New Hero, Prurient Man, To Debut In Next Avengers Movie

“Prurient Man is gonna rock the world next summer when “Avengers: Age of Ultron” comes out,” said the film’s director, Joss Whedon, earlier today. “He’s like a cross between a sleazy strip club owner with yellow, rotting teeth and a really horned up Batman.

 Prurient Man, In Full Battle Gear, From The Back

Prurient Man, In Full Battle Gear, From The Back

His special power is to be so lurid and sexually inappropriate with any villain unfortunate enough to face him in a fight, the shame and revulsion the villain feels renders him completely powerless and emotionally crippled for life. To give fans an early teaser as to what they can expect from this new hero, here’s a bit of dialog between Prurient Man and Thor from when they first meet, early on in the film. BTW, we’re shooting for an NC17 rating on this film, so, please, stop reading right now if you’re not 17 or over. Thank you for your cooperation!”

Thor: So, mortal, Tony Stark tells me you sent 45 twelve-inch black dildos to his girlfriend, Pepper Potts, last night with a note reading, “Suck on these baby, for practice, cause tonight I’m bringing home the entire Oakland Raiders football team to fuck you in all your womanly orifices while I watch and stroke my dick. Love always, your man with the Iron Cock, Tony.” I fail to see the humor of such a prank, mortal. And frankly, the very sight of you makes me feel as if I’ve not bathe in a whole millennium.

Prurient Man: Thor, I must tell you, I’ve often fantasized about being tied, naked, and erect, to your mighty hammer, Mjolnir, while you, naked and wet from a long hot shower you’ve just shared with your brother, Loki, toss it around trying to, shall we say, toss me “off” before we gallantly go to lather and shave the privy parts of a truly incorrigible young, lady villain garbed only in a tattered pair of pink, crotchless panties and a thick, gold clit ring.

A Fully Dressed Thor With Mjolnir

A Fully Dressed Thor With Mjolnir

Thor: Odin’s beard, mortal! Do you have no shame? Still your foul tongue and say not another word, or I shall tear the accursed thing from your mouth and burn it to ash with lightning from Mjolnir!

That’s it folks. Sorry, but we gotta wait til next summer for more. However, Joss Whedon did assure us here at TACP that if you felt Prurient Man’s behavior was bad in this small scene, with a fellow hero, just wait til you see what’s in store for the villains of the film.

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10 thoughts on “New Hero, Prurient Man, To Debut In Next Avengers Movie

  1. If only this dude would join the avengers (and btw, I do believe Thor takes a shower about once in a millennium at the most; I even wrote a post about his hygiene some months ago asking him about it, if my memory serves;))…I’m pretty sure this guy could own Tony Stark in every definition of the word ‘own’.
    Also, I thought Loki was a bit of a sissy villain…this guy would make his perfect archnemesissy;)

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    • I remember your post, now that you mention it. I’m a really huge comic book geek and friggin’ love the movies. And, Chris Hemsworth, Thor, is on my “If I had to have sex with a guy, who’d I pick list.” Brad Pitt’s the other. I figure if either Pitt or Hemsworth, both whom are straight,BTW, calls me, a chunky, 47ish, straight white dude whom neither of them has any reason to know exists, and says, “Let’s fuck,” who am I to say no?

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    • Funny how you’re not the first straight guy to tell me Chris Hemsworth would be there ‘If-I-ever-have-to-do-it-with-a-guy guy’…Like Bill Maher, if I ever meet him, I’ll send him your way;)

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    • I think however, it may be Chris Hemsworth’s Thor more than Hemsworth himself who’s on the list. Always had a thing for Thor. So if you send him, tell to bring his costume. And, please, don’t forget the hammer.

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  2. I’d like to peg him 🙂

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  3. Can’t see this lot getting invited to tea and buns at the vicarage in the shires this spring thought. Fine post by the way.

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