Tag Archives: Mitch McConnell

12.31.23
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Happy New Year! Look What We Have In Store For You This Year

     As a grand way to start out this spanking new year, we here at The Arm Chair Pontificator would like to fill you in on some of the upcoming films our multi-billion dollar production company, We Film ‘Em, You Watch ‘Em, has coming out.  On February 15th, we have a delightful remake of Charlie’s Angels called, Donald’s Demons coming out.  The movie stars Marjorie Taylor Green, Lauren Boebert, and Lindsey Graham as three uppity FBI ladies who take orders from their boss, a guy calling himself only “Donald” who speaks to them only via a speaker phone in FBI headquarters.  Hilarity ensues as the three uppity ladies are asked to hunt down and destroy any and all “woke” activity they see poisoning the waters of America.  Be sure not to miss it.

   Next we have a little film we call Ron DeSantis vs The Florida Democratic Swamp Monster which comes out in June this year.  This film stars Sean Penn as Governor DeSantis and Barrack Obama as the evil, twisted Florida swamp creature that is destroying Christian and GOP children all throughout Florida  by giving them books to read that may or may not have been written by gay authors.  This one is a massive special effects bonanza so be sure and put it on your calendar. 

  And lastly, for now at least, we have a little horror film coming out in October called, An American Woke Liberal in Kentucky.   This film stars Senator Mitch McConnell as a Catholic exorcist who’s been sent by the Pope to Louisville, Kentucky because of rumors a trans woman is living there who’s been trying to get the state to turn blue.  “This type of activity MUST be exorcised from the state before it ruins it!” McConnell cries as the film begins.  This one’s gonna win an Academy Award, methinks!  So buckle up for fun at the movies this year folks.  And be sure to check back here to find out about more films coming later this year from The Arm Chair Pontificator and We Film ‘Em, You Watch ‘Em productions!

11.24.20
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Photo Taken Of Mitch McConnell Just After Licking Trump’s Anus For The 940th Time

“My God,” shouts Mitch McConnell, after licking Trump’s anus for the 940th time, “that’s THE most delicious thing I’ve EVER tasted! Gimme excess of it!”

09.29.19
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Democrats Ask China For Help In Winning 2020 Elections

“We’re Not Going To Do Anything They Haven’t Been Doing For Years,” Nancy Pelosi Said Today

Quid Pro Quo City, Ukraine.    In a shocking statement this morning Nancy Pelosi, the Democratic Speaker of the House of Representatives, announced her plan to ask China to help Democrats win in 2020.  “I mean, why the hell not,” said Speaker Pelosi. “President Trump and the GOP have been doing things like this for years.  Hell, I doubt they could’ve won ANY election in the past 20 years without outside help.  So, I figure, it’s about time we did the same thing to help keep the political playing field level.  I was just on the phone with Chinese President, Xi Jinping, and promised him that if he can get us dirt on, and nude photos of, Donald Trump and Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, we would gladly lift all tariffs on Chinese goods when we take over the Federal Government in 2021.  He was more than happy to oblige me and even said, ‘What took you so long to call?  We’ve been eager to help you guys cheat to catch up with the GOP for years now!  Hee Haw! Time to kick some Republican ass!’  Needless to say, we Democrats are thrilled with this development and hope to use Chinese help to seriously bend the 2020 elections in our favor.  Well, until then, God bless America.  God bless Democracy, and God bless free, open, and fair elections.”

 

 

08.12.18
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Donald Trump, Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell To Form New Boy Band

New Boy Band: The Treasonous Three

QAnon Village, Ohio.     Donald Trump, Paul Ryan, and Mitch McConnell announced today they are forming a new boy band called The Treasonous Three.   “Let me tell you something,” President Trump said earlier, “Mitch, Paul, and I can harmonize like angels singing to Jesus when we belt out tunes.  We noticed how wonderful we sound together at Vladimir Putin’s birthday party a few months back while we were sing, For He’s A Jolly Good Comrade to him.    We sounded so dulcet and sweet we literally brought tears to Vlad’s eyes.   Right then and there, President Putin decided we should form a boy band called The Treasonous Three, and he committed to being our manager.  He’s already been managing our political policies for years, so, we thought, why the hell not this, too.  We will be touring Russia and Ukraine in September, and then we’ll come home to tour America just in time for the November midterms, elections that President Putin has ensured us will most definitely go our way.  So, be sure to watch for the time and date we’ll be in your home town, so you can enjoy the lovely harmonies of The Treasonous Three up close and personal.    You most certainly don’t want to miss it while a treasonous trio is singing right in your own city.   See you soon.  And, until then, remember, if it sounds and looks just like something you really, really want to be true, it is.”