Self Portrait Of Me Meditating On My Faith

Since my Faith gives me a superiority over the rest of humanity, I decided it was time I did something I’ve always wanted to do: act in a “Star Wars” movie. Yesterday, I went to open auditions for the new “Star Wars” film which are currently being held in Bristol, England.  Though I live in Chicago, and open auditions for said film will soon be held here, I decided spending a grand or two to fly to England and audition made more sense. My Faith works in mysterious ways like that. I just know it’s always right though, cause it’s Faith, and doesn’t require reason or evidence to be true.  Anyway, when I got to the audition, I expected to be recognized for the Faith-filled, Nobel Prize winning, genius I am. I wasn’t.

I expected the casting directors to swoon the moment they realized me, a man of true Faith, had decided to be in their “little” film.  But I was treated no differently than the others around me also auditioning. My Faith immediately told me this was wrong. “You are special, my child, because of ME, your Faith. The beliefs of others are evil if they can not see this. So leave this place because one day, all those without YOUR Faith will burn.” Well, that made perfectly sound sense to me, so I came home. The money I spent on plane tickets was well worth it because it reinforced the truth for me. My Faith was indeed the one true Faith, and those not believing in it were going to burn. I really like my Faith.