Republican Apes

Bloodville, Transylvania.  Here are some wonderful pictures of Republican apes that were taken by our resident zoologist and pastry chef, Don T. Givashit.

1.) A Republican ape on global warming.

You Can Talk All You Want About Global Warming, But I'm NOT Going To Listen!

You Can Talk All You Want About Global Warming, But I’m NOT Going To Listen!

2.) A Republican porn star ape.

You Won't Find Balls Like This On A Sissy Democrat, Baby. If You Want A Real Man With Real Balls, You Gotta Go Republican.

You Won’t Find Balls Like This On A Sissy Democrat, Baby. If You Want A Real Man With Real Balls, You Gotta Go Republican.

3.) A Ronald Reagan era Republican ape.

I Told The Other Apes If They Gave Me All Their Bananas, I'd Let Some Of Them Trickle Down So That Everyone Could Eat. They Listened. I Got Fat, And Most Of Them Died. Now There's A LOT More Bananas For Me!

I Told The Other Apes If They Gave Me All Their Bananas, I’d Let Some Of Them Trickle Down So That Everyone Could Eat. They Listened. I Got Fat, And Most Of Them Died. Now There’s A LOT More Bananas For Me!

4.) A hypnotist Republican ape.

Look Closely Into My Eyes, Poor Person, And Repeat After Me, "Tax Breaks For The Wealthy Are Healthy. Tax Breaks For The Wealthy Are Healthy."

Look Closely Into My Eyes, Poor Person, And Repeat After Me, “Tax Breaks For The Wealthy Are Healthy. Tax Breaks For The Wealthy Are Healthy.”

5.) A Republican ape with his favorite pet.

Democrats Make Great House Pets And Servants, Says This Republican Orangutan.

Undocumented, Liberal Puppies Like This One Make Great House Pets And Servants, And All They’ll Cost You Are A Few Table Scraps. Now Go Fetch Me The Wall Street Journal, Boy!

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What If Bible Characters Were Animals?

Because my sanity is not at all stable, I often get ridiculously nonsensical ideas that I turn into blog posts. This is one them. If famous characters from the Bible were animals, here’s what they’d look like. Hallelujah!

1.) Here’s God just after he, unexpectedly, created the first humans.

I Didn't Think I could Actually Make Humans. What The Hell Am I Suppose To Do With 'Em Now?

I Didn’t Think It Would Really Work. What The Hell Am I Suppose To Do Now?

2.) And here’s his number one bad-ass of a son, Jesus.

I'm Not Only The Only God There Is, I'm The Strongest!

I Told Ya I Could Lift It, Pa. Didn’t I? Well, Didn’t I?

3.) And now, to help us round out the three gods who are, somehow, actually only one, here’s The Holy Spirit.

Say, Jesus, I'm Gonna Use Your Pool. Hope You Don't Mind.

Say, Jesus, I Dropped By To Use Your Pool. Hope You Don’t Mind.

4.) John the Baptist’s freshly decapitated head is next.

What The Fuck Are You Lookin' At?

What The Fuck Are You Lookin’ At?

5.) A group shot of the 12 Apostles arriving at Jesus’ place for the last supper.

OK, Jesus, We're Here. What's For Supper?

OK, Jesus, We’re Here. Where’s The Eats?

6.) Eve, the first woman, in a rather compromising position.

Hey, Adam! This Apple Just Fell On Me. Could You Help Me Get It Off? Just Don't Bite Into It For Christ's Sake!

Hey, Adam! This Apple Just Fell On Me. Could You Help Me Get It Off? Just Don’t Bite Into It For Christ’s Sake, OK?

7.) And, here’s Adam and Eve suffering the consequences of Adam not following Eve’s instructions from the above picture.

Wadda Mean Yer Kickin' Us Out? Where The Hell Are We Gonna Go?

Wadda Mean Yer Kickin’ Us Out? Where The Hell Are We Gonna Go?

8.) Lastly, we have this lovely picture of Allah, the great god of the Koran, as he moves into his new home.

There Is Room For Only One God In This Hen House, And It Isn't You Yahweh!

There Is Room For Only One God In This Hen House, And It Ain’t You, Yahweh!

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Unique And Fascinating Animals

Fourth Moon of Yavin.  World renowned animal photographer, Sir Diddle MeDickie, stopped by our Moscow office earlier today to show us photographs he’d taken of some very unique and fascinating animals. We present them below for your perusal.

1.) Our first pic is of Sarah Palin’s pet cat. Palin’s the ex-Alaskan Governor who resigned because she found running Alaska to be too difficult, just in case you’ve forgotten.

Sarah Palin's Pussy, Licker

Sarah Palin’s Pussy, Licker

2.) Here’s a picture of two Democratic pussies.

Liberal Cats: They Fight Each Other Whilst Republican Cats Run The Yard

Liberal Cats: They Fight Each Other Whilst Conservative Cats Run The Yard

3.) Next we have a photo that shows it isn’t only humans who have the right to “stand their ground” at any cost.

First Chimp Ever Allowed Into The NRA

Chimp And NRA Member, Harry “Make My Day” Callahan

4.) Now for a lovely shot that Sir Diddle MeDickie took on election night in America last November.

Orangutan Democrat Viewing 2014 Midterm Election Results

Orangutan Democrat Viewing 2014 Midterm Election Results

5.) Lastly, we have this very sweet photo of a deeply religious animal practicing its faith.

TruChristian Badger: It Prays AND It Hates Gays

TruChristian Badger: It Prays AND It Hates Gays

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