Palm-To-Pussy Village, Ohio. Elmer Fudd, of Warner Bros. cartoon fame, said today that he and Donald Trump have been falsely accused of grabbing women by the pussy without their consent simply because they’re stars. ” It’s totawy rididwoulous,” Mr. Fudd said earlier today. “I would nevewer gwag a wady by her pussy if she didn’t want me to. And Mr. Twump wouldn’t eithewer. Hillawy Cwinton and her evil followers are da ones saying dis. Donald Twump is awesome ‘n he wuvs Aemrwica! I will shoot to death anyone who disagwees wit dis. So sayeth me, Elmew Fudd, Bugs Bunny’s # one nemesis. Scwuw wiberals! An’ scwuw doze who hate Donwald Twrump!” We at The Arm Chair Pontificator would like to thank Mr. Fudd for offering an opinion that reflects the belief of 98% of Americans. Donald Trump is America’s man, and Donald Trump will be America’s leader as of 11/09/16. God bless America, and God bless Donald Trump. $Amen$
Here’s a list of crazy shit I think about because, well, I’m crazy.
1.) How do the people of Humpty Dumpty’s species mate without breaking?
2.) How can theists claim, with absolute certainty, that a god or gods exist when I, being an atheist, can not claim, with absolute certainty, they do not? BTW, I also can not claim, with absolute certainty, that Superman doesn’t really exist, though I highly doubt it.
3.) If theists are so confident in a beautiful afterlife, why fear death and fight to stay alive? Hell, if I knew I had paradise waiting for me, with absolute certainty, I’d be eager to die, and happy to get cancer. Perhaps, just perhaps, deep down, we all instinctively know this is it, and we are all afraid to die because we know this. Perhaps. 4.) Did Elmer Fudd’s parents speak like him, or did he develop his particular speech impediment as he grew up? Does his desire to kill rabbits cause it, perhaps, or did he inherit it genetically from his parents? A nature vs nurture question in its purest form.
5.) If Bugs Bunny had a fist fight with Woody Woodpecker, who’d win? My bets are on Woody. He’d peck Bugs’ eyes out.
That’s all for now. Have a pleasant day, and remember, it’s always darkest just before the lights come on. Hallelujah!
Elmer Fudd, the beloved Warner Bros cartoon character, announced today that he will no longer hunt for his elusive arch nemesis, Bugs Bunny. Instead, Mr. Fudd stated, he will point his rifle at targets easier to hit, namely, liberals, a-theists and anyone having ever read a book by Christopher Hitchens or Richard Dawkins. “Bugs was just too hard to kill,” Mr. Fudd said. “Wiberals and dose who don’t beeweeve in our Ward Jeebus Chwist are easier to kill and deserb to die fer der horrible beweefs.”
It’s uncertain how seriously Mr. Fudd’s threat should be taken, however, because he is only a cartoon character firing cartoon bullets. Thus, the likelihood of anyone actually being hurt by him is practically nonexistent.