Tag Archives: Florida

07.19.15
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Texas Killed By Assassin’s Bullet

The Great, Conservative State Of Texas Was Killed Today By An Assassins Bullet That Authorities Believe Was Fired From A Tall Building Somewhere Near The New Mexico/Texas Border. Texas Is Survived By Its Fellow Southern, Conservative States, Florida & Mississippi. Funeral Services For Texas Will Be Held This Wednesday On The Oklahoma/Texas Border From 8AM Until 7PM, CST. After Services, The Murdered State Will Be Cut Free Of The Mainland And Set Adrift In The Gulf Of Mexico Will It Will Be Blown To Bits By The Fire Power Of A Thousand Drones Armed With Nuclear Missals. Rest In Peace, Texas. Your Conservative, Self-Righteous, Christian Bullshit Will Surely Be Missed By All Who Knew You.

The Great, Conservative State Of Texas Was Killed Today By An Assassin’s Bullet That Authorities Believe Was Fired From A Tall Building Somewhere Near The New Mexico/Texas Border. Texas Is Survived By Its Fellow Southern, Conservative States, Florida & Mississippi. Funeral Services For Texas Will Be Held This Wednesday On The Oklahoma/Texas Border From 8AM Until 7PM, CST. After Services, The Murdered State Will Be Cut Free Of The Mainland And Set Adrift On The Gulf Of Mexico Where It Will Be Blown To Bits By The Fire-Power Of A Thousand Drones Armed With A Thousand Nuclear Missiles.   Rest In Peace, Texas. Your Conservative, Self-Righteous, Gun-Toting, Christian Bullshit Will Surely Be Missed By All Who Knew You.

03.18.14
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Gay Porn Googled Most In Homophobic Southern States

Here’s an interesting video from “The David Pakman Show” about the plethora of gay porn that is apparently being Googled and viewed by our homophobic friends in Southern anti-gay marriage states like Mississippi, Georgia, and Florida. Check it out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2iP1ciJWL0&list=UUvixJtaXuNdMPUGdOPcY8Ag

As regular readers of this intellectually stimulating and highly under-stated blog may already know, I despise homophobes and anti-gay marriage Christians more than just about anything on this Earth. I hate them. A lot. They bother me. They’re bigoted fuck-faces who hide behind Jesus in order to justify their hate of those they fear they themselves may actually be: same-sex cock suckers and pussy lickers. This video tells an interesting story, doesn’t it? While they condemn and deny the rights of marriage to gays in the daylight, at night, these Southern State Christian homophobes wank off to gay porn. A lot. I’m telling you, the best solution to homophobia is mandatory same-sex fucking for everyone on their 18th birthday. They don’t have to like it, but everyone has to do it. Maybe that way, this stupid fucking hatred of people based solely on who they fuck will end. And even if it doesn’t completely end, I’m sure as fuck bettin’ my suggestion will greatly reduce it.  Thank you for reading. And please, refrain from smoking while the ride is motion. P.S. I’ve been held prisoner by the Nobel Prize Committee in Geneva, Switzerland this past week. A post about my experience will follow shortly.

11.28.13
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Texas And Florida Devoured By Giant Turkeys

Giant Turkeys Like These Devoured Florida And Texas

That Was Yummy!

A devastating blow against Christian Conservatives and Tea Party advocates alike was struck this morning when Giant Turkeys materialized simultaneously in Texas and Florida and completely devoured both states.  Nothing remains where the two states once stood but a light covering of Giant Turkey shit.  Before returning from whence they came, the leader of the Giant Turkeys, Mr. Gobble Yercock,  gave an insightful, informative interview to TACP’s editor ‘n chief, me.  The transcript of this interview, without any embellishment by TACP, is presented below.

TACP:  Let me begin, Mr. Gobble Yercock, by saying, what a fucking entrance! Yesterday no one knew Giant Turkeys even existed, and today, BAM! You’ve devoured both Texas and Florida and it isn’t even noon yet. Impressive, most impressive.

Giant Turkey Leader, Mr. Gobble Yercock

Giant Turkey Leader, Mr. Gobble Yercock

Gobble Yercock: Well, what can I say. We’re a dramatic entrance bunch, we Giant Turkeys. We specialize in the eradication of parasitic conservative vermin via consumption as soon as their presence becomes known to us.  We live in the realm between realms ( I had to write that) where all sentient beings work to ensure all sentient beings are treated as equal sentient beings.  We have a kick ass health care system, and we allow all beings to believe in whatever fantastic invisible deities they wish as long as they never once try to impose said deities onto anyone else not wishing to hear about them.

TACP: Does that really work?  I mean, here in America, we actually have the words “SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE” written into our Constitution, but in reality, nothing could be further from the truth.

Gobble Yercock: Oh, it works because the only crime one can be sentenced to death for where I come from is the crime of forcing one’s faith onto another. Do that, and you die. Period. The act of forcing a mythological deity onto others produces a foul smell which transgresses the barriers of space and time. We’re rather sensitive to that smell. That’s why we ate Texas and Florida this morning. The Right Wing Christian Conservative stench drifting from those two states was so vile it drifted into the realm between realms and was making us sick.  We took care of that I’d say, eh? And we’re coming back for a few more U.S. states in a few weeks. Then it’ll be on to the Middle East for us. But first, we have to digest all the Conservative bullshit we swallowed this morning.

TACP: Sounds great. Well, have a great Thanksgiving, Mr. Gobble Yercock, and thanks for doing what you do.

Gobble Yercock: No problem. See you soon. Gobble! Gobble! Gobble!