Scene: Early morning in Scrooge’s living room. Scrooge is seated on a recliner reading a copy of Machiavelli’s “The Prince.” The Ghost of Christmas Present, played by George W. Bush, slowly comes crawling out from under a big couch holding a decimated french fry. Scrooge looks up from his book just as the Ghost stands up.
Ghost: Well I’ll be a liberal’s gay uncle! All I found under there was a fry! I was told you had WMD’s hidden under there by The Ghost of Christmas Past. Guess I should’ve verified that before I went snooping around under another man’s couch. Oh well, live and learn, eh? How are you Mr. Scrooge?
Scrooge: Not happy! Haven’t you ghosts ever heard of a damn door? First the window entrance, and now this. And the only WMD I have here is the Bible, which gives me the moral justification to condemn and judge others as I deem fit. That, my friend, is a powerful weapon when combined with great wealth, a lack of empathy toward others, being male, and the blessing of having lily-white skin covering your bones.
Ghost: You have a point there, but, I’m here to see if there is any humanity left inside that crusty, nasty, shriveled heart of yours. So, take my hand as I take you to neighborhoods and cities around the world where people are hungry, sick, and have no access to medical care.
Scrooge: OK, I’ll go, but if it’s a donation to some charity your after you can fuck yourself. Prayer is all the poor need. That and to not to be so fucking poor all the time.
[A musical montage follows with Scrooge and the Ghost visiting about 75-80% of the places on our planet where humans live. Poor, sick, and starving children are seen as John Williams theme to “Superman” plays (That’s the only music I could get the rights to for this movie, so piss off if you don’t think it fits.) The music then slowly fades as the two characters return to Scrooge’s living room.]
Ghost: Well, Mr. Scrooge, how do you feel now about the state of the world and the people in it?
Scrooge: I have to take a massive piss, that’s how I feel. I had to since we were flying over Hong Kong but you were too damn busy pointing out poor people to pay any attention to me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna pee, pray, then read more of Machiavelli’s “The Prince.” It’s helping me get better at smiling while I’m telling everyone that God favors me with money and privilege just because he likes me more than them.
Ghost: Wow. You are a friggin’ stone, sir, a real solid piece of emotional granite. Hopefully, the Ghost of Christmases Yet to Come can scare some empathy into you. He’s excellent at doing that. He’ll be here tomorrow sometime.
Scrooge: Just tell him to use the god damn door when he gets here, alright?!
End scene 3. To be continued.