, Loud Mother F**kers! I Ain’t Slept In Months! Now Git Da F**k Off My Ark And Let Me Be!!!”

9.)

Mitch McConnell’s Great Uncle, Sid ‘Viscous’ McConnell, circa 1923, Getting Ready To Shoot At Some Black Kids On His Lawn That He Claims Are ‘Liberal Monsters’ Coming To Take Away His Right To Practice Christianity In America!  “You Monster Liberals Better Git!  Or I’m Gonna Pump Yer Asses Fulla Some God-given’ Buck-Shot!  Now, GIT!!”

The Arm Chair Pontificator

Check out these vintage pics of people from the Bible that Moses dropped off at my office this morning.  He says he found them in an old sock drawer yesterday and wanted to share them. Give ’em a look; I think you’ll like ’em.

Virgin Mary's Facebook Picture, circa 1929 Virgin Mary’s Facebook Picture, circa 1929

Baby Lucifer Down Wind Of Baby Jesus Baby Lucifer, Up Wind Of Baby Jesus

Joseph, Baby Jesus, And Mary In New York, circa 1927 Joseph, Baby Jesus, And Mary In New York, circa 1927

Mary Madelene: "Like What You See, Jesus?" Mary Magdalene: “Like What You See, Jesus?”

God's First Wife, Rosalind, Teaching Baby Angel Gabriel How To Blow His Horn God’s First Wife, Rosalind, Teaching A Baby Angel Gabriel How To Blow His Horn

Baby Moses In His Basket Seconds After Being Found. Baby Moses, In His Basket, Seconds After Being Found in The Nile.

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