My good pal, John Zande, whose blog The Superstitious Naked Ape is a must read for all sensible humans, once mentioned to me, “Conservatives are awful at humor but great at conspiracies.” Nowhere is this more apparent than in the Alex Jones video below. Jones is an Alt-Right conspiracy lunatic who is the craziest son of bitch I’ve ever seen. I laughed so hard watching this video I didn’t pee a little, I peed a lot. It isn’t meant to be funny, but, goddamnit, it is. Check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8TyLGoiUwg
Here are a few amazing facts about a variety of shit most know nothing about.
1.) The original members of The Lollipop Guild from The Wizard of Oz were killed execution style by a masked flying monkey during the McCarthy era because they were believed to be members of the Communist Party.
2.) Henry Ford invented an invisible car but forgot where he parked it one night and was never again able to find it.
3.) The Illuminati have hired Oprah Winfrey to be the Antichrist’s publicist when he arrives.
4.) Stymie, from The Little Rascals, is actually Barrack Obama’s grandfather. The President often wears Stymie’s old derby when alone at night in the White House.
5.) Barney Rubble, of the Flintstones, is currently serving 10 years in San Quinton for beating the hell out of Fred after he found out he (Fred) and Wilma had been having threesomes behind his back for years with Betty.
That’s all for now. Say goodnight, Gracie. “Goodnight Gracie”.
A tearful Barrack Obama reported this morning that a drone he dispatched last night to bomb a terrorist training facility in Montreal, Canada mistakenly bombed George W. Bush in Texas instead. “I feel just horrible about this,” a distraught President Obama said. “We knew something was odd when the drone reported its payload had been delivered just three minutes after it left the Texas Air Force base it launched from. All we can determine so far is that one or more of the drone’s programmers must have heard me bitching the other day that I wished all conservative assholes like Bush could be eliminated and thought I really meant it. I promise we will continue to look into this matter until we find all those responsible for it. I also apologize to President Bush’s family for this terrible inconvenience. Lastly, I wish to alleviate the worries Governor Perry expressed to me just minutes ago by firmly stating no drone will ever bomb anyone or anything in Texas again as long as I’m president.”
Russian President Vladimir Putin said today, while holding back tears, that President Obama called him a putz and a sissy for releasing a statement, addressed to the American people, which was very critical of American policies in the Middle East and on Syria in particular. “I can understand President Obama being angry with me,” Mr. Putin said, “but he did not have to call me in the middle of the night just to call me a putz and a sissy. Name calling is very immature and cruel. It leaves deep psychological scars on its victims. It may not be obvious to everyone, but I’m a very sensitive person, and when people shout at me and call me names, well, it hurts. I’ve been in tears since getting off the phone. I demand that President Obama call me back and apologize. If he doesn’t, well, that will just be one less Christmas card I’ll be sending out next year then, won’t it?!”