Conspiracy Expert, Alex Jones Says September Isn’t Real

Right Wing Conspiracy Expert, Alex Jones

Right Wing Conspiracy Expert, Alex Jones

Land of the Iron Heads, Maryland.    Right wing conspiracy expert, Alex Jones announced today that the month of September isn’t real and is, instead, proof that Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and singer Tom Jones are powerful, mind-controlling wizards who are trying to turn conservatives into hamsters.  “It’s true,” Mr. Jones said earlier.   “September is simply a smoke screen created by Obama, Clinton, and Tom Jones to confuse conservatives whilst they sneak up on us and use their powerful magic to turn us into Hamsters.”  When told that this theory made absolutely no sense, Jones replied, “Saying the theory makes no sense is the same thing as shouting out to the world, ‘I’m a liberal dog, and I want to see conservatives turned into hamsters!’ ”  When then asked to explain, if September isn’t real, then what month are we in right now, Jones retorted,  “Obviously, only liberal idiots don’t know we’re still in August, the only month of the year with 62 days.   Get with the program, or admit you’d like to see conservatives like me turned into hamsters.”   The interview ended with me agreeing that, yes, I would indeed like to see conservatives like Mr. Jones turned into hamsters.   Jones then threw some shredded hay he’d been nibbling on at me and exited the interview.

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “Conspiracy Expert, Alex Jones Says September Isn’t Real

  1. turn conservatives into hamsters………… you mean they are not ???? oh my worldview is shattered, help me William Shatner , have Scotty beam me up, the atmosphere here is to thick to breathe. Or just have spock kiss me , it will do the same benefit, I will be in heaven. Hugs

    Like

  2. Jones did not get it right. September is real but it’s November which isn’t. In particular November 20th does not exist. Or is that because I use to drink 5 bottles of scotch at the 19th?

    Like

  3. I always thought the month with the longest days in a year was January. They are two now! The things one learns

    Like

  4. Conservatives can’t do comedy, but they sure have nailed conspiracy.

    Like

  5. Jones and Trump are joined at the hip…

    Like

  6. Hahahahaha. Absolutely brilliant. Well done that man.

    esme laughing a lot upon the Cloud

    Like

Comments are closed.