Hi Y’all! I’m The Ghost Of Christmas Present. I Appear In The Next Post
Here is more of the script to TACP’s production of “A Christmas Carol”. Left out of the credits by accident on the last post was that George W Bush is playing The Ghost of Christmas Present, and an Academy Award for sheer genius is all but signed, sealed, and delivered for this tear jerking, and poignant production.
Scene Two: Scrooge has been taken to the past by the Ghost of Christmas Past. They are sitting in the back of an Evangelical Church listening to a preacher, played by Mitt Romney in the film, pontificate on the meaning of Christmas to an 8-year-old Scrooge who listens spellbound to him after having asked the Preacher why Christmas is important.
Preacher: And, my son, it is without question that YOU WILL BURN IN HELL FOREVER should you even THINK of questioning what I tell you. JEESSUUSSS was born today because UUUUUUU!! were born EVIIIILLLL and full of SATAN! You are SOOOOO evil, my young doe-eyed 8-year-old boy, that Jesuuuss will have to be grotesquely tortured for an entire day, then be nailed to a cross, where he’ll suffer inexplicable agony for three hours before dying, in order for your dark, sick soul to have a chance at salvation. That is how sick and evil YOU are. Hope that answers your question, son. Have a Merry Christmas, Ebenezer. And say hello to your folks for me, OK? [ The young boy walks out of frame with his head down and we cut to a close up on old Scrooge].
Man, Scrooge Is Hard To Reach!
Scrooge: I thought Romney was a Mormon. What’s he doing playing a real Christian?
Ghost: That isn’t the point here, Mr. Scrooge. Didn’t you get the blatant, beat you over the head message of what you just witnessed?
Scrooge: That I was a smart ass kid who asked questions of his elders he should’ve already known the answers to?
Ghost: Man, this is gonna be harder than winning my second term in office was. You are a tough nut to crack, sir.
Scrooge: Did you just call me a cracker?!
Ghost: Oh, cut it out, will you, already! Come on, Scrooge. Take my hand. I’m taking you back to the present. Maybe my friend, The Ghost of Christmas Present, will have better luck getting through to you and helping you become less of a dick.
Scrooge: Since I HAVE to hold your hand, I hope you don’t mind if I wear a mitten. [Scrooge pulls an enormous mitten out of his pocket and places it on his hand before taking the Ghost’s hand. The two then blink out of frame and we go to black.]
End scene two. More to come.
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Mitt will not be happy about this and Pat will be asking for a bed to be made ready for you in hell
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My friend, I’ve got a luxury bridal suite waiting for me in Hell.
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Now I understand why you so want to ensure that reservation is not changed, see you there
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When we get there, I’ll buy you a beer. Though I hear the beer there is kinda warm.
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Maybe we will find a way of making ice cubes. I love my beer chilled
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I’ve read about some versions of Hell where it is a frozen waste land. Maybe we’ll get lucky and wind up in that version. First beer’s still on me in any case.
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In that case we will need to make a fire, cold beer while seating around a fire telling stories is a good way to spend eternity
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I agree. I’ll be sure to bring hot dogs and burgers too.
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This would word so very well in animation.
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Wouldn’t IT though. I think the CGI animation that’s used a lot these days would be best. You know, the stuff that still looks like a cartoon but is made with computer software.
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I was thinking Southpark style
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That would work well, too. Though rumor has it that Robertson is actually already a CGI character created by Conservatives just to aggravate people like me.
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LOL 🙂
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I meant to say, wouldn’t it though. Typos suck like a priest hunting down an 8 year old boy to fuck.
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