Inerrant Rantings Of An Entirely Sane Pontificator

Here are two recent, perfectly inerrant, logical, and anger free rants I recently had in response to comments from Trump supporters and religious nutters on another blog.   I’m hoping these finally get the Nobel Committee to give me my friggin’ Nobel Prize.

1.)  As a flat earth creationist, I must say, I LOVE Trump. Since his election the world has become younger and flatter almost by the hour. Thanks to one of the most devout Christians to ever hold the title of President, the love of the Lord Jesus Christ has embraced America, and soon we’ll have what I’ve always wanted: a fully functioning Christian theocracy where any and all who do not properly worship Our True Lord, Jesus Christ, will be physically put on a boat and shipped to the Middle East where they belong.  I’m personally writing Trump’s mentor, Vladimir Putin, a long letter thanking him for helping Trump make America great again, just like it was in 1952 when Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ was President. Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the Mexican border to use my body as a human shield to keep Mexicans out of my country until Trump gets Mexico to pay for the border wall to end all border walls.  It’s the only way to keep America truly safe from Hispanic rapists and hoodlums.  $Amen$

2.)  Open borders are the best. Christ, I say build a friggin’ cement highway across the Atlantic to Europe and let EVERY Mooslim there drive on over in horse-drawn carriages.  We need ’em fer target practice, the thievin’ buggers.
Taxes?  Who needs the Dems for that, the rat, snowflake bums.  Christ, the omnibus bill the Republicans/Russians just passed and Putin’s lil puppet, President Donny Bone-Spurs, just signed, jacked up our deficit by what,1.8 trillion or so? I mean COME ON, that’s got Libtard/Democrat written ALL over it.  But I’m bettin’ Draft Dodge Don and his Russian/Republicans can do better than that!  Why not put 8 or 9 trillion more onto that spending bill and give a 95% tax cut to the rich to jack the debt up another 6 or 7 trillion?  It’ll make ya feel all warm ‘n Democrat-like inside.  It will me at least

The GOP, Ya’ Gotta Love ‘Em!

And hell, we actually need to beg more people to cross our borders.  Man, just last night, I shot and killed 56 German and Polish illegals who were trying to kick in my front door.  A-holes wanted food or some such crap.  Can you believe that?  As well, I’ve been attacked by, like, I don’t know, 89 Mexican and Italian illegals in the last month alone.  They said, in really broken English, mind you, that they wanted to grab some pussy like lil Donny does and wanted me to show ’em how. ‘Course, I shot ‘n killed the bastards.  Ain’t no friggin’ illegal som’bitch gonna talk to me about pussy-grabbin’.  That’s for American Presidents alone to do.  Ha! I sure showed them.  So, let ’em keep on comin’ over.  I like shootin’ ’em.  Makes me almost as happy as kickin’ Dems in their privates.  Almost, but not quite.  BANG!  Gotcha, ya’ friggin’ illegal bastard, ya’.

 

May the love of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the ONE TRUE GOD, be with everyone out there.  May His Holy Arms wrap over you and bring you freedom from Republican omnibus bills, pussy-grabbers, traitorous political parties in line with Russian oligarchs, and deficit raisin’ conservatives who’ve lately made even the wildest, leftist Democrats look like Ronald Reagan. $Amen$

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Dear Christians, It Is Not Your God I Hate, It’s You

I came across this cognitively impaired article yesterday which addresses an issue some Christians seem to think non-believing bastards like me have with their god and/or the Biblical figure of Jesus. They claim we hate them: http://creation.com/atheist-god-hate.

Not Your Made Up God

Not Your Made Up God

Apparently, the omnipotent, all-knowing Christian who wrote this article knows every atheist personally, and he knows with absolute certainty that every single one of them, including me, hates the specific god he believes in. This hatred is evident because, in this idiot’s damaged mind, disbelief in his god equates with hatred of his god. Interesting. I don’t believe in Allah, Thor, Zeus, Osiris, or Athena either. Does that mean I hate them too? No. No, you asshole, it does not mean anything of the sort. I do not hate your god, you fuck head. I do not believe in gods, yours include. Thus, you have no god for me to hate. Also, I do not hate Jesus. I like him, actually. However, I see absolutely nothing of Jesus in you, nor in any Christian I’ve ever known.

Gandhi Said It Too, Asshole

Gandhi Said It Too, Asshole

There is nothing of Jesus in Christianity. Nothing whatsoever. So, let me be frank, you fucking asshole, it is not some non-existent god of yours I hate. It’s you. I hate you, you fucking dog-ass licker. Just you. I hate you because you’ve gone out of your way to insult my intelligence and my integrity with your article about non-believers. I’m taking your generalizations very personally, ass-face. And, now, I’m crudely insulting you, you fucking tampon, because, unlike you, I admit I’m a petty person.

So Now I'm Gonna Show You

So Now I’m Gonna Show You

And I take great satisfaction from saying petty, mean things to insulting pieces of Christian shit like you. You went out of your way to insult me with your generalizations about non-believers in your article. You’ve never even met me, you fucking cock sucker. You’re spineless, and I direct all of my hate right at you and only you. You are a meaningless, pointless, waste of life. The next time you write insulting, derogatory lies about non-believers, I’m going to find out who and where you are and come after you. And when I find you, I’m going to beat you so hard and for so long that you’ll promise me you’ll suck my cock just to make me stop. And I will stop. I’ll stop, and I’ll make you suck me off until I cum down your lying throat, you miserable fucking asshole. Now, go spank yourself with a long, braided belt. You’ve been a very nasty fucking bitch today. How do you feel now, shit ball? Hated? Good. Cause you are.