Heathens Lookin’ For Hoochie

A new dating service for atheists called Heathens Lookin’ For Hoochie has recently come online.   Here are a few of the questions they ask their subscribers to help them connect people with their ideal mate.

1.) How do you like to eat your infants: A.) Boiled  B.) Fried  C.) Raw ‘n squirmin’ or  D.) Diced and baked on an extra cheese pizza?

2.) When fighting in the war on Christmas each year, what is your preferred weapon:  A.) A .357 Magnum  B.) A flamethrower  C.)  A small nuclear device or  D.) All of the above?

3.) You come upon the house of a Christian and find it has a well in the backyard.  Do you A.)  Poison it with cyanide B.)  Throw the Christian and his family into it and seal it closed  C.)  Pour Ebola into it and laugh as the family suffers and dies from it or  D.)  Fill it with poisonous snakes and giggle when one is brought up in a bucket by the Christian and bites him in the face?

4.) A group of evangelical Christians move in next door to you.  Do you A.)  Begin having all night orgies in your backyard to offend them  B.)  Leave your shades open at night so they can watch you dance naked in the blood of the babies you’ve slaughtered  C.)  Make 3ft penis topiaries out of your front hedges and spend entire weekends outside gently stoking them or D.)  All of the above?

5.)  What’s your idea of a great 1st date  A.)  Reenacting the biblical destruction of Jericho by killing everyone in the town next to you in the name of God  B.)  Finding out where pedophile Catholic priests reside and removing their genitals from their bodies  C.)  Dressing as demons and terrorizing creationists on their way to Sunday services  or  D.)  Any of the above?