It’s about fucking time. We, progressives, liberals, Democrats, and all normal human beings, need to fight, resist, and obstruct Trump and his Putin-loving Republican cronies at every single turn. They’re anti-American, traitorous dogs. Fuck ’em all.
1.) “And upon learning that the sickest people in the village had no health insurance, Jesus refused to heal them and they died.” John 22:4-5
2.) “After turning the water into wine, Jesus proceeded to grab all the women at the wedding by the pussy because, well, because he was famous, and they could do nothing to stop him.” Luke 44:8-9
3.) “Jesus then created a welfare system in which the wealthiest members of society were given free handouts and tax breaks by the Government whilst the poorest members were allowed to suffer in poverty and die.” Mark 3:67-69
4.) “Jesus said to the stranger, ‘I cast you out because your skin is of a different hue and you speak with a weird accent.’ After he did this, there was great rejoicing amongst the people.” Matthew 32:67-69
5.) “And there shall come a time when King Putin will so completely have his rectum licked by a childish orange oaf that he shall do all in his power to aid the orange oaf into becoming King of his own land.” Revelation 7:43-45
1.) Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Republicans don’t do menial labor. They hire undocumented workers to do it for five cents an hour.
2.) Q: What’s the hardest thing most Republicans will ever have to do?
A: Wait til their 18th birthday to gain access to their trust fund.
3.) Q: How do Republicans acquire land?
A: They wait for their relatives to die.
4.) Q: What’s the name of the first bank Republicans borrow money from without having to pay it back?
A: Mommy and Daddy’s Loans Unlimited
5.) Q: Besides a cornea operation without anesthesia, name three things Republicans hate most.
A: The poor, the disabled, and the social programs that help keep them alive.
Trump City, Illinois. A group of half-sized Donald Trump clones, known scientifically as “Trump-ettes” invaded and took over a Chicago candy factory today. “We’re doing this to ensure every piece of candy made in this factory goes directly into the mouths of white children whose parents make over seven figures a year,” the Trump-ettes shouted as they bodily removed every worker from the plant. “Our Lord and Master, Herr Donald, heard that this factory was selling candy to poor, disabled, black, Mexican and Muslim kids. You can’t get more UN-American than that, so we were sent to put an end to it. God bless America; God bless freedom, and God bless our God, Donald Trump.”
Theocrat Town, Texas. Ted Cruz today released a statement in which he claims all WordPress users are gay. “Since WordPress allows individuals a platform to express opinions that do not support Jesus, and me, Ted Cruz, his anointed spokesmen on Earth, I must concur, using the powerful brain Jesus gave me, that all WordPress users are gay. I don’t like gay people and think they’re icky. To get back at me, they’ve created WordPress to express themselves in ways I, and Jesus, do not condone. I find this offensive and a horrible violation of my right, as a Christian, to cram my religion up the asses of every man, woman, and child in America. Once I’m President, I’ll put an end to WordPress, gays, Jews, Blacks, Hispanics, poor people, disabled people, liberals and everyone else in America who refuses to kiss my rectum and follow my religion. God bless America, and God bless freedom!”