Look Out Below!
Chicago, Illinois. A Chicago man today became deeply distraught when he was pooped on by a large bird while waiting for a bus. “It was horrible,” said the man in question, Jimmy John-John Muckinheimer The Third. “I was minding my own business, waiting for the bus, when suddenly, from outta nowhere, a big white bird flies over my head and relieves itself all over my left shoulder. The woman standing next to me almost passed out from shock as I screamed, ‘Oh my f-ing Lord, I’ve been shit on by a bird!’ After regaining somewhat of my composure, and assuring the woman I was unharmed, I called 911 to report the incident. I must say, the 911 operator seemed almost annoyed by my call but, he did send out a patrol car to check on the situation. I missed two buses while waiting for the police to arrive, but when they did, they helped me clean the poop off my shoulder with a wet-wipe, took down my statement, and told me they’d keep an eye out for the bird least the crazy beast shit on someone else. I gotta tell ya’, livin’ in a big city like Chicago has its advantages, but big-ass birds shittin’ on ya’ ain’t one of ’em.”
