A Few Naked Pictures

I think those folks are staring at us ’cause we’re naked. Bark at ’em or somethin’ and maybe they’ll go away.

 

Are you sure this is how the French do it?

 

Listen, I’m just too tired to put anything on right now, so you’ll just have to deal with it.

 

Yeah, I thought this was a nude beach, and it isn’t.  So sue me!

 

Say, Sailor, why don’t ya’ come up and see me sometime.

 

Maybe if I stand here really, really still, no one will notice I’m not wearing anything.

 

Well, I’m doing what you told me to do, but I still think we’re doing this wrong.

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A Monkey Reacts To Trump’s Inauguration

You HAVE got to be fuckin' kiddin' me!

You have GOT to be fuckin’ kiddin’ me!  What in the name of the Great Ape in the sky is wrong with these crazy-ass humans?

American Goldfish Wins Gold At Rio Olympics

Gold Medal Winner, Gerry Scales

Gold Medal Winner, Gerry Scales

Rio, Not An American City.    For the first time since Gold Fish Racing was introduced to the Summer Olympics in 1978, an American goldfish has won the gold.   “I’ve been practicing since I was no bigger than a guppy to be the fastest swimming goldfish in the world, and now, that dream has finally become reality for me,” said Gold Medal winner, Gerry “Wet” Scales.   “I’d like to thank my moms and pops for all their support over the years.  They taught me that with perseverance and a diet of fresh blood worms, anything is possible.  I’ve never been prouder to be a goldfish and an American.  This is just so AWESOME!  As soon as I get home, I’m taking my girlfriend to Disney Land to celebrate.”

 

My Dog Is Addicted To Rabbits

My Dog's Idea Of Heaven

My Dog’s Idea Of Heaven

My dog is addicted to rabbits.  Every time we go for a walk, I come home with a sore arm from having her pull me as she searches for, finds, and tries to chase after rabbits.   She looks under bushes, behind iron fences, and in flower beds in her continual quest to find and chase rabbits.  I don’t know what she’d do if she caught one, probably pass out from the pure joy of the experience, but she’s a very kind and playful pup and I doubt she’d intentionally try to kill it.   I tell you, my dog is the greatest thing in my life.   What a joyful, happy friend she is to me, far better than most of the people I know.   I’d truly be lost without her.

Man Quits Job As Cat Juggler After Being Scratched

Ned Kneeler Plying His Former Trade

Ned Kneeler Plying His Former Trade

Meow Mix Central, South Dakota.   A professional cat juggler today, Ned Kneeler, quite his job after being scratched on the arm whilst twirling 3 cats in the air simultaneously.   “It REALLY hurt,” Mr. Kneeler said earlier.  “I reached out to take hold of one of the cats, and it scratched my arm.   The pain was so severe, as was the shock of what had just happened to me, that I almost dropped the three cats I was juggling on the ground.  I didn’t, and they’re all safe, but I’m done juggling cats for a living.   I’ve been doing it ever since I learned how from a traveling gypsy woman almost 30 years ago.   If I’d had known then what I do now, that cats don’t like to be juggled and can scratch you while you’re doing it, I’d have found a different way to make my living.  I’m out of the cat juggling business as of today.  Luckily, I still have a thriving infant juggling business to keep me afloat until I find something else to do.  I wonder if puppy juggling might not be safer?”

10 Month Old Stunned To Learn He’s Only 9 Months Old

10 Month Old Boy, Little Timmy Tonka, Is Shocked To Learn He's Only 9 Months Old

10 Month Old, Timmy Taun-Taun, Learns He’s Only 9 Months Old

Zygote Valley, North Carolina.    A 10 month old boy today, Little Timmy Taun-Taun, was shocked to discover he’s actually only 9 months old.  “My mom screwed up,” Little Timmy said whilst having his diaper changed.  “She has a form of dyslexia that causes her to confuse one month with another.  So, though my mom thought I was born on September 9th of 2015, it was actually October 9th of 2015 when I was born.   She figured this out when she more carefully looked over my birth certificate, something she probably should have done much sooner given her condition.  Any way, she apologized to me for the mistake, and I’ve forgiven her.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my bottle.”

Selfies From The Invisible Man

The Invisible Man stopped by our Tokyo office the other day with a few selfies he wanted us to show to our readers.  Here they are for your perusal.

1.)

Here's me at the beach last summer.

Here’s me, The Invisible Man, at the beach last summer.

 

2.)

Here I am hiking through the woods in Wisconsin in the fall of 2014

And here I am hiking through the woods in Wisconsin in the fall of 2014

 

3.)

Me on the street in front of my house during the first snowfall of 2015

Me on the street in front of my house during the first snowfall of 2015

 

4.)

Me and Mickey at Disneyland

And, lastly, here I am with Mickey’s arm around me at Disneyland in the Spring of 2013