All I Said Was I Heard It

I’ve been reading up on Scientology today. And I feel completely comfortable and guilt free in saying it needs to be annihilated by whatever means necessary. It isn’t a religion. It isn’t a business. It isn’t a cult. It is evil. Evil personified. It needs to be quickly and completely eliminated. An effective technique for doing this is the, “I Just Heard Offensive.” Here’s how it might work, should one choose to use it.

Scientology = Illuminati?

I just heard, earlier, that The Church of Scientology is considered by enlightened conspiracy theorists to be controlled by the Illuminati and the Trilateral Commission. Earlier, I also heard that The Church of Scientology was behind 9/11. They created a false trail to Al Qaeda and Bin Laden merely as a cover-up. It’s believed by some, or so I’ve heard, that the government was getting too close to too many Scientology secrets, so they concocted the events of 9/11 as a warning to the government to back the fuck off. At least that’s what I’ve heard.

I’ve also heard The Church of Scientology has huge orgies involving farm animals and people dressed as L. Ron Hubbard in leather bondage gear. At these orgies, Scientology members are often sodomized by pigs, sheep, horses, ducks, chickens, cats, and even barn owls, or so I’ve heard. From what people say, Church members often engage in plotting out ways to overthrow the U.S. Government while performing fellatio on cattle.

Have These Rhinos Sodomized Scientologists?

I hear this is dangerous, but then, I’ve heard Scientology members are suicidal idiots who do not fear death as long as they’ve the cock of a beast of burden in their mouth when they die. Sounds extreme, I know. But I’m only writing what I’ve heard others say. And I hope what I’ve heard gets The Church of Scientology’s attention. Why, you ask? Well, because, from what I’ve heard, they have a policy to aggressively attack anyone or any organization that is in any way critical of them. Interesting. I’ve heard I’m being critical of them right now actually. I’ve heard I want them annihilated. Go figure, eh? You know, I’ve heard that hearsay, true or not, can be really hurtful to people, as well as to evil organizations that need to be eliminated. I heard that from someone earlier. Honestly, I can’t remember who said it, but I really did hear it. Earlier.