As some of my readers may know, I’m running for the Senate in 2020 on the following platform: We need to rid America of the pestilence that is poverty by building gas chambers and crematoriums throughout our great country to “get rid” of the poor, the elderly and the disabled–ain’t nuttin worse than a poor AND disabled person, BTW–by gassing and cremating the lazy bastards, ASAP.
I’m SICK and tired of the poor! SICK OF THEM!!!! It is SO obvious that the poor are poor by choice due to their laziness. This is simply NOT arguable. Anyone arguing otherwise is a leftist, liberal, SJW piece of crap unable to have calm, rational, non-name-calling discussions. Period. We also need to make America a Christian theocracy and put an end to the craziness that is gay marriage and gay “people” in general. Being gay, like being poor, is a conscious CHOICE done by lazy people who refuse to do the work necessary to be true, God-loving, decent, non-poor, non-disabled, tax-paying, Jesus- worshiping, heterosexual human beings. Again, these are facts and are inerrant in their truth. To deny this is to admit ones own laziness and to brand oneself as a liberal, leftist, snowflake, whining, Hillary-loving, anti-American hack.
To conclude, America will never be free for decent, non-poor, non-gay, Christian humans until enough gas chambers and crematoriums are built to “eliminate” the blight of lazy bastards like the poor and the “gay” from the face of the earth. This can best be done under the all-loving embrace of a Christian theocratic government where the love of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, is placed above the hideous laziness of the poor, the gay, the disabled and the gay, disabled poor.
A Vote For Me Is A Vote For Christ
MAFA. Make America Free Again in 2020. Vote for me, and help me gas and cremate the poor, the gay, the non-Christian, the disabled and, most importantly, the poor, gay, non-Christian disabled folks who tarnish America’s greatness with their lazy stench and sickening lifestyle.
Yours in Christ’s love, The Arm Chair Pontificator.
P.S. I forgot to mention, we also need to gas and cremate anyone seeking or talking about getting or performing an abortion. These LAZY people, if you can truly even call them “people”, clearly do not deserve the love of Christ or to be anywhere near true, decent, Jesus-loving Americans. Have a lovely day, and remember: Vote for The Arm Chair Pontificator in 2020 so we can begin to bring my dream of a pure, non-lazy America to fruition by wiping out those less worthy, and far more lazy, than we, ourselves, are. $Amen$
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Liar Land, Washington. Disciple for Christ and gay genitalia specialist, Jack M’Cockov, has been hired by Grace Church Seattle’s very own Katy Faust to inspect the anuses and privy parts of every Church member to be certain they are not gay, lesbian, trans-gendered, liberal, or Democrats. The first person who will have his anus and privy parts examined for signs of gayness will be none other than the senior pastor and elder of the Church, Ryan Faust, Katy’s husband. “I know this may seem a bit odd for anyone who isn’t a devout, loving follower of the Lord, Jesus Christ,” Mr. M’Cockov said earlier, “but Jesus hates fags, and he’s personally given Mrs. Faust the task to ensure they are discriminated against, legally and publicly, as much as humanly possible, throughout the world. Recently, whilst in the midst of practicing one of her tyrannical and fib-filled speeches about the horrors of gay marriage with her husband, who also hates gays, she noticed that he, himself, kinda looked…well, he kinda looked…..gay. Mrs. Faust immediately called me after noticing this because….well….because you can’t very well go around bashing gays and gay marriage if your gay-hating, proselytizing husband is secretly gay. Imagine the shame and embarrassment of that?! She also realized, that, even though Grace Church Seattle members are assumed to not be gay when they join the Church, it’s entirely possible some of them might be gay anyway. Again, we can’t have that. So, I was hired to sniff the anuses and genitalia of every Church member to check them for the scent of gayness.”
Gay Genitalia Specialist, Jack M’Cockov, Relaxing Before Inspecting The Anuses And Privy Parts Of Grace Church Seattle Members.
“I learned my gay-sniffing skill from a Catholic priest who used to take me camping when I was 10,” Mr. M’Cockov said. “He’d have me crawl into a sleeping bag with him and play, Sniff The Weenie And The Poopie, a game he swore would heighten my senses and protect me from perverts and gays throughout my entire life. Well, it worked. And it’s now a skill Mrs. Faust has hired me to use to sniff out the gays and perverts who might very well be lurking within the doors of her very own Church. Let’s hope Mr. Faust isn’t one of them, however. I can’t imagine Katy spreading her vile form of bigotry and hatred without his help. I’ll be publishing a very public paper on my findings when I’m finished sniffing around, so watch for it. Until then, may the all-encompassing love of Jesus Christ surround you, and keep you free from prejudice, each and every day of your lives. Amen”