Tag Archives: Donald Trump

12.31.23
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Happy New Year! Look What We Have In Store For You This Year

     As a grand way to start out this spanking new year, we here at The Arm Chair Pontificator would like to fill you in on some of the upcoming films our multi-billion dollar production company, We Film ‘Em, You Watch ‘Em, has coming out.  On February 15th, we have a delightful remake of Charlie’s Angels called, Donald’s Demons coming out.  The movie stars Marjorie Taylor Green, Lauren Boebert, and Lindsey Graham as three uppity FBI ladies who take orders from their boss, a guy calling himself only “Donald” who speaks to them only via a speaker phone in FBI headquarters.  Hilarity ensues as the three uppity ladies are asked to hunt down and destroy any and all “woke” activity they see poisoning the waters of America.  Be sure not to miss it.

   Next we have a little film we call Ron DeSantis vs The Florida Democratic Swamp Monster which comes out in June this year.  This film stars Sean Penn as Governor DeSantis and Barrack Obama as the evil, twisted Florida swamp creature that is destroying Christian and GOP children all throughout Florida  by giving them books to read that may or may not have been written by gay authors.  This one is a massive special effects bonanza so be sure and put it on your calendar. 

  And lastly, for now at least, we have a little horror film coming out in October called, An American Woke Liberal in Kentucky.   This film stars Senator Mitch McConnell as a Catholic exorcist who’s been sent by the Pope to Louisville, Kentucky because of rumors a trans woman is living there who’s been trying to get the state to turn blue.  “This type of activity MUST be exorcised from the state before it ruins it!” McConnell cries as the film begins.  This one’s gonna win an Academy Award, methinks!  So buckle up for fun at the movies this year folks.  And be sure to check back here to find out about more films coming later this year from The Arm Chair Pontificator and We Film ‘Em, You Watch ‘Em productions!

12.24.20
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And Unto Mankind A Savior Is Born

Merry Christmas to the millions of readers of this blog from Our Lord ‘n Savior, Baby Jesus. May the love, empathy, kindness, and beauty of this wonderful infant watch over you and yours on this, the very eve of His most blessed birth.

11.24.20
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Biden Angrily Calls For A Recount Of Votes In North Carolina And Claims He’s Won Every State In The Union

“Trump did NOT win North Carolina,” shouts President-elect, Joe Biden. “I did!!! Recount the votes there NOW!!!!  I won EVERY fucking state in this country!!  RECOUNT THEM ALL!!!!!  Anyone who thinks I didn’t win them ALL is a blind fool!!! This election was RIGGED!! It was filled with FRAUD!!! FRAUD, I tell you, FRAUD!!!  I WON EVERY STATE!!!! Trump and Putin have RIGGED the 2020 election to make it look close and THAT is FRAUD!!! Lock Trump and his family up, NOW!!! HEY, AG Bill Barr, LOCK Trump up!!! He’s a liar, a criminal, and a traitor who rigged the 2020 election against me!!! Lock ’em up!! AAAAAHHH!! I’m SOOO MAD!!! WAAAAA!!! WAAAAA!!!  WAAAAA!!”

11.24.20
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Photo Taken Of Mitch McConnell Just After Licking Trump’s Anus For The 940th Time

“My God,” shouts Mitch McConnell, after licking Trump’s anus for the 940th time, “that’s THE most delicious thing I’ve EVER tasted! Gimme excess of it!”

11.24.20
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Joe Biden Resurrects Hugo Chavez Places Him In Charge Of CIA

“I want to thank President-elect Joe Biden for resurrecting me from the dead to put me in charge of the CIA,” Hugo Chavez said earlier today.

OAN City, Utah.  President-elect Joe Biden today used some of the evil powers he’s gained over the years from worshiping Satan to return Hugo Chavez from the dead in order to place him in charge of the CIA.   “Yeah, I figured, what the fuck,” Biden said earlier,” why not use some of the evil powers I have as a Satan worshiper and a Democrat to return Mr. Chavez from the dead in order to have him do my bidding in the CIA.  Hugo is SOOOOO glad to be alive again, I’m certain he will do whatever evil thing I and my fellow leftist Democrats instruct him to do.  So, LOOK OUT, former President Trump and Trump supporters!  I, and Hugo Chavez, are comin’ for ya!  Hahahahahahahahaha!!!”

11.22.20
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Photo Of Newly Born Christ Child Found In A Denny’s Bathroom In Jerusalem

Phake News City, New Hampshire.   In stunning and miraculous news today a photograph of the newly born Christ child was found in a bathroom in a Denny’s restaurant in Jerusalem by a tourist named Betty Grabmacrotch.   “I was squatting over a disgustingly dirty toilet to pee,” Ms. Grabmacrotch said earlier today, “when I noticed an odd looking piece of paper sticking out of the toilet paper dispensary.  When I pulled it out, I heard the sound of a thousand angels singing, and several toilets flushing, and, I swear this is true, the paper literally vibrated in my hand as I touched it.   When I looked down at it, I immediately knew I was looking at a picture of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, on the day of his birth.   I knew this was true because of how beautiful the child was in the picture and because I heard angels singing when I pulled it out of the dispensary.   Yes, I know photography was not around at the time of Christ’s birth, but we are dealing here with JESUS and the laws of time and space have no bearing on him or on those who believe in him.   Also, the child in this photo is so beautiful, so lovely, so radiant with love, empathy, joy, and peace, it can be of no one else but Jesus on the day of his birth.  Just look at it and tell me it can be anything BUT that!”   The photo below is the picture Ms. Grabmacrotch found in the bathroom.   Look at it, and decide for yourself whether or not it is, indeed, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, on the day of his birth.  $Amen$

WAAAA!!! WAAAA!!! Baby Jesus WON 2020 Election!!! WAAAA!!! WAAA!!! WAAAA!!

11.09.20
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10 Alternative Facts

Just Cause They’re Alternative Doesn’t Make ‘Em Any Less True

Of the many wonderful things I’ve learned during the past four years of the Trump Administration, the fact that alternative facts exist and are true if they can’t be proven false is my most cherished.   To honor this wonderful tidbit of information, I’ve compiled a list of ten alternative facts I’ve pulled from my arse that are obviously true because no one will ever be able to prove they’re not.  As you read through them, remember this: just because a fact is alternate to what you perceive as reality does not, in any way, make it any less a fact or any less true.  $Amen$

10.)  Gravity is fake news.  It isn’t real.  The real reason we don’t fly off of the Earth is because Jesus is personally holding each of us onto it with His warm, loving hands.

9.)  Dogs are really cats that bark.

8.)  Democrats were put on Earth by Satan to torment Christians by eating their children in pizza parlor basements throughout the country.

7.)  Barrack Obama is both a devout Muslim AND a rampant, angry atheist who hates people of all faiths.

6.)  Fish don’t exist.  We only think they do because the liberal media keeps telling us they do.  Assholes!

5.)  The Earth is neither flat or round.  It is triangle shaped and is carried around the galaxy on the back of a big hairless dog named Poochie.

4.)  Donald Trump easily won the 2020 Presidential election by 700 billion votes.

3.)  Old MacDonald never owned a farm.  He was a gay hairdresser who lived in Queens in the 1960’s.

2.)  The itsy bitsy spider was actually 28 ft long and feasted on children all throughout England from 1687 until it was finally killed with a stick of dynamite by a Catholic nun named Bertha in the Spring of 1979.

1.)  Humpty Dumpty was, indeed, put back together after his near fatal fall and became a shoe cobbler in Northern Ireland until the day he died in 1789.  The remnants of his shell were then used to fertilize the garden were Jack planted the bean stalk that he climbed to rob a sky giant who never bothered a fucking person until Jack decided to rob him of his gold.