Inerrant Rantings Of An Entirely Sane Pontificator

Here are two recent, perfectly inerrant, logical, and anger free rants I recently had in response to comments from Trump supporters and religious nutters on another blog.   I’m hoping these finally get the Nobel Committee to give me my friggin’ Nobel Prize.

1.)  As a flat earth creationist, I must say, I LOVE Trump. Since his election the world has become younger and flatter almost by the hour. Thanks to one of the most devout Christians to ever hold the title of President, the love of the Lord Jesus Christ has embraced America, and soon we’ll have what I’ve always wanted: a fully functioning Christian theocracy where any and all who do not properly worship Our True Lord, Jesus Christ, will be physically put on a boat and shipped to the Middle East where they belong.  I’m personally writing Trump’s mentor, Vladimir Putin, a long letter thanking him for helping Trump make America great again, just like it was in 1952 when Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ was President. Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the Mexican border to use my body as a human shield to keep Mexicans out of my country until Trump gets Mexico to pay for the border wall to end all border walls.  It’s the only way to keep America truly safe from Hispanic rapists and hoodlums.  $Amen$

2.)  Open borders are the best. Christ, I say build a friggin’ cement highway across the Atlantic to Europe and let EVERY Mooslim there drive on over in horse-drawn carriages.  We need ’em fer target practice, the thievin’ buggers.
Taxes?  Who needs the Dems for that, the rat, snowflake bums.  Christ, the omnibus bill the Republicans/Russians just passed and Putin’s lil puppet, President Donny Bone-Spurs, just signed, jacked up our deficit by what,1.8 trillion or so? I mean COME ON, that’s got Libtard/Democrat written ALL over it.  But I’m bettin’ Draft Dodge Don and his Russian/Republicans can do better than that!  Why not put 8 or 9 trillion more onto that spending bill and give a 95% tax cut to the rich to jack the debt up another 6 or 7 trillion?  It’ll make ya feel all warm ‘n Democrat-like inside.  It will me at least

The GOP, Ya’ Gotta Love ‘Em!

And hell, we actually need to beg more people to cross our borders.  Man, just last night, I shot and killed 56 German and Polish illegals who were trying to kick in my front door.  A-holes wanted food or some such crap.  Can you believe that?  As well, I’ve been attacked by, like, I don’t know, 89 Mexican and Italian illegals in the last month alone.  They said, in really broken English, mind you, that they wanted to grab some pussy like lil Donny does and wanted me to show ’em how. ‘Course, I shot ‘n killed the bastards.  Ain’t no friggin’ illegal som’bitch gonna talk to me about pussy-grabbin’.  That’s for American Presidents alone to do.  Ha! I sure showed them.  So, let ’em keep on comin’ over.  I like shootin’ ’em.  Makes me almost as happy as kickin’ Dems in their privates.  Almost, but not quite.  BANG!  Gotcha, ya’ friggin’ illegal bastard, ya’.

 

May the love of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the ONE TRUE GOD, be with everyone out there.  May His Holy Arms wrap over you and bring you freedom from Republican omnibus bills, pussy-grabbers, traitorous political parties in line with Russian oligarchs, and deficit raisin’ conservatives who’ve lately made even the wildest, leftist Democrats look like Ronald Reagan. $Amen$

Advertisements

It’s Time For The Adults To Take America Back From The Children

The Proper Place For Trump And His Supporters

Enough.  I’ve had enough of Trump and the fools who put him in office.   Let me define “fool” in this instance for you.  Fool:  Anyone who did not vote, voted for Trump, or voted for an “alternate” candidate in the 2016 Presidential election.  It is YOUR fault this happened.  Period.   And understand this: I’m NOT a huge Hillary supporter, but if she had won, millions would not have just lost their health insurance due to a presidential order.  We’d not be tempting Kim Jong-un to nuke us, and we wouldn’t have just antagonized Iran to the point that they’ll soon be able to nuke us.  As well, if you are a poor, struggling, workin’ class white dude, like I am, and voted for Trump because, “By golly, we really gotta shake things up in Washington, and Trump’s just the straight shooter to do it,” one of three things, or a combo of the three, must be true.  1.)  You’re suffering from a severe cognitive impairment that makes common sense reasoning not possible for you.  2.)  You’re a bigot who feels a sense of entitlement to ‘Murica based entirely on your race.   3.)  You’re a flat-out bad person who’s vindictive, hateful, and mean by nature.

The time of coddling the poor, misunderstood Trump voter needs to end.  Children, at some point, need to be told, “No.  We can not allow you to continue to play with gasoline, tinder, and matches because it’s dangerous and you’re hurting many, many innocent people.”  We are on the verge of a nuclear war because the grown ups in America continue to let a mentally challenged bully run the White House.  Far too many of us, liberals and conservatives alike, are afraid to ruffle the tender feathers of the hyper-sensitive snowflakes who support the hate, rage, and ignorance that radiate from Trump like beams of light from a star gone super nova.  There are schools for children with special needs where the Trump supporters, and Trump, should be put.   It’s time for that to happen, at least on the metaphoric level.    Of course, it most likely never will happen because the GOP owns the keys to said school and they’re not giving them up for fear they’ll be locked up in it, too.

I’m disgusted by my country, by many of the citizens in it, and by the pain and suffering Trump is causing to me and to so many others.   Trump and his supporters are children-petulant, angry, spiteful children who want nothing more than to wreak havoc and enact vengeance on all they consider to be their enemy.   I do not care about “fixing” them or listening to their sad stories about being forgotten and left behind by a society that’s moved beyond their limited capacity for reason and empathy.   Not anymore.  That time is long past.  I just want to stop them; put them somewhere where they can hurt only each other and not the rest of civilization.   How to do this without breaking laws and winding up in prison myself is what perplexes me nowadays.   I don’t know.  But I do know I’ve had enough.  As the rapper Eminem recently said in one of his raps, “I’m drawing a line in the sand and you’re either on my side or you’re on his.”  I’m on Eminem’s side, and I don’t even like rap.

All I have available to me right now to fight back against the vile sickness that is Trumpism are words.  All I can do is vent, so I’m gonna.  Fuck you, Trump!  Fuck you Trump voters and supporters!  And to the apathetic, lazy fucks, I’m looking at you Millennials, who think voting and being involved in how this country is run is simply not important to you, that it doesn’t affect you, FUCK YOU!  And please, please refrain from breeding because the last fucking thing the world needs is more of you fucking lazy idiots.   $Amen$

10 Quotes From Albert, The Alt-Right Internet Troll

Albert, The Alt-Right Internet Troll

1.)  A new study shows that one in three liberals are just as stupid as the other two.

2.) Only a f$$kin’ cuck would say Trump isn’t awesome.  So if you don’t like Trump, you’re a cuck.  (Now could someone please explain to me what a “cuck” is?)

3.) Obama is a shape-shifting lizard alien who’s come here to team up with Hitlerly Clinton to destroy ‘Merica!  He’s a cuck, too, and she had email issues.  The crook.

4.) F$$ckin’ snowflake, cuck, liberal, mother f$$kers are a f$$kin’ plague and should all be killed with big guns so ‘Merica can be safe again for Jesus-lovin’ Christians like me.  I’m SICK of being persecuted by cucks!

5.) SJW’s are attacking true ‘Mericans like me every second of every day.  They hound us; they call us mean names, and they refuse to let us express our opinions openly.  They’re all a bunch of cucks, fags, snowflakes, and c$nts.  Oh, and they suck.

6.) Trump has already made ‘Merica great again by giving everyone good health care and by making the coal industry boom again.  I know this isn’t fake news because Trump said it’s true.

7.) Mexicans are all rapists and here illegally.  They also have brown skin.  Real ‘Mericans are white.  This is a fact.  Deal with it you f$$kin’, cuck, liberal, snow-flake, hate-filled, mother-f$$ckin’ liberals.

8.) Obama is planning to take over ‘Merica with an army of wire-tapping, liberals, sissies, women and fags.   There is SO much evidence for this that it’s sickening.  The liberal, Jewish media is covering this up.   I f$$kin’ HATE the liberal, Jewish media.  They’re SO rude and insulting to decent people like me.

9.) You know what’s scary?  Right now trillions of ISIS members are pouring into ‘Merica cause some stupid, f$$kin’ judge blocked Trump’s Muslim ban.  Millions of innocent children are killed every f$$kin’ day ’cause of this.  Millions.  Most of the children in Ohio were killed last night by Muslim terrorists.  And has the liberal media reported on this?  No.  You all must get your real news from people like me, anonymous, right-wing, internet trolls.  What the f$$k does that tell you ’bout that state of ‘Merica?

10.) F$$k!  My moms comin’.  I gotta go or my ass is grass.  I was grounded from using the internet indefinitely last week for lookin’ at online porn.   F$$k off now, you snowflake, cuck, liberal faggots!

 

 

Trump Declares Water Not Wet Supporters Agree

Water Not Wet Says Trump

Water Not Wet, Says Trump

Trump Tower, Camelot.   Donald Trump today announced that water isn’t wet, and his supporters universally agree.  “Of course water isn’t wet,” said Trump supporter, Benjamin “Bigly” Wallbuilder.   “President Trump is like a smart person.  He’s obviously figured out that water supposedly being wet is nothing more than a media conspiracy meant to make him look bad.  Well, media big-wigs, you’ve been found out and called out.  Who’s laughing now, huh?  Who?!  You fools should be forced out of the country and made to live in the ocean.  You’d see then just how “un-wet” water truly is.  You’re liars and haters.  Get a life, why don’t ya’!  Water’s wet?  Ha!  What are you damned lying fools going to say next, the sun’s hot?  Idiots.  Total idiots, I tellz ya’.”

Sometimes

sometimes-saidaonline

1.) Sometimes, when I dance naked in my apartment and feel like the hottest man alive, I see myself in a mirror and understand there’s absolutely no truth to that thought.

2.) Sometimes, when I want to open a worm hole to suck in all the alt-right assholes who voted for Trump, and realize I can’t, I cry, very, very hard.

3.) Sometimes, when I want to stop the government from placing bugging devices in my apartment to infiltrate the intricate network of anti-government spying activity I control, I realize I do not control any such activity, and I cry, very, very hard.

4.) Sometimes, when I realize I haven’t written a post in over a week, and I write the first glop of stupid shit that pops into my head, I cry, very, very hard.

5.) Sometimes, I wish I could be a fascist dictator who could build walls around alt-right idiots who love racism, misogyny, and homophobia, but then I realize I can’t, so I cry, very, very hard.

6.) Sometimes when I get down over stupid shit that happens, like the Trump election, I tell myself, “It’ll all be fine.”  But then I realize it won’t, and I cry, very, very hard.

7.)  Sometimes I think our environment will be saved and continue to support human life, but then I realize, Trump’s gonna eliminate the EPA, and I cry, very, very hard.

8.) Sometimes I think I won’t lose my medical insurance because of the Trump win, but then I realize I will, and I cry, very, very hard.

9.) Sometimes I think working class white males aren’t so stupid as to vote into office a President who will do all he can to fuck them over, but then I realize I’m wrong, and I cry, very, very hard.

10.) Sometimes, when I realize I want to have a tenth thing to say but don’t, I cry, very, very hard.