A Secret Message To Believers In Q Anon

“Q” is really “R”.   Deal with that, Q Anon-ers!  Hahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!   (BTW, if anyone from the Deep State or the Illuminati is reading this, please give me a jingle.  I VERY much want to join your organization and help you wreak havoc on the world.  I’ve been trying to drop off my resume with you, but, damn, you all are extremely difficult to find.)

The Real Q

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My Public Announcement To The Illuminati

The following message was partly funded by: The Republican Committee To Eliminate Poor People By Killing Them

Dear Illuminati, may I, The Arm Chair Pontificator, please come work for you? I absolutely assure you that I can do anything Miley Cyrus can do as well or better than she can. I would love the fame and fortune your members have too. And I love that everyone seems to know who you are while insisting that you are a totally hidden and secret group. Friggin’ amazing how that works. I promise, too, if you hire me, to make La Toya Jackson suffer terribly for outing you as the killers of her traitor brother Micheal to the media. That rat!!!

My Very visible Illuminati Tattoo

My New Ass Tattoo

Oh, before I forget, I got this cool looking Illuminati symbol tattooed on my ass yesterday to prove my loyalty to whatever it is you guys actually do. So, please, secret Illuminati people, hire me to do evil for you. You won’t be sorry you did.

Annihilate Scientology With Hearsay: It’s Fair Game

All I Said Was I Heard It

All I Said Was I Heard It

I’ve been reading up on Scientology today. And I feel completely comfortable and guilt free in saying it needs to be annihilated by whatever means necessary. It isn’t a religion. It isn’t a business. It isn’t a cult. It is evil. Evil personified. It needs to be quickly and completely eliminated. An effective technique for doing this is the, “I Just Heard Offensive.” Here’s how it might work, should one choose to use it.

Scientology = Illuminati ?

Scientology = Illuminati?

I just heard, earlier, that The Church of Scientology is considered by enlightened conspiracy theorists to be controlled by the Illuminati and the Trilateral Commission. Earlier, I also heard that The Church of Scientology was behind 9/11. They created a false trail to Al Qaeda and Bin Laden merely as a cover-up. It’s believed by some, or so I’ve heard, that the government was getting too close to too many Scientology secrets, so they concocted the events of 9/11 as a warning to the government to back the fuck off. At least that’s what I’ve heard.

I’ve also heard The Church of Scientology has huge orgies involving farm animals and people dressed as L. Ron Hubbard in leather bondage gear. At these orgies, Scientology members are often sodomized by pigs, sheep, horses, ducks, chickens, cats, and even barn owls, or so I’ve heard. From what people say, Church members often engage in plotting out ways to overthrow the U.S. Government while performing fellatio on cattle.

Have These Rhinos Sodomized Scientologists?

Have These Rhinos Sodomized Scientologists?

I hear this is dangerous, but then, I’ve heard Scientology members are suicidal idiots who do not fear death as long as they’ve the cock of a beast of burden in their mouth when they die. Sounds extreme, I know. But I’m only writing what I’ve heard others say. And I hope what I’ve heard gets The Church of Scientology’s attention. Why, you ask? Well, because, from what I’ve heard, they have a policy to aggressively attack anyone or any organization that is in any way critical of them. Interesting. I’ve heard I’m being critical of them right now actually. I’ve heard I want them annihilated. Go figure, eh? You know, I’ve heard that hearsay, true or not, can be really hurtful to people, as well as to evil organizations that need to be eliminated. I heard that from someone earlier. Honestly, I can’t remember who said it, but I really did hear it. Earlier.

Illuminati Declare, “We’re All Jewish, And We’re All Gay.”

Hello, my name is Harvey Bernstein. I am a gay Jewish Rabbi and a member of The Illuminati.  Please try to understand that in a paranoid Christian culture, like America’s, Jews aren’t always looked upon with great favor, and gays!? Well, gays and Christians go together like hot coals and human flesh. Ouch!

Harvey Bernstein: Rabbi, Gay, And Member Of The Illuminati

Harvey Bernstein: Rabbi, Gay, And Member Of The Illuminati

So, we gay Jews started the Illuminati to blow smoke up the asses of those Christians in America who scorn us and seek to deny us the right to marry each other simply because we are not the bigoted, narcissistic ninnies they are. We found that making up the most inane and ridiculous nonsense to sell these paranoid Christians was so bloody simple, that it became great fun to do.  It is now a favorite play time activity for our children (many of whom are adopted because, well, we’re gay) to come up with silly Illuminati stories to sell the Christian Americans who crave such fodder.  All that nonsense about Beyoncé and other folks in the recording industry being demons and devils was made up by my 10-year-old niece, and even SHE thought no one, not even a paranoid Christian American, would believe it it’s so dumb. But, as any conspiracy nut will tell you, not only is it believed, it’s become part of the paranoid Christian American cannon. I don’t expect any true paranoid Christian American to believe what I’m saying here, but I decided to say it anyway if for no other reason than to fuck with them just a little bit more. I’ve grown to enjoy it over the years, and have truly found no end to amount of absolutely ridiculous bullshit these people will blindly believe.  No wonder the story of a resurrected crucified guy was such an easy sell to these ninnies. Bloody knuckle-heads believe anything anyone tells ’em to. Now, if we could only get them to accept that gays and Jews are just as human as they are and not their enemy, we’d have performed a true miracle.