Trump Pardons Self After Farting In White House

Poo-Poo Town, North Dakota.    Donald Trump pardoned himself after farting loudly in a busy corridor of the White House this morning.  “Yeah, I blasted a good one, if I must say so myself,” Trump said earlier.  “I had Chipotle burritos for dinner last night, and the things were LOADED with gas-producing pinto beans.  Don’t get me wrong, they tasted great, but they almost immediately turned to toxic fart gas in my colon after I ate ’em.  So, I pardon myself for blasting smelly farts this morning in the White House that literally had people running for the doors to get fresh air.   Like my Pops used to say to me, ‘Lil Donny,’ he’d say, ‘make sure you say, pardon me, after you blast smelly farts in public or people might think you’re rude.  And that, ‘Lil Donny, is something you never, ever want people to think about you.'”

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Increase In Farting As US Election Draws Near

Farting Increases As US Election Draws Near

Farting Increases As US Election Draws Near

Colon City, Nebraska.   Scientists at NASA are reporting a worldwide increase in farting as the US Presidential election draws near.  “I was in Montreal yesterday,” said NASA scientist Billy “The Nebula” Sunspot.   “And the air there was so rancid from all the farting I thought I was going to lose my eyesight.   Every person I passed let out an enormous fart.  The same phenomena has been reported to be happening all over the globe.  People are afraid to leave their homes for fear they’ll pass out from the stench of the farts that they themselves are contributing to.   The only logical reason for this, we scientists at NASA  have concluded, is the gastrointestinal distress the citizens of the earth are experiencing due to the upcoming US election.   We can offer only this advice to a world of people suffering from constant farting and fart-induced nasal trauma: It’s almost over.  Two more days, and it’ll be finished.  So, just be patient, and soon, the world will return to place where people fart only occasionally and not all at once.”