Gamma Ray City, New York. Marvel Studios announced today they will be remaking The Incredible Hulk with Donald Trump in the starring role. “Yes,” Marvel Studios spokesperson, Sally Wannawail, said earlier. “We’ve just signed President Trump to star in our new Netflix show, The Incredible Baby. The show is a remake of the classic Incredible Hulk TV show from the 70’s. This time, however, instead of a dose of gamma rays turning Bill Bixby into a raging green beast, the show will involve Mr. Trump being turned into a whining, green, little baby every time something doesn’t go his way. Our first episode shows Mr. Trump as a 21-year-old receiving a draft notice for the Vietnam War and not wanting to go. He brings the notice to his father who tells him, ‘You know, Donald, your country needs you, and it isn’t very patriotic to not honor your country’s call.’ Upon hearing this, Mr. Trump transforms, for the first time into…The Incredible Baby! He cries, pouts, screams, poops his pants until, finally, his very wealthy father finds a doctor who’ll, for a price, write a letter stating Donald has bone spurs and thus can not go to Vietnam. This calms Mr. Trump down, and he reverts to his adult self, until……Watch Netflix this coming September to find out!”
1.) I’ve finally realized that the reason I’ve been able to outsmart, outwit, and brilliantly avoid the FBI for the past 35 years is because they’ve not once been looking for me.
2.) I’ve finally realized that the elderly do not like being tied onto the backs of kangaroos in order to “go for a fun ride”.
3.) I’ve finally realized it’s not wise to put newborns into particle accelerators to see if it will speed up their maturation process.
4.) I’ve realized, finally, that no matter how much white out I cover myself in, I’m still very much visible to people when I try to stealthily sneak into women’s locker rooms to have a peek.
5.) Finally, I’ve realized no matter how much gamma radiation I expose myself to, I still won’t turn into The Hulk when angered.