Aliens Arrive On Earth And Insist We Convert To Their Religion

An advanced extraterrestrial race arrived at the White House last night proclaiming they’ve come thousands of light years to free us from the chains of our false religions by enlightening us to the only true religion in all the cosmos: theirs.

Alien Fundamentalist Religious Zealots

Alien Fundamentalist Religious Zealots

“This fucking sucks ass,” President Obama said earlier today. “I mean COME ON!!!! We finally make contact with an advanced extraterrestrial species and they turn out to be nothing more than a bunch of fundamentalist religious zealots hell bent on converting the whole planet to their religion. We have enough of that type of shit already. We most certainly do not need more of it.  And most certainly NOT from an advanced extraterrestrial species so far beyond us, we’re like ants by comparison. In other words folks, this is one religion we will have no choice BUT to accept should they insist on it. Man, this really fucking sucks!”

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12 thoughts on “Aliens Arrive On Earth And Insist We Convert To Their Religion

  1. Bummer…those aliens and their ‘grey supremacism’ (I’m assuming they’re grey, because I’ve seen E.T.)

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    • Oh, yea, they’re grey of course. And I’ll prove it to you. Since something can’t come from nothing, and something that is something HAD to have been created by something, all aliens are grey. Also, this somehow all relates to the Christian Bible.

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    • You should start your own church! Your line of thinking has blown my mind and I am now gullible beyond repair. Imagine the power you’d have if you could do this on a large scale!
      Amen!

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    • I could. I kid you not, I could sell people the Golden Gate Bridge and they wouldn’t know I ripped ’em off til they went to ‘Frisco to claim the bridge.

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  2. Damn, I do believe you have to turn this in a film. Seriously… what a fucking brilliant idea!! At least write a short: the first spotting of the alien craft out past the moon; the anticipation; the panic; the wonder; the arrival; the news… “I’m wondering if you have a moment to talk about our Lord and savior, Zartron”

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  3. Do they have a holy book? That could be in their favor.

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    • Naw. Just one big stone with the words. “Believe everything you hear from the guy holding me or he’ll use me to bash your head in.” Not as long as the Bible, but a lot less nebulous, wouldn’t you agree.

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  4. Or would we worship these ETs as our new gods?

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    • Since they’d be real and not invisible and living an a fairy land, I’d have to say, “No.” Most likely we would deny them the right to marry because, after all, they’d be DIFFERENT than us. We’d also spend an amazing amount of time worrying that those with the same genitals never fondled, kissed or fucked one another. You know, cause that’s REALLY important. Then we’d find a way to kill them and say god said we had to. Yep, that’s what we’d do. Unless of course the aliens, being more advanced than us, killed us first.

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