Halloween Costumes Available At Our Online Store

The Arm Chair Pontificator online store is now offering some truly unique costumes just in time for Halloween. Check ’em out.

1.) The Tea Party Member: This little beauty consists of a three-piece suit, a loaded .45, a thumpin’ Bible, a Jesus Hates Obama, Fags, Jews, and Liberals picket sign, and a tax-exempt number you can use to buy whatever you want, tax-free, for a whole week, all for only $9.99. Act now and we’ll toss in two undocumented Hispanic domestic laborers for you to use, totally free, for as long as you wish. Note: you’ll have to feed them occasionally if you expect consistent, quality work from them.

The Tea Party Member

The Tea Party Member

2.) The Ken Ham: This baby will make you look, think, and sound just like Creation Museum founder, Ken Ham. Put it on, and the world suddenly becomes only 6000 years old; Evolution becomes a big, fat silly lie, and reasonable thinking becomes a completely antiquated mental process. All this can be yours for the biblically low price of just $7.98, plus tax. Order now, and receive an authentic picture of Jesus riding a T-Rex signed by none other than the son of God himself at no additional cost.

The Ken Ham

The Ken Ham

3.) The Wormhole: Put on the Wormhole costume; walk into a Halloween party; switch it on, and watch as your friends are sucked into a massive vortex that sends them…..??? Who the hell knows where it’ll send them! It’s a wormhole! You’ll be talked about at Halloween parties for decades to come when you wear The Wormhole costume at the big Halloween party you plan on attending this year. Inter-dimensional fun is yours for the modest price of just $8.66.

The Wormhole

The Wormhole

4.) The Non-Homophobic, Conservative Christian: Be the talk of all your bible-thumping, gay-hating pals when you slip into this one of a kind costume which allows you to be a gay tolerant Conservative Christian for as long as you wear it. We must warn you, however, that if you wear it for more than 48 hours straight, you very well may find yourself vocally supporting gay marriage rights, so beware. Show hate-filled Christians how to not hate people they don’t understand by purchasing The Non-Homophobic, Conservative Christian costume for the blessed price of just $10.99.

The Non-Homophobic Conservative Christian

The Non-Homophobic, Conservative Christian

That’s all folks. See you later!


25 thoughts on “Halloween Costumes Available At Our Online Store

  1. Thanks, Armchair P. I purchased the Wormhole and wore it to the club last night. Everyone except myself was sucked into a whirling vortex, but curiously, Ken Ham, who had come dressed as the Lindbergh baby, was spat back out in the form of a turkey. I packaged him and sent him to your address via Fed Ex. I know it’s too soon to eat him for Christmas, but Thanksgiving is just around the corner…

    You’re welcome.


  2. I’ll take a tea bagger. Having another .45 might come in handy one of these days.

    Hell, I can probably sell off the rest of the crap and make most of my money back. Your prices are pretty awesome.

    I might keep the workers around for a couple of weeks, till all the damn leaves get taken care of. Having trees is great for shade, but a real MF this time of year.


    • I’ll send it right over. It’s my personal opinion, being American and all, that every man, woman and child should be required to carry a loaded .45 at all times. Every dispute should be handled by gun fire, even those of 5 year olds fighting over candy. This way, the NRA will get its wish and watch people blaze away like idiots at each other whenever they want. After a few years, who ever is left, can have the lovely USA all to their gun lovin’ selves. That’s if there is anyone left. My crazy-ass grandpa used to always tell me, ain’t no problem so big a couple ‘o bullets can’t fix it. I think it’s time to see if he was right. God bless the USA. Bang! Bang! Thud!


  3. All more scary than anyone I saw tonight.


  4. Sign me up for The Wormhole! But, the others are funnier!


  5. You must be doing good business my friend


  6. Dear Retailer,
    I recently purchased your Ken Ham costume and it arrived promptly 6000 years later. To my surprise when I opened the box it was actually a puppet of Sarah Palin riding a dinosaur and the signature was that of Burt Reynolds. Now Im sure you will understand this is not what I ordered, so I wish for this purchase to be amended and will accept a credit note 🙂


  7. That’s about covered it then – ridiculous expression yet ‘nice one.’ Soz will have my guts for garters for that by the way!


  8. I must have the The Tea Party Member. Nothing says Ghoul more than baggers


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