Because I Had Bone Spurs….

“I Wasn’t Able To Catch And Eat Tweety Bird.”   Sylvester the Cat, April 15th, 2011


“I Was Unable To Stand And Run When John Wilkes Booth Started Shooting At Me, So I Was Killed.”   April 15th, 1865


“I Had To Stay In My Car While Shooting Quail So I Wasn’t Able To Kill As Many Had I Been Able To Stand Up And Shoot Them.”  Little Old Lady, August 5th, 1999


“I Was Unable To Shoot And Kill Bugs Bunny Cause The Pain In My Foot, From My Bone Spurs, Caused Me To Cry Out When I Was Sneaking Up On Him.”  Elmer Fudd, December 3rd, 2001


“I Was Unable To Win The 100 Yard Dash At My High School Track Meet.”  Baby Girl, June 12th, 2014


“I Had To Defer My Enlistment In The U.S. Army 5 Times Even Though I’m The Toughest, Badly-est, Bigly-est Tough Guy To Have Ever, Ever Lived. No, Really, I Am. Really. I’m Manly, And I’m Tough.”  President Donald Trump, February 22nd, 2018

Elmer Fudd Says He And Donald Trump Falsely Accused Of Pussy Grabbing

"I would kwill a wabbit, but nevwer gwag a pussy witout consent," says Elmer Fudd

“I would kwill a wabbit, but nevwer gwbag a pussy witout consent,” says Elmer Fudd

Palm-To-Pussy Village, Ohio.   Elmer  Fudd, of Warner Bros. cartoon fame, said today that he and Donald Trump have been falsely accused of grabbing women by the pussy without their consent simply because they’re stars.  ” It’s totawy rididwoulous,” Mr. Fudd said earlier today.  “I would nevewer gwag a wady by her pussy if she didn’t want me to.  And Mr. Twump wouldn’t eithewer.  Hillawy Cwinton and her evil followers are da ones saying dis.  Donald Twump is awesome ‘n he wuvs Aemrwica!  I will shoot to death anyone who disagwees wit dis.  So sayeth me, Elmew Fudd, Bugs Bunny’s # one nemesis.  Scwuw wiberals!  An’ scwuw doze who hate Donwald Twrump!”     We at The Arm Chair Pontificator would like to thank Mr. Fudd for offering an opinion that reflects the belief of 98% of Americans.  Donald Trump is America’s man, and Donald Trump will be America’s leader as of 11/09/16.  God bless America, and God bless Donald Trump.   $Amen$

I’m Running For President And Elmer Fudd Is My Running Mate

Shhh! Be Berry Berry Quiet! I'm Gonna Be Da Pontificator's Wonning Mate Fer Da Pwesidency Ov Amerwica!

Shhh! Be Bearwee, Bearwee Quiet! I’m Gonna Be Da Pontificator’s Wonning Mate Fer Da Pwesidency Ov Amerwica!

I’ve decided I’m going to run for President of the U.S.  Hell, why not?  I’m a self-awarded Nobel Prize winner.   No other candidate can make that claim, AND I’ve picked Elmer Fudd to be my running mate.  How can you go wrong with that?  With the 750 million followers I have on this blog, and the 6 billion views it gets per day, there’s no way I can not become President.  I wonder, now that I’m running for President, how long will it be before I start receiving national security updates?

Elmer Fudd Says, “Be Verwee, Verwee Quite. I’m Hunting Wiberals!”

Elmer Fudd, the beloved Warner Bros cartoon character, announced today that he will no longer hunt for his elusive arch nemesis, Bugs Bunny. Instead, Mr. Fudd stated, he will point his rifle at targets easier to hit, namely, liberals, a-theists and anyone having ever read a book by Christopher Hitchens or Richard Dawkins. “Bugs was just too hard to kill,” Mr. Fudd said. “Wiberals and dose who don’t beeweeve in our Ward Jeebus Chwist are easier to kill and deserb to die fer der horrible beweefs.”

Be Verwee Quite! I'm Hunting Wiberals!

Be Verwee Quite! I’m Hunting Wiberals!

It’s uncertain how seriously Mr. Fudd’s threat should be taken, however, because he is only a cartoon character firing cartoon bullets. Thus, the likelihood of anyone actually being hurt by him is practically nonexistent.