Amazing City, Alabama. In stunning news today a chicken, owned by a farmer named Henry Yankmeoff, laid a duck, and not a chicken egg. “This is just shocking,” said Farmer Yankmeoff. Neither I, nor my chicken, have a bloody clue as to how such a miraculous thing could have happened, but this morning, at about 5AM, my chicken laid a duck’s egg. “This is truly miraculous.” When Farmer Yankmeoff was asked how he and his chicken knew that it was a duck egg and not a chicken egg that was laid, Farmer Yankmeoff replied,”Because the egg was laid quacked you silly goose!”
Rio, Not An American City. For the first time since Gold Fish Racing was introduced to the Summer Olympics in 1978, an American goldfish has won the gold. “I’ve been practicing since I was no bigger than a guppy to be the fastest swimming goldfish in the world, and now, that dream has finally become reality for me,” said Gold Medal winner, Gerry “Wet” Scales. “I’d like to thank my moms and pops for all their support over the years. They taught me that with perseverance and a diet of fresh blood worms, anything is possible. I’ve never been prouder to be a goldfish and an American. This is just so AWESOME! As soon as I get home, I’m taking my girlfriend to Disney Land to celebrate.”
My dog is addicted to rabbits. Every time we go for a walk, I come home with a sore arm from having her pull me as she searches for, finds, and tries to chase after rabbits. She looks under bushes, behind iron fences, and in flower beds in her continual quest to find and chase rabbits. I don’t know what she’d do if she caught one, probably pass out from the pure joy of the experience, but she’s a very kind and playful pup and I doubt she’d intentionally try to kill it. I tell you, my dog is the greatest thing in my life. What a joyful, happy friend she is to me, far better than most of the people I know. I’d truly be lost without her.