Happy New Year! Look What We Have In Store For You This Year

     As a grand way to start out this spanking new year, we here at The Arm Chair Pontificator would like to fill you in on some of the upcoming films our multi-billion dollar production company, We Film ‘Em, You Watch ‘Em, has coming out.  On February 15th, we have a delightful remake of Charlie’s Angels called, Donald’s Demons coming out.  The movie stars Marjorie Taylor Green, Lauren Boebert, and Lindsey Graham as three uppity FBI ladies who take orders from their boss, a guy calling himself only “Donald” who speaks to them only via a speaker phone in FBI headquarters.  Hilarity ensues as the three uppity ladies are asked to hunt down and destroy any and all “woke” activity they see poisoning the waters of America.  Be sure not to miss it.

   Next we have a little film we call Ron DeSantis vs The Florida Democratic Swamp Monster which comes out in June this year.  This film stars Sean Penn as Governor DeSantis and Barrack Obama as the evil, twisted Florida swamp creature that is destroying Christian and GOP children all throughout Florida  by giving them books to read that may or may not have been written by gay authors.  This one is a massive special effects bonanza so be sure and put it on your calendar. 

  And lastly, for now at least, we have a little horror film coming out in October called, An American Woke Liberal in Kentucky.   This film stars Senator Mitch McConnell as a Catholic exorcist who’s been sent by the Pope to Louisville, Kentucky because of rumors a trans woman is living there who’s been trying to get the state to turn blue.  “This type of activity MUST be exorcised from the state before it ruins it!” McConnell cries as the film begins.  This one’s gonna win an Academy Award, methinks!  So buckle up for fun at the movies this year folks.  And be sure to check back here to find out about more films coming later this year from The Arm Chair Pontificator and We Film ‘Em, You Watch ‘Em productions!

Alex Jones’ Craziest Video Yet

My good pal, John Zande, whose blog The Superstitious Naked Ape  is a must read for all sensible humans, once mentioned to me, “Conservatives are awful at humor but great at conspiracies.”  Nowhere is this more apparent than in the Alex Jones video below.  Jones is an Alt-Right conspiracy lunatic who is the craziest son of bitch I’ve ever seen.  I laughed so hard watching this video I didn’t pee a little, I peed a lot.  It isn’t meant to be funny, but, goddamnit, it is.  Check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8TyLGoiUwg

Random And Astounding Superfluous Facts

Here are a few amazing facts about a variety of shit most know nothing about.

1.) The original members of The Lollipop Guild from The Wizard of Oz were killed execution style by a masked flying monkey during the McCarthy era because they were believed to be members of the Communist Party.

Lollipop Guild Members Moments Before Their Execution

Lollipop Guild Members Moments Before Their Execution

2.) Henry Ford invented an invisible car but forgot where he parked it one night and was never again able to find it.

Only Surviving Photo Of Henry Ford's Lost Invisible Car

Only Surviving Photo Of Henry Ford’s Invisible Car

3.) The Illuminati have hired Oprah Winfrey to be the Antichrist’s publicist when he arrives.

Soon To Be Anti-Christ Publicist, Oprah

Soon To Be Publicist For The Antichrist

4.) Stymie, from The Little Rascals, is actually Barrack Obama’s grandfather. The President often wears Stymie’s old derby when alone at night in the White House.

Stymie Obama, The President's Grandfather

Stymie Obama, The President’s Grandfather

5.) Barney Rubble, of the Flintstones, is currently serving 10 years in San Quinton for beating the hell out of Fred after he found out he (Fred) and Wilma had been having threesomes behind his back for years with Betty.

Currently Doing 10 Years In San Quintin

Currently Doing 10 Years In San Quintin

That’s all for now. Say goodnight, Gracie. “Goodnight Gracie”.

 

 

 

Drone Accidently Bombs George W. Bush

Obama Crying Over Drone Bombing Of Bush

I’m So Sorry, George

A tearful Barrack Obama reported this morning that a drone he dispatched last night to bomb a terrorist training facility in Montreal, Canada mistakenly bombed George W. Bush in Texas instead. “I feel just horrible about this,” a distraught President Obama said. “We knew something was odd when the drone reported its payload had been delivered just three minutes after it left the Texas Air Force base it launched from. All we can determine so far is that one or more of the drone’s programmers must have heard me bitching the other day that I wished all conservative assholes like Bush could be eliminated and thought I really meant it. I promise we will continue to look into this matter until we find all those responsible for it. I also apologize to President Bush’s family for this terrible inconvenience. Lastly, I wish to alleviate the worries Governor Perry expressed to me just minutes ago by firmly stating no drone will ever bomb anyone or anything in Texas again as long as I’m president.”

Obama Calls Putin A Putz, Putin Demands Apology.

Russian President Vladimir Putin said today, while holding back tears, that President Obama called him a putz and a sissy for releasing a statement, addressed to the American people, which was very critical of American policies in the Middle East and on Syria in particular. “I can understand President Obama being angry with me,” Mr. Putin said, “but he did not have to call me in the middle of the night just to call me a putz and a sissy. Name calling is very immature and cruel. It leaves deep psychological scars on its victims. It may not be obvious to everyone, but I’m a very sensitive person, and when people shout at me and call me names, well, it hurts. I’ve been in tears since getting off the phone. I demand that President Obama call me back and apologize. If he doesn’t, well, that will just be one less Christmas card I’ll be sending out next year then, won’t it?!”

Hurt Putin Wants Apology

Hurt Putin Wants Apology

Obama: "You've Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me?!"

Obama: “You’ve Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me?!”