Farewell Stan Lee, And Thanks

Stan Lee, the co-creator of such fantastic Marvel Comics superheroes as Spider-Man, The Fantastic Four, and The Avengers passed away today at age 95.  He was involved with Marvel Comics, originally called Timely Comics, for decades as a writer, editor and publisher.  His comics brought great joy to me in what was otherwise a very tumultuous childhood.  They helped keep me sane by giving me a fantasy world to hide in when the real world became too much to bear.

I’ve collected and loved comic books for most of my 5 decades on Earth, and Stan Lee’s characters and style of writing them is the reason why.  There would be no multi-billion dollar Marvel movies today if not for Stan Lee.  His reinvention of the super hero genre in 1961, with the release of The Fantastic Four, injected a sense of realism into comics by placing the characters in the “real” world and giving them real world problems.  Spider-Man worried about how to pay his rent and how to date girls and be a web-slinging super hero at the same time.  The Fantastic Four fought and bickered with each other just like real families do.  He made his characters relatable to me and millions of other readers across the world.  He made comic books mainstream.  And he made them fun.

I’ve met many comic book creators and writers during the years when I attended comic book conventions on a regular basis but never got to meet Stan.  Even so, he’s been a part of my life for so long, I feel as if I know him, and today I feel that a dear personal friend has died.  Thanks, Stan for bringing so much joy into my life, in many ways you helped save it.   Rest well.  You will be missed.  Excelsior!

Advertisements

The Wives Of Jedi Master Yoda

Everyone knows the lovable Jedi Master, Yoda, but few know of the many wives he’s had in his life.   Here’s a list of them and Yoda’s comments about them.

“Married four times, I’ve been. Exhausted it has made me,” Yoda says.

 

Yoda’s First Wife and Sister To Evil Emperor Palpatine, Margaret Thatcher. “Too self-centered, she was,” Yoda says of her. “Used my toothbrush, she did.  Apologize, she would not. So divorce, I did.”

 

Yoda’s Second Wife, Dianne Feinstein. “Smoked like a chimney, she did. Whole house she stunk up!” Says Yoda. “So papers I served her, and out she went!”

 

Yoda’s Third Wife, Nancy Pelosi. “Dogs she loved,” Yoda says of her, “but allergic I am. The dogs or me, I said, and the dogs she kept.”

 

Yoda’s Current Wife And Dark Lord Of The Sith, Ann Coulter. “Powerful, she is,” Yoda says of her. “Afraid of her, I am. Marry her I should have not, but prisoner I now am. Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope!”

 

A Hulk Rant On Donald Trump

Hulk angry!  Hulk’s President is stupid, dumb orange man, Donald Trump.  Hulk doesn’t like stupid orange man.   Orange man has no respect for women.  Orange man thinks he can grab women by women’s private parts just cause orange man is famous.  ORANGE MAN BAD!!! Hulk SMASH stupid orange man!!!  Orange man give huge tax breaks to his billionaire friends by taking money from poor, old and sick people.  HULK HATE STUPID ORANGE MAN!!!  Stupid people voted for stupid orange man!  Hulk not smart, but Hulk smart enough to know orange man is bad and hurts good people.  Hulk good, so Hulk didn’t vote for stupid orange man.   Stupid orange man voters are bad just like stupid orange man!!!  Orange man call Asian man with bad haircut silly names.  Now Asian man with bad haircut might drop huge bomb on Hulk and people Hulk loves.  HULK HATES STUPID ORANGE MAN!!!  Hulk must go now because stupid orange man make Hulk sick, and Hulk need to rest.  Hulk hope stupid orange man go away soon.  Hulk can’t take much more of this!!  AAARRRGH!!!

 

Ask The Batman

Hi Batman. My name is Ronald Rodslimp Wrinkleberry. I’m 24 years old, and I’ve a question for you. For some reason, girls don’t seem to take a hankerin’ to me. I try very hard to get them to notice me, but they act as if I’m not even there. I’m thinking of becoming a crime-fighting vigilante, like you, in order to make myself more attractive and noticeable to girls. Can you please give me some tips on how to do this, as I really have no idea where to begin. Thanks.

 

Thanks for your question, Ronald. Unfortunately, because of multiple lawsuits I’m currently involved in, I can’t answer your question.  But, I can say this.  Give up on trying so hard to get girls to be interested in you.  I’m a dark, disturbed, bad-ass of a billionaire who gets babes to fall all over him like drops of rain on a Spring morning.  You’re nothing like me, and no amount of crime-fighting advice is gonna change that.  So, just be yourself; enjoy your comics and your video games, and stop pestering girls.  They really don’t like it.  OK?    Sincerely, The Batman

Happy Valentine’s Day From Aquaman

 

aqua jesus

Hi peeps.  Aquaman here.  I’ve come by to wish everyone a happy Valentine’s Day from under the deep, blue sea.   I know what you’re all thinking, “Aquaman, what the f##k’s up with that long-ass beard and those shades?”  Well, let me tell you.  I grew this beard in order to attract these tiny crab-like crustaceans that my girlfriend, Mera, loves to eat.  I give them to her as a Valentine’s Day gift practically every year.  Here’s how it works.  I simply lay back on the ocean floor and thousands of the little buggers crawl up into my beard.  Then, because they often spit venom in your face when disturbed, I put on these sexy-ass shades to protect my eyes, stand up, and comb my beard out over a huge, empty snail-shell.  Once the shell is filled with the critters, I smash the f##k out of them with my powerful trident, spread them onto some sandwich bread, and bring them to my love, Mera, to eat.   She absolutely loves ’em!  Well, I’m off to catch me some crustaceans.  Have a great V-Day, y’all.

A Complaint From Aquaman

aquaman67

You know what really sucks?  When you buy a new superhero suit and they forget to tell you it will shrink if you get it wet.  I’m AQUAMAN!  I live under water.  Why in Neptune’s name would I want a suit that you can’t get wet?  If they don’t give me my money back, I’m gonna toss me a damned hissy-fit to end all hissy-fits!  Harrumph!

A Request From Prince Namor, The Sub-Mariner

Hi.  Prince Namor, the Sub-Mariner, here.   Before I get started, let me warn everyone reading this, I'm VERY sensitive about 2 things: The tiny wings on my feet, and the big, pointy crown on my head.  Make fun of them, or giggle at them, and I'll stick my big-ass scepter up your tushy.  So, no laughing.  Now, on to business.  As many of you may know, I live underwater in the Kingdom of Atlantis.  Yes, Atlantis, remember now, no laughing.  Thing is, in Atlantis, the only thing we wear are s

Hi. Prince Namor, the Sub-Mariner, here.  Before I get started, let me just warn everyone that I’m VERY sensitive about a few things: the tiny wings on my feet, the big, pointy crown on my head, and people thinking I’m a dandy because I’m dressed in this tiny Speedo.  Make fun of these things, or giggle at me in any way because of them, and I’ll stick my big-ass scepter up your tiny tushy.  So, no laughing.  Now, on to my request.  As many of you may know, I live underwater in the Kingdom of Atlantis.  Oh, no laughing about that either.  I live in Atlantis and I’m a Prince.  Deal with it.  But I digress.  My purpose for coming here today is to ask people who swim in the ocean to please stop peeing in it.  I LIVE IN IT, PEOPLE!  Do I come into your home and pee in it?  Of course not.  So, please, stop peeing in mine.  It’s friggin’ gross.  Thanks, and have a nice day.