A Few Things Trump Has Recently Acquired

1.)

Paul Ryan's Spine

Paul Ryan’s Spine

 

2.)

Kellyanne Conway's Soul

Kellyanne Conway’s Soul

 

3.)

Sean Spicer's Underwear

Sean Spicer’s Underwear

 

4.)

A Glass Of Vladimir Putin's Semen

Glass Of Vladimir Putin’s Semen

 

5.)

Chris Christie's Balls

Chris Christie’s Balls

Trump Puts Pence In Charge Of Women’s Reproductive Organs

Let Me Feel Your Womb, Honey. It's My Job.

Let Me Feel Your Womb, Honey. It’s My Job.

Man Town, Ohio.  President Trump today signed a Presidential order placing Vice President Mike Pence in charge of the reproductive organs of every woman in America.  “Mikey’s a fuckin’ stud,” Trump said earlier.  “He knows his pussies from his boobies, and his hands are always warm and ready for action.  As well, he’s a loving Christian who understands the nature of female reproduction far more than any gynecologist ever could.  What better doctor for women could there be than a decrepit, white, Christian male who takes The Book Of Genesis literally?  I say none.  Therefor, from this day forward, if Mike Pence says women who’ve had abortions are the spawn of Satan and must die, they will die (Probably by being burned alive.  I’ve not yet made up my mind on it).   Also, any woman who does not send a picture of her vagina and uterus to Vice President Pence immediately for a close examination will be summarily put to death by stoning (I like stoning.  It’s both torture AND an execution method).   America can never be great again as long as women have control of their own sex organs.  So say I, President Donald J. Trump, Putin’s Orange Puppet.”

MRI Reveals Inner Workings Of Trump’s Skull

The following MRI of the inside of Trump’s skull is 100% real and comes to us via secret spies working inside the Trump Administration.   Enjoy.

I'm the best! Grab that pussy! Close those borders! Biggest crowd ever! Obama sucks! It's fake news not to love me! Putin's my master! I like pee! I hate EVERYTHING about America! Poor people are lazy! Rich people are great! I'm great! You're not! Fuck you! I'm bigly, no one else is! Fuck you! (Repeat)

I’m the best! Grab that pussy! Close those borders! Biggest crowd ever! Obama sucks! It’s fake news not to love me! Putin’s my master! I like pee! I hate EVERYTHING about America! Poor people are lazy! Rich people are great! I’m great! You’re not! Fuck you! I’m bigly, no one else is! Fuck you! (Repeat)

Democrats Finally Grow Some Balls

It’s about fucking time.  We, progressives, liberals, Democrats, and all normal human beings, need to fight, resist, and obstruct Trump and his Putin-loving Republican cronies at every single turn.   They’re anti-American, traitorous dogs.  Fuck ’em all.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/powerpost/senate-democrats-face-a-key-test-tuesday-amid-promises-to-stand-up-to-trump/2017/01/31/1685487a-e7bd-11e6-b82f-687d6e6a3e7c_story.html

A Valentine To My Lover, Vladimir

trumpvladimir

Oh, my love!

How my heart does

Flutter

Whenever I smell the

Sweet scent

Of your

Manly flesh

You,

My love,

Complete me

Yours is the

Biglyest, kindlyest, huuggeesst

Soul

That ever has lived ever

You have my undying

Trust and

Devotion

Always

Thank you my

Russian lover

For making me into the

Great

Man

I’ve now become

I’m yours

Body, mind, and soul

Today, tomorrow, and

Forever

Love always,

Donny

Contents Of Russian Dossier On Trump Revealed

Actual Photo Of Russian Dossier On Trump

Actual Photo Of Russian Dossier On Trump

A Russian dossier containing incriminating information on Donald Trump has recently surfaced.  It’s existence poses a very important question: “Has Russia been blackmailing Donald Trump to do its bidding?”   Well, the readers of this blog will be glad to learn, we here at The Arm Chair Pontificator have been given access to this dossier.  A few interesting tidbits of information from it are presented below.  Enjoy.

1.)  12/13/2011.   The Donald and Vladimir make love in President Putin’s Winnebago.   The act is filmed by Russian porno director, and former KGB agent,  Gustav Bigdickski.   Bigdickski said of the experience:  “It was like filming vanilla ice cream melt all over orange sherbet.”  Vladimir is rumored to be keeping the video of this event under his mattress in Moscow.

2.)  03/06/2015.  The Donald comes to Moscow and declares his undying love to President Putin.  Ingrid Grabpussinstein, one of Vladimir’s chamber maids, heard Trump promise Putin this:  “Vlady, if you help me win the 2016 Presidential election in my country, I promise you, you’ll not only have unlimited access to my mangina, you’ll have America at your beck and call to do whatever you wish with it.”

3.)  12/25/2016.   The Donald visits several of his mistresses in a bathroom in Trump Tower in order to pee on them.  One of these mistresses, Beverly Idoitfordacash, overheard a call Trump placed to Vladimir Putin.  Here’s what she heard: “Listen, Vlady, I put Exxon Oil CEO, Rex Tillerson on my cabinet, just like I promised you I would.  He’ll do whatever you want him to.  Now, can I please come over to your house so we can do the ‘nasty’ to celebrate the holidays?”

*Stay tuned.  More secrets from the dossier to be revealed later.

Trump Supporters Respond To Meryl Streep’s Recent Golden Globe Speech

Meryl Streep, without mentioning his name, called out Donald Trump for being a bully who picks on disabled people at the Golden Globe Awards this past weekend.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/arts-and-entertainment/wp/2017/01/08/meryl-streep-called-out-donald-trump-at-the-golden-globes-read-her-speech-here/?utm_term=.aa364f346a5d

Trump supporters, of course, were quick to respond in their usual fashion.

Waa! Waa! I'm a wittle Donny Twump Suppowter 'n my itty, bitty feewlings got a boo boo on 'em 'cause dat nasty, evil, awful actwess wady, Meryl Streep said my herwo, Donny Twump, is a bullly. Waaa! Waaa! Me need a safe place frwom Meryl Streep! Waaa! Waaa! She hurwt Donny's wittle fweelings! Waaa! Waaa!

Waaa! Waaa! I’m a wittle Donny Twump Suppowter, ‘n my itty, bitty feewlings got a boo-boo on ’em ’cause dat nasty, evil, awful actwess wady, Meryl Stweep said my herwo, Donny Twump, is a bully. Waaa! Waaa! Me need a safe space frwom Meryl Stweep ‘n wiberals! Waaa! Waaa!  She hurwt my wittle fweelings! Waaa! Waaa!

Trump had this to say on the matter.

Me da Pwesident! Waaa! Waaa! Dat wady said bad things about wittle, baby me! Waaa! Waaaa! Me gonna cover me wittle ears so me can have a safe place from dat evil wady. Waaa! Waaa! Me need my daddy, Pwesident Putin! Me need him! Waaa! Waaa!

Me da Pwesident!  Waaa! Waaa! Dat wady said bad things about wittle, baby me! Waaa! Waaa!  Unfair!  Not twue! Wiberal bitch! Waaa!  Me gonna cover me wittle ears so me can have a safe space from dat evil wady.  Waaa! Waaa! Me need my daddy, Pwesident Putin!  Waaa! Waaa!  Help me, Wadimir Putin, you’re my only hope!  Waaa!