Tag Archives: L. Ron Hubbard

02.28.14
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Annihilate Scientology With Hearsay: It’s Fair Game

All I Said Was I Heard It

All I Said Was I Heard It

I’ve been reading up on Scientology today. And I feel completely comfortable and guilt free in saying it needs to be annihilated by whatever means necessary. It isn’t a religion. It isn’t a business. It isn’t a cult. It is evil. Evil personified. It needs to be quickly and completely eliminated. An effective technique for doing this is the, “I Just Heard Offensive.” Here’s how it might work, should one choose to use it.

Scientology = Illuminati ?

Scientology = Illuminati?

I just heard, earlier, that The Church of Scientology is considered by enlightened conspiracy theorists to be controlled by the Illuminati and the Trilateral Commission. Earlier, I also heard that The Church of Scientology was behind 9/11. They created a false trail to Al Qaeda and Bin Laden merely as a cover-up. It’s believed by some, or so I’ve heard, that the government was getting too close to too many Scientology secrets, so they concocted the events of 9/11 as a warning to the government to back the fuck off. At least that’s what I’ve heard.

I’ve also heard The Church of Scientology has huge orgies involving farm animals and people dressed as L. Ron Hubbard in leather bondage gear. At these orgies, Scientology members are often sodomized by pigs, sheep, horses, ducks, chickens, cats, and even barn owls, or so I’ve heard. From what people say, Church members often engage in plotting out ways to overthrow the U.S. Government while performing fellatio on cattle.

Have These Rhinos Sodomized Scientologists?

Have These Rhinos Sodomized Scientologists?

I hear this is dangerous, but then, I’ve heard Scientology members are suicidal idiots who do not fear death as long as they’ve the cock of a beast of burden in their mouth when they die. Sounds extreme, I know. But I’m only writing what I’ve heard others say. And I hope what I’ve heard gets The Church of Scientology’s attention. Why, you ask? Well, because, from what I’ve heard, they have a policy to aggressively attack anyone or any organization that is in any way critical of them. Interesting. I’ve heard I’m being critical of them right now actually. I’ve heard I want them annihilated. Go figure, eh? You know, I’ve heard that hearsay, true or not, can be really hurtful to people, as well as to evil organizations that need to be eliminated. I heard that from someone earlier. Honestly, I can’t remember who said it, but I really did hear it. Earlier.

02.27.14
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Scientology Attacks Gay Marriage; A-theist Sociopath Attacks Scientology

Hello. My name is David Christiankill, I’m an a-theist and a sociopath. I’ve no empathy for the religious fundamentalist-types I torment and eventually eat. I don’t eat people because I’m an a-theist. I eats ’em ’cause I likes ’em! Tasty meat, human is. Any way, why I’m here. I look upon myself as a hand of righteous vengeance. I strike at those who seek to glorify themselves by dehumanizing others to hide the doubts they have about themselves. This article on Scientology’s attempt to legitimize itself by doing what the Christians and Muslims do best, hate gays and fight gay marriage, caught my eye. Scientology Attacks Gay Marriage as Dangerous to Society – Canada cult | Examiner.com

Me, An Atheist Sociopath

Me, An Atheist Sociopath

I realized after reading this that I’ve yet to eat a Scientology member. I pondered why this was, and here’s what I came up with. As sick, over-the-top and violent as Christianity and Islam are, I still think of them as religions, evil ones, but religions none the less. Scientology I think of as a prolapsed horse’s anus with flies buzzing around it because it smells like shit, mucous, and blood all at the same time. Excuse me for that comment, it wasn’t nasty enough to express how I truly feel, but be patient, I’m just warming up.

He' Nuttier Than Me

He’s Nuttier Than Me

So, Scientology is homophobic and disapproves of two people who love each other getting married if their privy parts match, eh? You guys really have a pair of balls, I’ll say that. Has anyone in your little cult of stupidity ever looked in a god damn mirror? Do you see religious leaders looking back out at you, or do you see what the world sees. Oafish apes who dress like humans, walk like humans, and have vile habits like humans, but most definitely are not humans. All humans I’ve ever come into contact with have had at least a shred of pride and a morsel of self-awareness. Scientology members have neither. I say this, because you fuckers are NOT a religion, and you’re insistence that you are, irritates the shit out of me.

Why Scientology Is A Joke

Why Scientology Is A Joke

You are assholes. You are stupid-heads. You are nachos with a big, “Sorry, outta cheese,”  sign on you. You are clowns who no one laughs at and wish were dead. You are a hemorrhage on the pussies and cocks of every man, woman, and child whose time you’ve wasted trying to convince you’re a religion. And you’re represented by actors whose careers you’ve destroyed by letting them associate themselves with you. In other words, you’re a joke, and you are not appreciated even for that because you’re not a funny one,  just a mundane, suicidally sad one.

I Want Alex Back!

I Want Alex Back!

Either you ass eaters change your rhetoric on gay people, and let Laura Prepon be on the WHOLE season 2 of “Orange Is The New Black,” or I’m coming for you. And  I’m going to boil you alive in olive oil, then eat you while I play graphic gay porn for you to enjoy while I do.

01.26.14
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Lazarus, The World’s First Zombie, Talks

Hi, y’all. Lazarus here. You know, the guy Jesus brought back from the dead and then quickly abandoned, that Lazarus. I’m here cause I want to tell my story, a story I’ve been waiting to tell for over 2000 years.  It hasn’t been easy people. Really, it hasn’t. One minute there I was, deader than shit, then, BAM! I wake up smelling like the bowels of Hell itself from decay, and Jesus is standing there smiling with a big-ass crowd behind him. “Jesus,” I said, “is that you?” And he answers, “Of course, chowder head. Who else could’ve brought you back to life? Aren’t you happy I did this for you?”  “Hell, no!” I answered. “I smell like rot! I’ve been dead for days, you idiot! What the Hell were you thinking? I was in Heaven. Happy. Having a beer with some babe I just KNOW was really into me. And you drag my ass back down here. For what? To show off to the crowd that you’re god? You may be a god, Jesus, but you are a childish, brat of a god if you ask me. This SUCKS! Put me the way I was you ninny, or I’m telling your Pop you need a spanking when I go back to Heaven!” Well, needless to say, that wasn’t exactly the brightest thing to say at the moment, cause Jesus did not return me to Heaven, he just flipped me off and left with his big-ass audience right behind him. I haven’t heard from him since.

Jesus! Don't Just Leave Me Here Like This, Shouts Lazarus

Jesus! Don’t Just Leave Me Here Like This, Shouts Lazarus

So, there I was, reanimated, smelling of decay, and wrapped in bandages, all alone in front of my own grave. I knew that no one in their right mind would believe me if I said I’d just been brought back from the dead by Jesus, so I pretended to be a leper and hobbled on over to the nearest leper colony called, “Grounded Parts, Etc”, and lived there, as a tailor specializing in stitching fallen body parts back on to folks seamlessly, for about two centuries. I had already been dead, so I didn’t have to fear becoming infected with leprosy or dying. In time, the stench of the grave left me, and my looks returned to normal. I greatly desired to tell my story, especially as I saw a whole religion starting to develop around Jesus, who people were saying was this all-loving awesome dude. Fuck that. I knew for a fact he wasn’t that awesome at all of a dude. He fucked me, his pal, big time. I wouldn’t trust that bastard under any circumstance, let alone with the salvation of my soul. He didn’t save mine, he fucked it over and left me here on Earth with no way back to Heaven. But I was still in a powerless position, because I knew no one would believe my story. I left the leper colony, and moved to Rome with the money I’d saved up over the centuries. I bought some land and a few slaves (Yes, slaves. It was legal then, and I was nice to them. Nicer than Jesus was to me).  Even after Rome fell, I was able to keep my land and I grew very, very rich over the years.

I Wonder Where Jesus Is Off To?

I Wonder Where Jesus Is Off To?

I’ve lived through the rise and fall of Empires. I’ve seen man go from riding horses to flying in airplanes, and I’ve witnessed the rise and now decline of religions built on the falsehood that Jesus was a savior of some sort, that he was tortured and killed for our sins, and that he resurrected himself from the dead after lying in a grave for three days. This is all a lie. I know. I was there. Left, by Jesus, to bear witness to it all. Jesus got fed up with people here on Earth after Judas attempted to betray him. He saw that Judas was crucified for what he did, and then returned to Heaven without ever saying goodbye to anyone, even his apostles. It was Paul, St. Paul to many, who created Christianity, not Jesus. He was the L. Ron Hubbard of his day and created a religion just because he knew he could do it. Only now do I feel there may be some people who’ll believe my story and see the folly of believing in wild extraordinary stories about saviors and all-loving beings without evidence. If something sounds wildly fantastic and impossible, it more than likely is. I don’t get why this is so hard a concept to grasp. But, I’ve said my piece, and I’m off now to tend to my property in Europe. I’m not going to leave this planet anytime soon. Jesus made sure of that. Remember that, and me, Lazarus, the next time you think fondly of Jesus. That stinking rat bastard.