Farewell Stan Lee, And Thanks

Stan Lee, the co-creator of such fantastic Marvel Comics superheroes as Spider-Man, The Fantastic Four, and The Avengers passed away today at age 95.  He was involved with Marvel Comics, originally called Timely Comics, for decades as a writer, editor and publisher.  His comics brought great joy to me in what was otherwise a very tumultuous childhood.  They helped keep me sane by giving me a fantasy world to hide in when the real world became too much to bear.

I’ve collected and loved comic books for most of my 5 decades on Earth, and Stan Lee’s characters and style of writing them is the reason why.  There would be no multi-billion dollar Marvel movies today if not for Stan Lee.  His reinvention of the super hero genre in 1961, with the release of The Fantastic Four, injected a sense of realism into comics by placing the characters in the “real” world and giving them real world problems.  Spider-Man worried about how to pay his rent and how to date girls and be a web-slinging super hero at the same time.  The Fantastic Four fought and bickered with each other just like real families do.  He made his characters relatable to me and millions of other readers across the world.  He made comic books mainstream.  And he made them fun.

I’ve met many comic book creators and writers during the years when I attended comic book conventions on a regular basis but never got to meet Stan.  Even so, he’s been a part of my life for so long, I feel as if I know him, and today I feel that a dear personal friend has died.  Thanks, Stan for bringing so much joy into my life, in many ways you helped save it.   Rest well.  You will be missed.  Excelsior!

William Lane Craig VS Stan Lee: Which Hero Is Real?

As any comic book, movie, or fan of hallucinogenic compounds can tell you, the debate over which comic book super hero actually exists, Spiderman or Superman, and which does not, has been raging for decades. Well, tonight, ACP productions, in association with Disney Entertainment, is proud to present William Lane Craig and Stan Lee in a debate over this very issue. I, TACP, will be your host and moderator throughout the debate. And so, without further ado, I present to you Stan Lee, who has always claimed Spiderman is a real guy, and he, Lee, just the reporter who told his story, and William Lane Craig, the Christian Apologist who has always argued that Superman is not only real, but is Christ himself, sans beard, in a blue suit, with a big S on the chest, and a bright red cape on his back. Gentlemen, if you’ll please be seated, I’ll explain the rules and we can begin.

If Spidey Ain't Real, Then Who Paid For Reno That Night?

If Spidey Ain’t Real, Then Who Paid For Reno That Night?

Lee: Excelsior! Let’s rumble!

Craig: Has anyone seen my notebook? It has Alexander Vilenkin on the cover. Anyone? Well, if it turns up, please bring it to me. Looking at Vilenkin’s picture calms my nerves. We can begin whenever you want, Mr. Moderator, you baby eating a-theist demon, you.

Where's My Damn Note Book?

Where’s My Damn Note Book?

ACP: Why thank you, Mr. Craig. I resemble that.  Now the rules. I’ll ask each of you a question. You answer, and your opponent gets a brief rebuttal if he wants, then I move to the next man and we repeat. Got that? OK.

Craig: Wait! I’m not messing around people. I have very powerful friends! I want my god damn notebook, now!

Lee: Oh, just sit down and act like a grown up, will you, Bill? It’ll turn up. Imperious Rex!

ACP: Great. OK, Mr. Lee, you get the first question. What tangible evidence can you produce, if any, to support your claim that Spiderman is a real guy?

Lee: That’s easy. Here in this bag are two pair of authentic, Spiderman tights, which he tossed out because, as you can see, the crotch areas are entirely worn out. And, I also have this signed picture of Spidey and me at the 1988 Broadway premier of Les Miserables. He even authenticated it for me by personalizing it when he signed it. “Me and Stan at a play premier. I hate plays. Because I’m Spiderman, and I’m real, and there’s crime to fight out there. I need to be out there, not in here writing on this fucking picture of me and Stan.” Now if that ain’t proof, Bill, what is?

I'm As Real As Real Can Get

I’m As Real As Real Can Get

ACP: Mr. Craig, do you have a rebuttal?

Craig: You’ll be rebuttin’ my foot up your ass if my notebook doesn’t turn up soon, Boy! I at least need a damn 8 by 10 glossy of Alexander to hold when I talk. Have that cronie of yours over there print one off the internet for me. Please.

ACP: That cronie you’re pointing at happens to be my Mother, but I’ll ask her to get your picture. Now, do you have a rebuttal to Mr. Lee’s statement?

Craig: Tights with the crotches worn out? A picture with the whole “Moby Dick” novel written on it as a signature? In what alternate Vilenkin universe do you think that would stand as evidence for anything, let alone as proof that Spiderman is real? Crap, Stan. It’s crap. Remember, Extraordinary claims, require extraordinary evidence. What’s so hard to understand about that?

ACP: OK, Mr. Craig, time for your question. What proof do you have that Superman is real?

Craig: First off, you a-theist bastard, I have God’s word from a little book called, The Bible. Your evil ass should read it. “And the Son shall become the Father, as the Father becomes the Son, and the Father forgives the Son, as the Son goes to Earth and becomes a founding member of The Justice League of America along with Batman and Wonder Women.” How do like that Stan, eh? How do like that?!

You'll Know I'm Real When My Heat Vision Is On Your Ass

You’ll Know I’m Real When My Heat Vision Is On Your Ass

Lee: I’m using my rebuttal time to just here and peacefully fucking die! That’s how stupidly boring that answer was. You’re an idiot, Bill, and I’m scared to be in same room with you.

ACP: Here’s your picture, Mr. Craig.

Craig: God bless you, you Godless son of a whore.

ACP: You’re welcome. Now, Stan, your final question: Where is Spiderman now, and why does he choose to remain invisible to us?

Lee: Well, it’s a mystery, and it’s so big our tiny non-super hero minds could never comprehend it. Thus, we have to rely only on our “Faith” that Spiderman is real to ensure ourselves that he really is real. Take that home to your skank bitch wife and feed it to her, Bill! I just kicked your ass, and your balls, out of the ball park! Excelsior!

Craig: I don’t care Stan. I have my picture of Vilenkin to look at. Do what you want with me. All that is me is now your’s to abuse.

William Lane's Man Crush, Alexander Vilenkin

William Lane’s Man Crush, Alexander Vilenkin

ACP: OK, gentlemen. That’s enough! Time to go home. You guys have lost all signs that you just might be sane. I’ve called you both cabs and….HOLY FUCK!!!! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s FUCKING SUPERMAN! YOU’RE REAL!!!

Superman: Yes, you a-theist dog! I am. I’m going to fly these two ninnies home, then go fuck Lois’ brains out through her hot, girlish ass. Bye, Satan Spawn.

ACP: Bye Superman. Thanks for coming by to call me abusive names! I love you!

THE END