Man Town, Ohio. President Trump today signed a Presidential order placing Vice President Mike Pence in charge of the reproductive organs of every woman in America. “Mikey’s a fuckin’ stud,” Trump said earlier. “He knows his pussies from his boobies, and his hands are always warm and ready for action. As well, he’s a loving Christian who understands the nature of female reproduction far more than any gynecologist ever could. What better doctor for women could there be than a decrepit, white, Christian male who takes The Book Of Genesis literally? I say none. Therefor, from this day forward, if Mike Pence says women who’ve had abortions are the spawn of Satan and must die, they will die (Probably by being burned alive. I’ve not yet made up my mind on it). Also, any woman who does not send a picture of her vagina and uterus to Vice President Pence immediately for a close examination will be summarily put to death by stoning (I like stoning. It’s both torture AND an execution method). America can never be great again as long as women have control of their own sex organs. So say I, President Donald J. Trump, Putin’s Orange Puppet.”
The following MRI of the inside of Trump’s skull is 100% real and comes to us via secret spies working inside the Trump Administration. Enjoy.
It’s about fucking time. We, progressives, liberals, Democrats, and all normal human beings, need to fight, resist, and obstruct Trump and his Putin-loving Republican cronies at every single turn. They’re anti-American, traitorous dogs. Fuck ’em all.
Oh, my love!
How my heart does
Whenever I smell the
Yours is the
Biglyest, kindlyest, huuggeesst
That ever has lived ever
You have my undying
Thank you my
For making me into the
I’ve now become
Body, mind, and soul
Today, tomorrow, and
A Russian dossier containing incriminating information on Donald Trump has recently surfaced. It’s existence poses a very important question: “Has Russia been blackmailing Donald Trump to do its bidding?” Well, the readers of this blog will be glad to learn, we here at The Arm Chair Pontificator have been given access to this dossier. A few interesting tidbits of information from it are presented below. Enjoy.
1.) 12/13/2011. The Donald and Vladimir make love in President Putin’s Winnebago. The act is filmed by Russian porno director, and former KGB agent, Gustav Bigdickski. Bigdickski said of the experience: “It was like filming vanilla ice cream melt all over orange sherbet.” Vladimir is rumored to be keeping the video of this event under his mattress in Moscow.
2.) 03/06/2015. The Donald comes to Moscow and declares his undying love to President Putin. Ingrid Grabpussinstein, one of Vladimir’s chamber maids, heard Trump promise Putin this: “Vlady, if you help me win the 2016 Presidential election in my country, I promise you, you’ll not only have unlimited access to my mangina, you’ll have America at your beck and call to do whatever you wish with it.”
3.) 12/25/2016. The Donald visits several of his mistresses in a bathroom in Trump Tower in order to pee on them. One of these mistresses, Beverly Idoitfordacash, overheard a call Trump placed to Vladimir Putin. Here’s what she heard: “Listen, Vlady, I put Exxon Oil CEO, Rex Tillerson on my cabinet, just like I promised you I would. He’ll do whatever you want him to. Now, can I please come over to your house so we can do the ‘nasty’ to celebrate the holidays?”
*Stay tuned. More secrets from the dossier to be revealed later.
Meryl Streep, without mentioning his name, called out Donald Trump for being a bully who picks on disabled people at the Golden Globe Awards this past weekend.
Trump supporters, of course, were quick to respond in their usual fashion.
Trump had this to say on the matter.
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