What Do You Mean, English Isn’t An American Creation?

In unsurprising news today, Oxford University released its findings on a 13 month study which confirmed the embarrassing fact most Americans are unaware the English language originated in ENGLAND and not New Jersey. “Wow!” said Nancy Silliasskiss, an American. “England? People there sound, like, so fucking weird. Hell, I’d even say, effeminate, if I weren’t a lady myself. No fucking way my language started there! Someone’s fuckin’ with me. Right?”   “The sad case is,” said Oxford Professor, John Stuckupagus, “is that so many Americans are so poorly educated, and so arrogant at the same time, little in the world makes much sense to them at all, and they blame those who point this out to them for, well, pointing this out to them. Our prognosis for America is very poor. Do you realize there are groups there who literally deny the science of evolution and are vehemently fighting for creationism to be taught in public schools instead? Really, I’m not fucking with you. Sad, isn’t it.”