Tony Stark, aka, Iron Man, gave a tearful webcam apology this morning to fans saying he’s become too fat to wear the Iron Man armor and will be selling it on E-bay. “I’m so terribly sorry this has happened,” Mr. Stark said while eating a jelly donut and weeping. “Ever since Pepper Potts and I broke up, I’ve been in a deep depression and my only comfort has been jelly donuts and reading this really cool blog called, The Arm Chair Pontificator. Dude who writes it is fucking brilliant! I’m nominating him for the Nobel Prize. He’s THAT smart.
Any way, the armor will go up on E-bay in the next day or two and I’m hoping someone thin enough to wear it buys it and puts it to good use. It comes with a full battery charge and a 6 month warranty against rust. I apology again to all my fans for letting myself go like this and I thank you for letting me be one of your super heroes. Wish me luck as I wish it to you. This is Tony Stark signing off. Good Bye.”