Katy Faust Of Grace Church Seattle Falls In Love With Kangaroo

Grace Church Seattle's Katy Faust Says, "Ya, So I'm In Love With A Kangaroo. You Got A Problem With That?"

Grace Church Seattle’s Katy Faust Says, “Yeah, So I’m In Love With A Kangaroo.  Ya Got A Problem With That?”

Fiction City, Australia.    While trashing gay marriage on the Australian TV show, QandA, last night, Katy Faust of Grace Church Seattle, an anti-gay, Christian church in Washington State, admitted she will be divorcing her husband, pastor and elder of Grace Church, Ryan Faust, because she has fallen madly in love with a kangaroo named Bouncy.  “I never thought I would ever find an animal attractive, let alone fall in love with one,” Mrs. Faust said earlier, “but when I met Bouncy, while touring the Outback a few days ago, all of that changed.  He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man.  He’s able to jump, like, 6 feet into the air and use his hind legs to put a serious whippin’ on anyone who disagrees with me and my bigoted views on gay people and gay marriage.

Bouncy The Kangaroo, Katy Faust's New Love Interest

Bouncy The Kangaroo, Katy Faust’s New Love Interest

The only real issue I had with Bouncy was that he was a Jew, and I find Jews to be almost as distasteful as I do gays.  BLOODY CHRIST KILLERS!  However, because he loves me so much, Bouncy agreed to convert to my particular sect of Christianity and has joined me in my worldwide campaign to stomp, get it stomp, out gay marriage wherever it rears its ugly head.  So, wish us luck, and please, support us in our efforts to find acceptance in a world that, all too cruelly, shuns those who are different.  Thanks, and have a hoppin’ day.”

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Grace Church Seattle To Implement A Genitalia Inspection For All Members

 

gracechurch

Liar Land, Washington.  Disciple for Christ and gay genitalia specialist, Jack M’Cockov, has been hired by Grace Church Seattle’s very own Katy Faust to inspect the anuses and privy parts of every Church member to be certain they are not gay, lesbian, trans-gendered, liberal, or Democrats.  The first person who will have his anus and privy parts examined for signs of gayness will be none other than the senior pastor and elder of the Church, Ryan Faust, Katy’s husband.   “I know this may seem a bit odd for anyone who isn’t a devout, loving follower of the Lord, Jesus Christ,” Mr. M’Cockov said earlier, “but Jesus hates fags, and he’s personally given Mrs. Faust the task to ensure they are discriminated against, legally and publicly, as much as humanly possible, throughout the world.  Recently, whilst in the midst of practicing one of her tyrannical and fib-filled speeches about the horrors of gay marriage with her husband, who also hates gays, she noticed that he, himself, kinda looked…well, he kinda looked…..gay.  Mrs. Faust immediately called me after noticing this because….well….because you can’t very well go around bashing gays and gay marriage if your gay-hating, proselytizing husband is secretly gay.  Imagine the shame and embarrassment of that?!  She also realized, that, even though Grace Church Seattle members are assumed to not be gay when they join the Church, it’s entirely possible some of them might be gay anyway.  Again, we can’t have that.  So, I was hired to sniff the anuses and genitalia of every Church member to check them for the scent of gayness.”

Gay Genitalia Specialist, Jack M'Cockov, Relaxing Before Inspecting The Anuses And Privy Parts Of Grace Church Of Seattle Members.

Gay Genitalia Specialist, Jack M’Cockov, Relaxing Before Inspecting The Anuses And Privy Parts Of Grace Church Seattle Members.

I learned my gay-sniffing skill from a Catholic priest who used to take me camping when I was 10,” Mr. M’Cockov said.  “He’d have me crawl into a sleeping bag with him and play, Sniff The Weenie And The Poopie, a game he swore would heighten my senses and protect me from perverts and gays throughout my entire life.  Well, it worked.  And it’s now a skill Mrs. Faust has hired me to use to sniff out the gays and perverts who might very well be lurking within the doors of her very own Church.   Let’s hope Mr. Faust isn’t one of them, however.  I can’t imagine Katy spreading her vile form of bigotry and hatred without his help.  I’ll be publishing a very public paper on my findings when I’m finished sniffing around, so watch for it.  Until then, may the all-encompassing love of Jesus Christ surround you, and keep you free from prejudice, each and every day of your lives.  Amen”

My Solutions To Homophobia

I’m really sick of listening to homophobic, hate-filled bullshit from Christians and Conservatives. Fucking sick of it. Though I’m not gay myself, I’ve seen gays portrayed in TV shows and in movies. From these portrayals, I’ve come to understand that gay people are actually just humans, no different from myself, except for the cock sucking and man-gina riding, that is. This being said, I’ve come to the conclusion that homophobia is a severe mental illness: A mental illness from which humanity must be cured if it is to survive. Let me tell you my plan for curing it.

First, I must gain the power of a god and become ruler of America. Once I do this, and it may take a while because it’s never been done before, I’ll make the following decrees which, in time, will eliminate homophobia.

Me As God

Me As God

1.) On their 18th birthday, every person, whether or not they’ve done it already, MUST have sex with a member of the same-sex. Girls will lick pussy, and boys will suck cock. Some will like it, and some will really not like it, but all will do it. This way, every man will have sucked dick, and every woman will have suckled on a pussy at least once in their life. After this, it’s up to the individual if they liked it enough to do it again, or not. The point is, EVERYONE will have to do it.

We Gotta Do It. Try To Have Fun

We Gotta Do It. Try To Have Fun

2.) If, at any point in a person’s life after this, they utter a homophobic comment, or worse yet, make such a comment because they claim some imaginary god hates gays, they will have to have sex with a member of the same-sex for the rest of their lives or simply not have sex. This way, no matter how much someone may think they hate gays, they will hate me far more if they don’t change their thinking.

The Only Sex Allowed For Homophobes

The Only Sex Allowed For Homophobes

3.) Every religion that states its god hates gays will be dissolved. Period. Actually, every religion stating it is correct and others are wrong will be dissolved. So, if a religion makes you happy to practice it, yippy for you. Practice it. Just remember, you will not be allowed to judge and condemn anyone because of it. Period. Shut up and enjoy your religion nicely, or I’ll wipe it out. Kapeesh?

Things I'd Do If I Were God

Things I’d Do If I Were God

And there you have it. My solutions to homophobia. Imperious Rex!

Giant Monster Resembling Bill Clinton Aborts Texas From U.S.

 Smoldering Hole Where Texas Once Was

Smoldering Hole Where Texas Once Was

An angry giant monster, bearing a haunting resemblance to Bill Clinton, rose up out of the Gulf of Mexico this morning and aborted the entire state of Texas from the North American continent.  The giant beast used what appeared to be a massive blender and literally pulverized the entire state into mush with it.  Nothing remains of the state now except a smoldering hole where it once was, and a cowboy hat believed to have been worn by George Bush Sr the night George Jr was conceived.  The giant Clinton-like monster returned to the Gulf when it was done and vanished as quickly as it had appeared.  The Tea Party released a brief statement blaming the entire event on Obama Care and gay marriage.

An Interview With Darth Vader

While in town to promote his new cologne, “Scent of An Iron Lung,” Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader, took a few minutes to answer questions for “Tribune” political reporter, Sally Getmeoff.  A transcript of the interview is presented below.

Tribune Political Reporter, Sally Getmeoff With Darth Vader

Tribune Political Reporter, Sally Getmeoff With Darth Vader

Sally: Thank you for letting me interview you, Lord Vader.

Vader: Your thanks are not required. But your loyalty to the Dark Side of the Force is.

Sally: That is actually a good lead in for my first question. Many Conservative Christians see the legalization of gay marriage as a dark, almost evil occurrence. What are your thoughts on gay marriage?

Vader: Gay marriage is insignificant compared to the POWER of the FORCE! To the Sith, POWER is all that matters. We do not attempt to hide that fact behind a smoke screen of self-righteous intent as your “Christians” do. They foolishly believe their faith makes them powerful when, in fact, it shows them for the weak, imbecilic fools they truly are.

Sally: Fascinating. For my next question, I’d like you to give us your thoughts on Obama Care. Do you agree with many conservatives that it boarders on socialism or even fascism by the Obama administration?

Vader: When it comes to dictatorial forms of government, conservatives are but the learners, and I AM THEIR MASTER! They will all kneel before me when I proclaim myself Emperor and Master of their pathetic world. THIS is the way of the Sith.  As is providing decent medical coverage to everyone in said Empire. For what good is an Empire that doesn’t provide decent medical coverage for all its subjects, rich and poor?

Sally: Good question, Lord Vader. Good question, indeed. Now for my last question. What is your opinion on the use of armed drones in the fight against terrorism in the Middle East?

Vader: To kill that coldly, with an unmanned aircraft piloted safely from thousands of miles away, is truly the path to the Dark Side of the Force. I can FEEL the ANGER these drones create in their victims. It gives them FOCUS. It makes them POWERFUL. It fuels their desire for REVENGE!  It makes an end to senseless killing a complete impossibility.  And for that I say, thank you America.   Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to meet my son, Luke, for dinner, and I need to polish my helmet before I do. A pristine image is always a must for the Sith.

Sally: Thank you again, Lord Vader, and good luck in your ongoing war with the Jedi.

Jodie Foster Marries Girlfriend, Christian Bigots Silent

Jodie Foster married her girlfriend, photographer Alexandra Hedison, last weekend and the bigoted world of Christendom has remained silent about it. Knowing full well of the hatred, fear and disdain many Christians have toward homosexuals, and gay marriage in particular, I was curious as to why this was. So I contacted Reverend Tom Diddelsman, a spokesman for the Texas-based anti-gay organization, “Christians United In Love To Hate Fags,” to ask him why this was. Here’s what he said.

Newly Weds Jodie Foster And Alexandra Hedison

Newly Weds Jodie Foster And Alexandra Hedison

“In case you haven’t noticed, you pontificating know it all, Jodie Foster isn’t a faggot. Hell, man, she ain’t even a dyke! Look at ‘er! She’s pretty. And so’s the gal she’s taking turns munching carpets with. That ain’t gross. That’s hot! You gotta be some kind of a penis hungry faggot not to see how hot it is. That kinda thing we need more of. God didn’t smash Sodom to rubble and kill every man, woman, and child in it cause hot babes were sixty-ninin’! He did it cause groups of faggot men were gang rapin’ male visitors to the city. Hell, they even tried rapin’ the damn angels God sent to destroy it! Friggin’ faggots! Make me sick.

Good Kiss

Good Kiss

Only thing that we Christians hate almost, and I emphasize ALMOST, as much as faggots are bull dykes. You know, carpet munchin’ ladies who look more like men than women. Them we hate. But pretty, feminine lookin’ women who carpet munch? No sir, them we definitely do not hate. It’s all logical once you see what Jesus wants. He wants what makes the cocks of heterosexual Christian males tingle with lust to be accepted and what doesn’t to be despised. It’s only marriages between two faggots that we’re against cause, shit, it’s gross imagining two buff, sweaty, naked, hunks pounding their long, thick erect penises in and out of each others gaping man holes in a loving, wedded relationship

Bad Kiss

Bad Kiss

Who could think such a scenario is acceptable? But marriage between two smokin’ hot babes who live for no other purpose than to make each other writhe in orgasm via long, slow, wet cunnilingus, is completely acceptable and, in many cases, quite desirable. Hope this has been helpful, and be sure to let me know if you need clarification on anything else that Jesus wants. Have a great day basking in Christ’s love. A love which he shines equally on all God’s people. Amen.”

Gay Porn Googled Most In Homophobic Southern States

Here’s an interesting video from “The David Pakman Show” about the plethora of gay porn that is apparently being Googled and viewed by our homophobic friends in Southern anti-gay marriage states like Mississippi, Georgia, and Florida. Check it out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2iP1ciJWL0&list=UUvixJtaXuNdMPUGdOPcY8Ag

As regular readers of this intellectually stimulating and highly under-stated blog may already know, I despise homophobes and anti-gay marriage Christians more than just about anything on this Earth. I hate them. A lot. They bother me. They’re bigoted fuck-faces who hide behind Jesus in order to justify their hate of those they fear they themselves may actually be: same-sex cock suckers and pussy lickers. This video tells an interesting story, doesn’t it? While they condemn and deny the rights of marriage to gays in the daylight, at night, these Southern State Christian homophobes wank off to gay porn. A lot. I’m telling you, the best solution to homophobia is mandatory same-sex fucking for everyone on their 18th birthday. They don’t have to like it, but everyone has to do it. Maybe that way, this stupid fucking hatred of people based solely on who they fuck will end. And even if it doesn’t completely end, I’m sure as fuck bettin’ my suggestion will greatly reduce it.  Thank you for reading. And please, refrain from smoking while the ride is motion. P.S. I’ve been held prisoner by the Nobel Prize Committee in Geneva, Switzerland this past week. A post about my experience will follow shortly.